Shite Stinks & Food

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by uncle_vanya, Feb 21, 2012.

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  1. Why does shite stink worse after certain foods and not others? (appologies if this has been done to death before, my memory ain't so great nowadays in my dotage).

    What is the experience of ARRSE's to this mystical question of the ages - which food make the greatest stink?

    Which food gives one a polite little botty burps and little stench?

    All referals great received so I can tailor my diet accordingly..... or should I just go and see my quack?
  2. Personally I always found Boddies and a Prawn Phal was enough to clear most buildings and seemed to have a half life comparable to that of uranium.
  3. High fat foods make floaters, which smell worse for obvious reasons. Protein-rich foods need more bacteria to break them down and with thus smell stronger at the other end. Similarly, very spicy food often goes only partially-digested and will give your poo the 'special something' that your other half enjoys so much when she pops in to the throne room to powder her nose a full fifteen minutes after you have vacated it.
  4. Guinness used to do it for me - one of my Guinness farts in a van has been enough to make the driver to do an emergency stop and the rest of the bods debuss in a hurry.

    Doesn't seem to happen nowadays though - thankfully.

    Oh, and the pooh smelled as bad.
  5. Goose eggs. They are to foul smelling farts what Einstein was to physics.
  6. TheIronDuke

    TheIronDuke LE Book Reviewer

    Dunno. I am not a medical man so I cannot comment.

    Could you shift sideways a few feet fatso? Just, you are blocking the sun on account of you being a huge fat cunt the size of a fucking haystack.

    Cheers big man.
  7. Once on leave, living on a diet that consisted mainly of Guinness, kebabs and curry I managed to make 2 barmaids puke and clear a pub (not a very big one mind) of about 15 people by releasing the most rancid, disgusting eggy fart that I have ever smelt. I was embarrassed for about 2 seconds then squaddy pride kicked in. Needless to say, I went without a shag that night.
  8. I think heavy sessions on the ale/guinness followed by a nice late night curry are pretty much guaranteed to gives rise to toxic fumes the following morning! I regularly used to clear rooms after such indulgences. The secret is to keep them quiet & sneaky & look daggers at an adjacent person whilst moving rapidly away after dropping one! ;-)
  9. Draught Bass and pickled eggs used to be the one to empty the church on a Sunday morning.
  10. Real Ale makes me trump. Especially Sam Smiths OB Cask. Clears the office the day after a good session!
  11. A good Jalfreizi with extra onions does it for me too.
  12. The stuffing that comes with those cheapo Tesco Chickens has a distinctive post digestive quality.
  13. Real ale and pickled fish.
  14. Pea and Ham soup, the posh type with lumps in from tut supermarket and not tinned.

    That combination of pureed veg and salted fatty ham exiting the other end generates plenty of gas that percolates through the sloppy dump before release - if evil had a smell it would be that.
  15. I usually find anything eaten the night before will guarantee my needing to be pulled through the next morning. I do try to limit curry, Guinness, Stella, fibrous fooodstuffs to being a rare ooccurrence. I, too, have emitted the occasional room clearing bottom burps and have a rather perverse tendency to inhale said parps with gusto and vigour. I am also extremely proud of them. Morning constitutionals are daved for the biggest adulations. They are best served, windows closed and heating on, and door closed.

    sent from my sony android gucci thing using sausage fingers and dyslexiacheckspell