The morning of Christmas Day 2005 I think it was. I was back at my parents' house and after waking up, I staggered to the loo for the much needed morning piss following a rather good night at the local, drinking copious amounts of a beer I forget the name of. Could've been Doom Bar if anyone knows of it?
Whilst stood mid way through the routine piss, I felt the routine surge from my tum that signified a routine guff was en route. Nothing horrendous I thought, it'll just be a nice relaxed prrrrrrp, nothing more. In fact I thought it would be a SBD, such was my relaxed state and half sleepy mind would have led me to beleive.
What actually happened was a warm, wet torrent of sludge jettisoned itself from my botty into my shorts and down the back of my legs onto the new floor. I guess I could've done a 180 and, although I would've sprayed the bathroom with piss, slap my arse onto the lav to contain the remainder, but no, like a rabbit in headlights, I froze. I tried to contain it using my spare hand but to no avail.
So I spent my Christmas morning cleaning up my accident while my dear old mum scowled at me and giving me the 'serves you right' earache for drinking ale. Thank you Santa for my lovely present.
Never had nor want a public one though.