She was just too gopping and you just couldnt bang it......

#1
A friend of mine recently began a relationship with a Coldstream Guard...they had been seeing each other for a month or so and satyed the night in a hotel after a xmas party. My friend was expecting a shag, but when she made her move...her recoiled in horror and promptly dumped her!!!

Since, the theories have ranged from him being gay/having small c ock/her being too randy (for a squaddie??)

We have now decided she is just too gopping and men can't bring themselves to screw her.........does this really happen? Your examples please....
 
#2
Moodybitch said:
.........does this really happen? Your examples please....
Happens all the time when I am sober, even been known to mention that a woman doesn't have a particularly nice personality 8O
However, when pissed I have shagged some extreme horrors........
 
#3
I have been involved in some "charity jumps" , and have to say it would have to be bad ..... real bad . bearing in mind on another thread they're grooming a spakko for sex , but as i get older i like to think i've "raised the bar" a bit :D

having said that , about 2 years ago i shagged a bird who was so f**king fat and sweaty it was like trying to hump a bouncy castle covered in washing up liquid , and she was a specoid , who when she took her gigs off had eyes at 10 to 2 , oooh the shame. :oops:
 
#4
It's because we are so mission orientated - we are drunk, horny and want a shag - we aren't going to let any minor details like the fact she outweighs us by a factor of 2:1 and has a face like a welders bench put us off. Plus it is always good to keep the girls on their toes. Just cos you got laid last night does not mean that you are pretty....
 
#5
i did have one girl who was lacking in control and fanny farted in my face while I was snuffling about which completely killed the moment......... :oops: but the smell from her nether regions was worse :wink: it had taken some persuading to get me in the pit in the first place as she a chubby ginger minger :roll:
 
#6
as to spilling the beans - how about the time I was in wales, invited myself back to a girls having spoken to her for about 15 seconds, got back to some squalid slum, the fat horror in question got naked and then whilst I was doing her from behind, looked round and asked, with a note of real concern in her voice, "you are going to do me in the arrse aren't you". I didn't know whether to laugh, vomit or just get up and run away.....god she was fat.
 
#7
Of course, how could I turn down an invitation like that? She then told me what she really really wanted was to be shagged by my mate (who was doing the deed next door) before I "finished her off". I said ok but in return I want you to shag your mate next door for me whilst I watch. Her reply was "well I would, but that's my aunty....."
 
#8
Yes

She was Russian

I was drunk

That is all I have to say about that :oops:
 
#9
Lets just say 14 sigs are nearby. Oh, and it's prob the only place in the Uk I've been to where the girls (in a loose sense of the word) come up to you and offer to buy you drinks 8O 8O
 
#10
Once was seeing this dull boring bloke purely cos he was fit....even sober.

Finally got down to it and he was the shittest screw ever!!! Decided to go on top thinkin it could be an improvement but he started really going for it....was like being on top of a fcukin jackhammer....head was smashing into the headboard the lot!!....he was kissing me like i was a pissing lollipop...practically licking my face all over....i was getting quite hysterical by this point and just wanted it to stop....really felt like crying but instead just pissed myself laffin (not literally)....once I started laughing I couldn't stop. He left quite quickly and I think the experience scarred him for life.

As for me.....if they can make me laugh and shag well, they're in....no pretty boy looks do it for me since that particualr disaster.
 
#11
Moodybitch said:
Once was seeing this dull boring bloke purely cos he was fit....even sober.

Finally got down to it and he was the shittest screw ever!!! Decided to go on top thinkin it could be an improvement but he started really going for it....was like being on top of a fcukin jackhammer....head was smashing into the headboard the lot!!....he was kissing me like i was a pissing lollipop...practically licking my face all over....i was getting quite hysterical by this point and just wanted it to stop....really felt like crying but instead just pissed myself laffin (not literally)....once I started laughing I couldn't stop. He left quite quickly and I think the experience scarred him for life.

As for me.....if they can make me laugh and shag well, they're in....no pretty boy looks do it for me since that particualr disaster.

sounds a bit traumatic............ 8O you poor girl............sounds like he was so vain that you could have given him a full length mirror with a hole in it and he would have cracked on regardless...............sticking your finger/hairbrush up his ricker would brought him to heel. :wink:
 
#13
Moodybitch said:
Your examples please....
Bev from Beverely. It's Saturday night, I'm in Beverely town centre, drunk and bored, but in walks Bev to the pub! And she'll screw any squaddie. So I chat to her, buy her half a lager and lime and a bag of roasted peanuts, and get invited back to her place. Result !! Of course, Bev is small, fat (bit of a window licker) and tattoo's up and down her arms of squaddies names. House is covered in dog and cat shit and dirty nappies. But hey, it's a shag. Only problem is, I'm just about to start my "one minute romace/petting session" before going for the kill, and I lift up her skirt to reveal the uglist pair of legs I'd ever seen, complete with bruises and a boil (and the knickers, a fcuking disgrace to washing powder). Instant semi-on loss and instant sobering up. I made an excuse about not feeling too good, and can I use her garden to be sick in. I then promptly walk off (run like fcuk) and a taxi ride back to Leconfield and the safe enclose of the block. I think Mighty, Flash or Auntie may have also rode the bitch.
 
#16
I think she was a tractor wrestler Cait 8O
 
#17
As your mate is probably feeling hurt and emotionally vulnerable, as a friend you owe it to her to post some highly unflattering piccies of her online, to be mocked and abused by squaddies :lol: .
 
#18
Moodybitch said:
I can't believe even Gunny couldn't bang it....she MUST have been bad! :wink:
She smelt of stale sweat too, but how far do you want me to go in telling you the full facts about her personal hygiene and the state of her house? She was a squaddie bike, pure and simple. But even I have standards. I've rode some troggs, but even I wrench at the smell of stale sweat, and the hundreds of ciggie burns in her settee and carpet didn't do anything to kindle a romantic atmosphere.
 
#19
a late contender has just arrived!!!!!!

at work we've got an african cleaner , and she has got THE WORST b.o. on the planet , i asked several of the blokes at work if they'd consider doing some pull ups on her bottom ribs , and i got various spewing noises in response , to be fair they've got a point , i reckon you'd have to pick the scab off it to gain entrance 8O

shes had her hair done this week bless her , i think someone put a thundy under her hat and pulled her chinstrap tight.

but a bit of a result , coughed up half a pound of lung butter into my bin earlier and she's just got it all over her hand...nope , the f**king horror has just wiped it down her coat , lovely job :)
 
#20
I bet there's not many squaddies who after a good session have not gone to bed with what they think is sharon stone and woke up with forty stone, and done a runner before the munter woke up.
 

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