Shopping For Christmas Presents for SWMBO & Other Pointless Exercises

[Club Swinger]

Come on you've all done it....haven't you?

Been shopping online for most of the Christmas prezzies this year because I keep twatting wanting to twat all the muppets I see in the shops not wearing masks, and generally behaving like cnuts when it comes to social distancing etc..

Almost done now. Saw this really good set of frying pans on Amazon, completely refurbished almost as good as new.

Told SWMBO what I'd ordered for her when she asked me. Mistake number 1. Mistake number 2 was telling her I'd got her a cookbook to go with them.

Obviously that all went down like a...

After spending two nights in the spare room and silent routines for two days I've decided it might have been an error of judgement. That'll learn me...

After this epic fail I'm looking for some inspiration from the Arrserati.

So what have you bought and what other pointless exercises should we avoid when it comes to SWMBO..

 

[Teeblerone]

Apparently, we get given numerous hints...
Moaning about curtains is not a hint about a possible present.
Hedge your bets by getting a vacuum cleaner, but dressing it up in fancy lingerie!
(serious: a photobook shows you think about her and the two of you).

 

[pc supa]

I'll be sticking to my tried and tested programme of buying fcuk all for anyone. The new terminology for this is "following the science ".

 

[Gout Man]

Is that all you have to worry about? I’ve got my pearl wedding anniversary coming up soon, do you think a pearl necklace would be acceptable

 

[BratMedic]

Being as how I'm on SWMBO number 3 (the other 2 are brown bread) and the fact that I'm an old git, means I have this sort of thing down to a fine art (having been battered into submission over many years). Always have a pen and a bit of paper with you to take notes over the year of any hints that come your way. Don't lose the bit of paper. You may need more than one bit o paper. Start looking for prezzies early (this includes birthdays and anniversaries). I haven't kipped in the spare bedroom for eleven years and I quite often get a bottle of Calvados to keep me sweet.

 

[A signaller]

Is that all you have to worry about? I’ve got my pearl wedding anniversary coming up soon, do you think a pearl necklace would be acceptable

Apart from the obvious sniggering, i got one on our 25th anniversary, she wore it once, that was 17 years ago, and it hasn't been seen since. When it was our 40th anniversary, i got her some ruby and diamond earrings and matching broach, again worn only once, and they have never seen the light of day since. The only consolation I have is that they will both be passed on to our girls.

 

[BratMedic]

Is that all you have to worry about? I’ve got my pearl wedding anniversary coming up soon, do you think a pearl necklace would be acceptable

Do you mean a hooky one from the geezer in the back of the saloon bar in the Old Tiger's Head ?

 

[Steamboat]

I got the wife a new pair of boxing gloves. Hopefully they will prevent me from walking into a few doors.

 

[CrashTestDummy]

I gave up years ago. I come up with a list every year for the family to get for me, but 'er indoors can never think of anything for me to get her. Inevitably I buy her chocolates, which she complains about, and which I then eat

 

[A signaller]

I gave up years ago. I come up with a list every year for the family to get for me, but 'er indoors can never think of anything for me to get her. Inevitably I buy her chocolates, which she complains about, and which I then eat

Been There. I splashed out for a designer, you pick, and they put them in a fancy box, type chocolates, cost a kings ransom, half of them i ate, as she didn't like the filling's. After 42 years it almost impossible to find something that she hasn't already received..

 

[CrashTestDummy]

Been There. I splashed out for a designer, you pick, and they put them in a fancy box, type chocolates, cost a kings ransom, half of them i ate, as she didn't like the filling's. After 42 years it almost impossible to find something that she hasn't already received..

Years decades ago I tried buying clothes - never worn, jewellery - never worn. Booze? She buys what she wants.

I came to intensely dislike Xmas because of her.

 

[A signaller]

Years decades ago I tried buying clothes - never worn, jewellery - never worn. Booze? She buys what she wants.

I came to intensely dislike Xmas because of her.

My commiserations old mate, My old dutch is quite easy to buy for, i just phone one of my girls.................sorted!

 

[philc]

Winners.


Day out flying Birds of Pray
Days baking course
Day helping at Zoo

A day where she is away, winner is me.

 

[RBMK]

SWMBO wants one of those lightweight battery powered vacuum cleaners.

Offering to buy her one for Christmas was met with a chilling "I hope you're not being serious"

Struck fear into my heart, and we've been married for over 20 years.

 

[Maximus Acidus]

I've got my missus a new handbag and a vibrator. If she doesn't like the handbag she can go and f**k herself...
I thank you.

 

[Teeblerone]

Apart from the obvious sniggering, i got one on our 25th anniversary, she wore it once, that was 17 years ago, and it hasn't been seen since. When it was our 40th anniversary, i got her some ruby and diamond earrings and matching broach, again worn only once, and they have never seen the light of day since. The only consolation I have is that they will both be passed on to our girls.

Yep! My ex had already had some pearls from her mother, so I bought some 'cranberry' coloured ones, seeing as that was a favourite colour of hers AND matched her favourite dress.
Worn once. on the day

 

[beefer]

My wife’s into tech so I’m thinking of getting her an I-ron

 

[Teeblerone]

My commiserations old mate, My old dutch is quite easy to buy for, i just phone one of my girls.................sorted!

Excellent tactic! Strategic HUMINT

 

[Teeblerone]

My wife’s into tech so I’m thinking of getting her an I-ron

You do, Ron Ron Ron, you do Ron Ron?

 

[pc supa]

I would buy the wife some Marigolds, that's as far as I would stretch.