Shocking Your Civvy Mates

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Zega, Apr 21, 2009.

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  1. Just had a massive fallout with a civvy who has been my best mate since primary school, now the spark for this dispute was nothing but a simple urine sipping, which ended in his expulsion from my accom.

    Once upon a time, we were at my local when I finished my pint, went to the bogs and did a little wee in my empty, went back out, he didn't believe it was golden juice, so I asked him to gob in there, which he did. I then drank it to his disgust.

    Walking home he stopped and was pissing in a bus stop, and me still
    thinking he didn't believe I drank my own sterile goods cupped my hands next to him and told him to piss in them, which he did without thought, and then I obviously sipped at it and splashed the remains on like a cheap aftershave, again to his disgust and remarks at me being 'sick and having problems'.

    Now this shocked me, I've tongued him infront of his Mrs and he's thought nothing of it, but he thought me drinking his piss was disgusting! Unless he he's being secretive about a HIV+ result I can't think of anything shocking about it, so I skiffed him with the dripping finger, nothing further was said until back at mine.

    Back at mine he was giving it 'If thats what all your mates from the army do they deserve bad things, If they go around cock sucking* for fun they should be killed blah blah'. Now obviously I wasn't best pleased with my 'apparent' bezzers remarks so told him, it was like he was trying to wind me up!

    He wasn't, he genuinely didn't realise the seriousness of what he had just said and he stood by it until he was ejected from the door like spent brass.

    This made me realise, when the adverts/recruiters go on about meeting the best friends you ever will in the army, it's the one thing they're talking sense about! And I always thought my civvy mates were better.

    Has anyone else had similar experiences with civvy 'mates' ?

    *I hadn't even got round to the cock sucking part yet
  2. tosser
  3. I've been out the Army for 10 yrs now, still don't have any civvy mate's. their all ex Bill Oddie's.
    Can't really get on with them.

    Helps that the work I do only employ Ex Service.
  4. Try taking your plastic nutts out and smaking them on the table in a pub whilst having a bet with your civvy mates to do the same :

    you win the dosh but losse your mates who tend to run away crying in pain thinking you are hard oh how i laugh and spend the dosh.
  5. In Bold, thats nothing to do with the Forces, its the behaviour of scum

    Not big, not clever anymore, grow up you clown
  6. I think you're lying.

    Edited to add: Shocking strawberry mivvies is easy. Shocking your mates in green is the challenge.
  7. I introduced a mate to the Brown Mootah!

    He was at Uni in Glasgow and we went to the Union Bar for cheap beverages. It was full of student blart and it was cheap so we endured it rather than going to Furry Murray's.

    I rimmed his glass every pint, which impressed very few of the "brains" in the place. Anyway, later some bird told him and he told her to F off as he had been doing the same to my pint.... fecker.

    So eventually the dance music came on - mid 90's this was........ and we are larging it. And the said bird was dancing next to us and said "you 2 are a right laugh etc etc" at which point I produced a whiffy finger from the rear guard and planted it on her upper lip.

    She went ape and my mate was etremely impressed. He even told me later through tears of laughter "you could see a huge lump of turd on her upper lip".

    Not a shock my mate, but more of a show him the way forward story!
  8. You wan't to shock you civvy mates? Then try being a model citizen, be courteous, don't get wankered like they would expect you to and try not to kick off and the little bloke at the kebab van because he looked at you for more than 6 milliseconds. Tell them you're thinking of voluntary work whilst on leave to fill the time, tell them that you visit your mum/sister/gran as often as you can. Tell them soldiers get affected by all manner of trauma's/sights/incidents and a huge amount never recover from it. Thell them that as far from being the person they 'used to know' that you're a self-disclipined individual who know's what it is to have high moral standards, respect for others and enjoys working with like minded souls. Tell them that.

    If you like to tell them it's great to drink pish, them expect them, us and the vast majority of people who come across you, to think you're a immature asshole.
  9. You are sick GT2001, and its not really that funny......??? :?

  10. Class ! I achieved it once, a flailing, arm spinning jump into the river at York from a shocking height !! One of the boys walked back in the bar as soon as I vaulted the balcony !! (I was young, was on Stella and it was red hot :oops: )
  11. Zega, are you Dashing Chaps brother?
  12. Clearly you are a chuffer! 3 Posts and you are downing a sport that should be in the next Olympics.....
  13. I once listened to a chap from the paras tell a room full of stuffy Oxbridge academics all about tea-bagging his friend on the range because he fell asleep with his mouth open, followed by a graphic description of the 3 man lift. I think most of them rather enjoyed it.
  14. Indeed he is not Sir!

    I have the dubious honour of being that young chaps sibling even though we share the same body & mind. But these tales of partaking of the golden nectar are remindful of our own tender years. My earliest memories are of mater & pater, Uncle Bob & Aunty Melvin using my gaping young mouth as a urinal. & whilst at boarding school both Mr Grimes (the Games Master) & Miss Engels (Matron) would insist that we youngsters drink our own urine. Indeed Miss Engels, being similar in build to Hattie Jacques & with a startling facial resemblance to Dr Crippen, would visit me at lights out to administer her own golden, blood streaked fluid. Straddling my lily white young body she would lift her skirts and deliver a stream of the foul liquid directly into my mouth via her wart ridden hirsute vagina. Ah the memories!

    I now have a taste for the liquid gold & am often found at weekends frequenting bars adjacent to dockyards where these fluids can be received fresh from visiting sailors for little more than the administration of oral sex.

    Yours Aye,

    The D_C
  15. D-C. I'm glad that you are putting your weekends to good use. You may wish to advertise your service on RR.