Shit happens. Alternatives to toilet paper after Brexit


Book Reviewer
A stray thought crept across my brain pan - I wonder who was the first h.sapiens to wipe his arrse. And what with? Rabelais mentions a goose. Meanwhile, keep an eye open for dock leaves.
Has anyone mentioned Ballot papers ?

I was wondering what to do with mine now I know they are meaningless, so wiping my arse with them could give them a purpose.


BBC's Politics Live had a roving report from a UK tissue and toilet paper manufacturer. Although a proportion of finished product is imported much of it is manufactured in the UK, However, a large proportion of raw material is imported from the EU. It was claimed that there is only a few weeks supply stored at any time and that any import delays or obstructions would lead to shortages.

There is a possibility that TP will be flying off the shelves as desperate punters panic. Maybe it's time to consider the strategic and environmental issues of toilet paper, wet wipes and iffy alternatives like newspaper that can block the bog.

Likewise, if you have tips for field expedient arrse wipes, they might be, erm, handy.
Why not try a moss covered log?

If there is going to be a shortage of raw material for producing bog roll, does that mean the newspapers will have nothing to print on? Or are they admitting that their rags are not fit for wiping one's ar$e?
The French manage when it runs out. It's their national anthem after all.

A Frenchman went to the lavat'ry
For to have a mighty shit
He took his coat and trousers off
So that he could revel in it
But when he reached for the paper
He found that someone had been there before
Ou est le papier?
Ou est le papier?
Monsieur, monsieur, J'at fait manure.
Ou est le papier?
If they change the newspaper to potato starch and use plant sourced ink they might sell more copies?
"The Guardian you say? I wipe my ARRSE with the Guardian!"

My bold about its good for.
Four sheets? Sometimes two will do but I'm wondering if I need to carve an arrse scaper to deal with some of my motions.

Or do as the mathematicians do & "work it out with a pencil"

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