Shaved Gonads




Liberally cover the area with petrol and strike a match.
This tip was told to me by a buddist monk.
A couple of methods:

*-Simple, dab them all over with aftershave (the cheaper, the better). The instant pain, whilst painful; does do away with the itching (albeit ever so briefly).

*-Wait a couple of weeks for the fluff to grow back.

*-Don't ******* shave them in the first place you ******* metrosexual you.

Hope this helps.


Liberally cover the area with petrol and strike a match.
This tip was told to me by a buddist monk.

I think you might be getting mixed-up between immolation and emollient. But yes, you can get that desperate when the itch strikes.


In my defence, my experience is based, not on any homo-erotic situation, but rather on the need to de-fuzz at DKMH when getting the snip.


Heaven help us from the world we've created ffs your bollocks are meant to be hairy unless you like looking like a 7yr old, you ******* nonce!
I don't know youth of today mutter mutter.......
I remember a few years back, i used my mates hair clippers quickly to shave my pubes off. I filmed it and put it on his facebook as a sketch,anyhoo. I had my trousers around my knees and thought nothing of it. That night i managed to pull some stinker. Of course i got back to hers and in a rush, ripped my kecks off and threw them past her. My pants had just acted as a net when i shaved myself earlier. It was like a red arrow display but intead of beautiful coloured smoke it was my dark black spick pubes leaving a arch like rainbow through the air.

Her scream and face convultion still haunt me to this day.


Book Reviewer
Birds tell me that shaving = itching, waxing = doesnt. If you do not wish Boots counter staff to giggle when you rock up and ask for a waxing kit, use black n nasty or a blowtorch.
This situation stems from the ambiguous word "wax". To a woman, this means applying a molten material to hairs as a means of pulling them from their roots, typically around the bikini line (though, with the introduction of G-string bikinis, the area embaldened has increased beyond the original intent). Fashion has caused some men to follow the example by removing hair from the Speedo line, the really foolish ones removing all pubic hair. Obviously, blokes shouldn't use molten compounds in those areas because they have a low pain threshold - that's why blokes don't give birth. Instead, they've taken to shaving which, when you consider the risk of collateral damage, is a bloody stupid thing to do.

It's not wrong to wax your pubes as a fashion statement, but you should be using the gentleman's interpretation of "wax". This involves applying a pomade to a group of hairs, allowing them to be shaped into a decorative feature. I can't find any images of waxed pubes, but here's some waxed moustaches that you can use as a guide:


Salvador Dali


Hercule Poirot

Once you've got your pubes back, wax them in the manner that was intended - twist those that peep out beyond your Speedos into a Salvador Dali or a Hercule Poirot. The ladies love a man who spends some time on grooming.
Try Lanacane cream, that will stop the itch. Just don't get any on your bellend.


Shaving any part of you is OK, but do remember that what grows back will be coarser / darker etc so by achieving a short term "solution" you may be building up a longer term problem.

Now; if the shaving was for a medical procedure / a one off occurrence, then you may just have to "man up" and "fight through". It's not forever FFS. Mind over matter... "Think of the seaside" my mum used to say if I skinned a knee or ended up head first in the stinging nettles...

If you are looking at a "lifestyle choice" as the reason for removing the hair, careful shaving is OK and the application of a petroleum-based jelly to the shaved are takes down the "redness" and reduces the discomfort. Ditto an aloevera type moisturiser.

Finally if you are going to wax DO NOT attempt to use the "solid" waxes that you heat up in a microwave; tried that, actually followed the instructions for once in my dangerous, irresponsible life and got a Level 7, Fukushima type reactor accident in the microwave - the wax gunk burned through the container and f***ed up the microwave!

The way forward for "self-waxing" is double sided strips from Boots (about eight quid for a pack of 10, equating to 20 wax applications plus a “wet wipe” type thing that reduced the post-stripping discomfort). Warm them up, dust target area with a little talk, pull apart the strips and away you go. You may want to do it yourself to save Plod nicking you for chinning the Memsahib, but someone will have to do your back for you unless you are a double jointed Indian Swami! Or pay your wedge, go to a Salon and get a twenty-something Doris to do it all for you; You show i) how “new man” you are, ii) how impervious to pain you can be and iii) how often do you lot have a (real) twenty-something girl manhandling Mr Midnight? Wins all round and a bottle of Blue WKD for the girl when you take her out that evening!

Got done at the weekend by the Good Woman; I love it, she loves the look and I know that next time will be easier as waxing, as opposed to shaving pulls out the follicles by the roots - waxing is to shaving what pesticide is to lawn mowing.

Hope that helps... I shall now sit back and wait for the torrent of "Metro" and "Homo" abuse...


To those nay-sayers to waxed/shaved balls: do you like having your 'nads licked/sucked? Trust me, you'll get it done much more often if your lass doesn't have to choke on a mouthful of fur...

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