Shooting Yards!

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by SuperTrooper, Aug 29, 2005.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. After a heavy working period of several days and being surrounded by a hareem of hot chicks, I came home with a lazy lob. Rather than letting the devils juice build up and being smacked for choking the bird, with an extra large 'go large' sized dollop into the currently asexual sh@gpiece bird's chops. I thought I'd decant some in the style of the sneaky thrap. So after pretending to have a post work nap I got to work, using the visions of beauty from the last few days to drive it from my body. After some busy tugging, in the words from that famous movie, 'there she blows', I delivered my tablespoon's worth of joy. FFS it shot over my head, past the bed post and left a sticky mess on my best emulsion covered walls. It was like a squashed slug (sorry Dale). From point of exit to landing zone must have been at least 6 feet. 8O I can't pee that distance. After the initial shock of removing said slug from the wall, I now start to wonder, 'Is this a world record?' as I scan the phone book for the number of Noris Mcquirter from Guiness. Perhaps this could be a new Olympic sport. The long seed spray jump? Can anyone give me Norris' number or beat my 6 feet shot with a tight grouping?
     
  2. Although the six-foot range of your spuff-gun is indeed impressive, I'd posit the theory that without accuracy it's a waste of time.

    Blu-tack a large piccie of Cherie Blair to your bedroom wall. This is the ultimate test of concentration, as the ability to (a) get wood (b) keep it whilst looking at Lady McBeth and (c) shoot accurately into her six-foot-distant boat-race is to me the acme of the true spuff-sniper.

    V!
     
  3. You sound like a man of experience Vegetius, is there something you wish to share with us all here at Arrse, or are you secretly a member of her close protection team and have access to her room?????
     
  4. I miss read the title to this thread. At first I thought it was Shooting Yardies which of course has nothing to do with Super troopers post.
     
  5. And unless you can lob manjuice with equal accuracy from the standing, kneeling and prone positions, round both left and right hand cover in full NBC kit don't even bother posting here :wink:
     
  6. But can you catch it in your own mouth?
     
  7. Mr Happy

    Mr Happy LE Moderator

    In the old days (early 20's) I used to chuck my mayo a good 4' or 5', from the centre of the bed where I would withdraw from the young Welsh maidens beautiful nest and shoot across her body, very often I'd richochet of her nips or face and hit the wall at the head of the bed, sometimes I'd not even richchet, I'd be splatting against the wall straight off*. These days (mid 30's) I can barely manage a dribble WHATS THAT ALL ABOUT?

    *I remember her explaing to the landlord the dribble marks on the wall (stained the paint when it ran down) were due to a spilt cup of coffee...