SHARTREP

TamtamPWRR

War Hero
You cunts, you dirty fucking cunts. One day only Ive read this thread and this happens to me while I'm talking to a client, I fucking hate you cunts.
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Small point of order. Surely your report is describing the sharter rather than the unfortunate " shartee " ?
autocorrect (don't ask)


A not too recent discussion on this and it was decided that you can be both the sharter (or sharist if you prefer) and the sharted upon (or shartee) if you have soiled outside of the usual acceptable toilet facilities (with the exception of the whole of India) and you have any form of splashback/clothing or footwear contamination/excessive buttock pollution/other people are desecrated or if a shower is needed.
 
You cnuts, you dirty ******* cnuts. One day only Ive read this thread and this happens to me while I'm talking to a client, I ******* hate you cnuts.View attachment 444833
You dropped your trousers while talking to a client?

I don't want to know what line of business you are in
 
Have a mate who is now a professor of Mental health in Wales.

He might be a bit embarrassed if his history of when he sharted all over his wife after a curry in London came to light.

With luck I was not in the house at the time.
Ummm
I'm not a professor of anything?
 
Have a mate who is now a professor of Mental health in Wales.

He might be a bit embarrassed if his history of when he sharted all over his wife after a curry in London came to light.

With luck I was not in the house at the time.
Shit happens, so to speak.

That sparked off an appalling memory.

Circa 71/72; pub in Blackheath; mates chewing the fat.

One of them was called Plumstead John (I think it was because he was called John and came from Plumstead). He is regaling us with tales about his latest squeeze and how she banged like a shithouse door in a gale.

"Not seeing her anymore" says he, rather glumly.

"Why not" says we.

"Well last Saturday we went out for a few drinks, then a curry and back to hers for the denouement. Sat on the sofa mauling each other and I suddenly needed a dump. As this is not acceptable foreplay I put the idea at the back of my mind"

"So we go upstairs and get down to it. All going nicely right up to the point I am just about to spaff my baby batter up her muff. Crimp the top of a phial of poppers and take a serious hit. Unload my wad and lose all muscular control"

"Well that's sort of normal surely" says we.

"Yeah, but I also lost control of my sphincter and shat all over the place. And she decided that I wasn't for her".
 
I might as well do for the way it looks...

I think that's convention these days so computers can automatically sort them into chronological order.

That's certainly how SharePoint / Moss sites etc have to work these days anyways.

Dunno why I'm banging on about computers mind. I still use my fingers to add up. And since I live in East Anglia, my fingers go up more than normal folks.
You're confusing the file naming convention, which allows files correctly named to be alphanumerically sorted so that they appear in chronological order of the date they were created, with the dtg which allows the Automated Message Handling System to sort and retrieve signals using that information.
 
I was sitting on my chair naked as I am wont of a late evening, in this salubrious accommodation about ten minutes ago, having imbibed a few Carlsbergs when the urge came upon me to release wind. It was a fine fart, worthy of note. It was not a pipsqueak fart but an example of what might be described in the manner of a world-famous tenor such as Placido Domingo. It could not be described as a base Profundo fart but more as a sort of mid-range, musical expression that could have echoed satisfactorily around the hallowed cloisters fa a fine cathedral. The resultant stench was rich and fruity reminiscent of the after-dinner effluent of a good mutton stew. However, a certain dampness around the nether regions indicated that an examination of the chair upon which I was seated merited scrutiny. Upon investigation, I observed that the cloth of the seat of the chair, fine gold and red striped, expensive-looking material had a large brown, flower-shaped slightly glistening design superimposed upon it. Time for a shit, I thought.
 
@eodmatt Ever so slightly late for a shit you mean?
 

NSP

LE
it's the way I've been naming files for ages, I'm sure it was introduced into the army at some point which is where I picked it up from - after the "G" number of course
It's gone that way in hydrography, too - yyyymmdd with or without hhmmss on the end as a filename prefix or in tables, purely to ensure a properly ordered sort in Explorer or whichever application the dated list is in.

When I say it's gone that way in hydrography I mean on the boats, naturally. If the boats are like the West then the offices are like the Soviet - about ten years behind in innovation and development.

I'm a fan of the format, by the way. It makes me somewhat prejudiced (as in, having a yearning to visit gratuitous and wanton violence about their persons) against the thick baboons arseparts that can't follow a simple instruction to follow a written filenaming specification so you still have to hunt all through the directory to find the damn things in amongst the jumble.
 
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Cutaway

LE
Kit Reviewer
You cuts, you dirty fucking cuts. One day only Ive read this thread and this happens to me while I'm talking to a client, I fucking hate you cunts.
Oi Miss, I can see the imprint of your bollocks.
 

StBob072

LE
Book Reviewer
Oi Miss, I can see the imprint of your bollocks.
Is it my imagination or are you becoming more puerile of late. (I saw what you did and I sniggered at the back of the class).
 

cymraeg

War Hero
3 days after passing my final driver exams my instructor took me out for many many beers.

A good night was had by all and while waiting outside the the kebab shop for the duty wheels (swmbo) some utter arsehole filled my trousers with warm gravy. So glad the shop was packed and I had cream coloured cargo trousers.

Never trust a fart
 

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