I cant belive you didnt realise he was taking the piss, he even said so.
And covering your paracord laces in polish not hurting anyone, who you kidding. Overdo the polish and you could easily lose grip when tightening and hit your hand off a table or chair and this could lead to permanent downgrading.
Ahhhh! Laces - leather, ammo boots for the use of!
They came (steady) as a pair entwined, quite erotic, devoid of polish, a bit chunky. You were then 'invited' to iron them flat then bull them until they shone - it is possible but a disappearing skill. Once they were shining, glistening and spotlessly flat, they wre not used in the boots ammunition previously mention. NO! They were rolled into a circle which looked like the likorish (deliberate spelling) strings sold in sweet shops.
It really takes me back (40 years next year). As to how they were actually used ( or rather the spare pair hidden in your locker), knot at one end, the lace threaded through all lace-holes (steady again), wrapped round the ankle and secured by tucking in the last tuck.
What is wrong with that, I still do it this way with both my Mil boots and Civ boots.
I was taught that if you broke your leg/foot, it was far easier to get the boot off when secured like this because they only had to whip a blade up the laces and the boot would be undone. By using both lace ends, you have to keep cutting individual bits to free the boot.