Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by the_eiger, Dec 28, 2012.

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  1. I don't know about you, but this time of year always brings out the worst in me. It's around this festive time I commit my worst social offences. Most of us in the NAAFI are hard-nosed, poorly-adjusted folk who are seemingly immune to social embarrassment. But we've all been there. That moment when you genuinely want the ground to swallow you up, and no amount of cock windmilling, Herrick big timing, or pint-glass-pissing is going to get you out of it.

    So, tell us a dit. One which caused you or the people around you horrific embarrassment. We can all read this on the 01/01/13 and feel a slight relief that we didn't do anything THAT bad.
  2. After you, please....
  3. "shame" and "conscience" are for homos.
    • Like Like x 8
  4. I've nicked someone's coat in a nightclub in Austria on Winter Warrior. It was a lovely and warm coat, and I only had a t-shirt on - being a Geordie - and as I emptied the pockets and slung the car keys into the snow, I didn't give a hoot.

    The next morning; sober; I did feel a few pangs of guilt (and no, I'm not a homo - just very sensitive).

    It was a nice coat though; I had it for about a year till some thieving fucking cunt stole it from the Greenfly in HQNI.
  5. Me: Recently airborne. Out in Portsmouth.

    Her: Slag, with boyfriend in the army

    Me: "What does he do? I bet he's a (insert every derogatory term imaginable). Text him now and ask him 'Are you a hat?'."

    Her: "I'll go ask him now, he's over there with his mates"

    Him: 6'4, based in a small city on the Welsh border. Confirmed 'special'. Walks over; puts me in my place in front of whole bar and leaves me feeling like a thoroughly Beta male.

    I had to verbally abuse a bus full of soft-helmet-wearers the next day just to regain my masculinity.
    • Like Like x 1
  6. I got caught wanking into my next door neighbours knickers. Trouble was, she was wearing them at the time. Frigid no sense of humour bitch.
    • Like Like x 2
  7. I said 'shame' not everyday neighbourly disputes.
  8. My neighbour is a tranny.
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  9. Do you and your neighbours often have frilly undie swopping parties then, or are you merely fantasizing?
  10. I'm probably telling porkies.
  11. In Germany many years ago, in a rock club called Sputnik Halle in Munster. Anyway, 9 mates with me so we were feeling untouchable.
    I walks up to bar, made a space and ordered my beer.
    Gets a tap on the shoulder, looks round and finds myself looking at a greasy German Hells Angels chest. The guy was about 6ft 8 and similar build to a polar bear standing on its hind legs. He said something in German (that I didn't speak) so I said "Sorry mate, ain't got a clue what youre on about"
    He says "You are English yes, I said in Germany we don't push in at the bar"
    Having 9 mates with me I said "That's ok mate, in England we don't burn Jews"
    Next thing I knew I was 3ft off the ground, heading backwards, and I could actually see people behind me moving out the way in preparation for my landing.
    Landed in a heap, looked at my mates with that 'help' expression, only to see them all pick up their beers and look the other way. Cheers guys!
    13 years ago and I can still feel that punch now.
    • Like Like x 3
  12. I wish I'd got here earlier. Missed the opportunity to say: cock
  13. I worked in Germany with a mouthy ,dozy, super hero. Always full of it and mouthing off when there was a group of us. We quickly learned to give the wanker a wide berth. His excuse for acting like a moron was that the German army had burned down his Polish great grandmothers house in 1940, so he said. Pity they didn`t burn her aswell, effective birth control you might say.
  14. It'll be along any second now
  15. Of course you did :what:

    Sent with all heart felt thanks from my Arrse!