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Shit Stains.

#1
My dog had the squits on my nice new bedroom carpet, dirty little bastard. I've tried scrubbing it (the carpet, not the dog) but its no use, there is still a brown mark.

I thought I would post it in The Naafi Bar so we could perhaps have some amusement, and in the hope that someone might have a moment of clarity, and give me some sensible (ish) advice on how to get the shitty stain out.

Ta very much.
 
#2
Buy a tin of paint to match the orignal carpet and Roberts your fathers brother

Alternately,

1)So remove all of the "solid waste".

2)Apply peroxide.

3)gently dab area with a white cloth.

or

baking power and water, mix it into a paste and apply it to the stain leave it for a bit then give it a good scrub, it should remove you stain
but be warned you will have one very clean patch on your carpet so yourll end up wanting to do the whole thing!!

either that or you could just re arrange your soft furnishings =-)
 

WatchingWater

Old-Salt
Book Reviewer
#4
Depends on what colour the original carpet was, bleach leaves a stain of its own! I suggest using some high grade cleaner and applying it to the area before soaking over night? Use something like Vanish, if the adverts are anything to go by it works...
 
#5
bit of a long shot this but in america and canada you can get a produce called 'KIDS and PETS' which get rid of every stain i've ever used it on from piss and shit from a D&V toddler to red wine and gloss paint. FCUK only knows whats init but it works a treat.
 
#7
Encourage your dog to repeat the event all over the carpet and Hey Presto! Your very own Jackson Pollock original. All your neighbours will want one.
 

Grumblegrunt

LE
Book Reviewer
#9
skin the dog, turn into a rug, layover stain. simples and all that.

try white vinegar and bicarb. it also depends on what the carpet is made of.
 
A

Aleegee1698

Guest
#11
1) Take your wardrobe apart and store it in the S**d for the duration of the works

2) Purchase a brand-new Stanley knife, cut excremented carpet out in a lozenge shape

3) Using the cut-out as a template, mark the good carpet where the wardrobe stood, and cut this out

4) Patex the new piece in, stick the crapped-on piece in the washing machine (300 Deg, 5 hrs)

5) When dry, re-fit ex-shitted on piece where wardrobe stands

6) Retrieve wardrobe from S**d and refit

Alternately, just stand the wardrobe over the soiled carpet, or buy a rug

Hope this helps
 
A

Aleegee1698

Guest
#12
bit of a long shot this but in america and canada you can get a produce called 'KIDS and PETS' which get rid of every stain i've ever used it on from piss and shit from a D&V toddler to red wine and gloss paint. FCUK only knows whats init but it works a treat.
Does that also get rid of Kids and Pets?
 
#13
Use the fluid from the dog's own spleen. Failing that, move in with monty417, then you'll appreciate what a piss and shit smelling house should really smell like.
 
#14
"The Dog Did It" LOL Once a Squaddie Always a Squaddie...

Next time you grand Slam after a night on the Piss followed up by a Fal down the local Curry House, make sure you make it into the Bath first, then you won't have this problem.

Can't you cover your 'Ahem' the 'Dogs' mess up by sticking a Fcuk off Mahusive Bamboo Plant in Pot over said spot?
 
T

Tinman74

Guest
#15
My dog had the squits on my nice new bedroom carpet, dirty little bastard. I've tried scrubbing it (the carpet, not the dog) but its no use, there is still a brown mark.

I thought I would post it in The Naafi Bar so we could perhaps have some amusement, and in the hope that someone might have a moment of clarity, and give me some sensible (ish) advice on how to get the shitty stain out.

Ta very much.
What fibre is the carpet made out of?
 
#16
1) Take your wardrobe apart and store it in the S**d for the duration of the works

2) Purchase a brand-new Stanley knife, cut excremented carpet out in a lozenge shape

3) Using the cut-out as a template, mark the good carpet where the wardrobe stood, and cut this out

4) Patex the new piece in, stick the crapped-on piece in the washing machine (300 Deg, 5 hrs)

5) When dry, re-fit ex-shitted on piece where wardrobe stands

6) Retrieve wardrobe from S**d and refit

Alternately, just stand the wardrobe over the soiled carpet, or buy a rug

Hope this helps
Hmmm. items 1 to 6 do have a certain appeal.
 
#18
Some artificial type stuff, it was only cheap, I bought it off a bloke on the market, and I had to carry it home.
Take it back off floor, roll it up and return to the 'bloke on the market'. Blame him for crimping one off and hiding it in your purchase and tell him you'll burn his caravan down if he doesn't give you an immediate refund.
 
#19
I think the quickest way to remove the stain from your carpet is, Burn your house down.
Hey Presto, no more stain on your new carpet!!

This method guarantees to remove any other older stains, you might have, elsewhere in your house!!
 
#20
Chuck some paint over it ( accidently on purpose during a decorating spree ) then get on the blower to the Insurers and claim for a new carpet ...... every other f*cker does it so why don't you !




Oh and stick your thumb up the dogs bum hole so he wont do it again ...... only the once as we don't want you liking it .
 

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