Shagging Al Fresco

#1
My current ride, Mrs (common-law) cernunnos No 5 Mk1, rather likes having it off out of doors, especially if she thinks we are being watched. I for my part am only too pleased to assist. I am, like all old squaddies, by nature a shy and retiring soul. It would however be ungallant of me to refuse the woman who pays my mortgage, this simple pleasure.

We've tried most angles, shop doorways, pub pool tables, hayfields, river banks, motorway bridge parapets (Yes West Midlands Policemen it was I. The ba'stard was such a bad driver he would have crashed anyway), the back seats of taxis, the Great Orme cable car in Llandudno etc...

The weather is warming up nicely now and I need ideas and suggested locations!

P.S If anyone knows of a suitable Glass lift (elevator if your septic) in North Germany I would be very gratefull.
 
B

Bottleosmoke

Guest
#4
i thought that the firefighters had sorted out their little dispute?

Not again, I cant bear it.
 
#5
Mr_Deputy said:
We like a bit of forest action when the weather is good. So did the last bird I was seeing - a filthy French whore. Very very dirty indeed. But then it seems that you like to be watched. Or your missus does.

WHY?
 

B_AND_T

MIA
Book Reviewer
#6
There is a glass lift in Berlin's main train station. You will have to be quick though because it's only 3 floors high (However that shouldn't be to much of a problem, so I hear)
 
#7
You could always set the webcam up and broadcast on messenger.

It would save you the bother of going out, and could potentially give a bigger audience.

Edited for spelling
 
#8
Alternatively you can come to my room and nail your missus up the hoop there and ill gladly stream it on the internet (the whole world will be watching) and make a fortune on my premium rate webcam.... You will have to pay a small insurance fee incase she anally prolaspes on my bed, but plastic sheeting will be supplied. From my days of naked twister and chipfat !!!!!!!
 
#9
indoubitabley said:
Mr_Deputy said:
We like a bit of forest action when the weather is good. So did the last bird I was seeing - a filthy French whore. Very very dirty indeed. But then it seems that you like to be watched. Or your missus does.

WHY?
Its a strict Catholic up bringing thing and after all, why not!
 
#10
B_AND_T said:
There is a glass lift in Berlin's main train station. You will have to be quick though because it's only 3 floors high (However that shouldn't be to much of a problem, so I hear)
You weren't at the wheel of a Honda Civic, on the M6, in August last year were you?
 
#11
What about getting the bisexual pierced punk girl who rents your flat to watch? She might even join in!

(If her bum's recovered from last time..... :donut: )

Or am I thinking of someone else?
 
#12
Mr_Deputy said:
Indeed Sir. I think this is most likely the little secret he wishes to wash on air here on ARRSE. She pays the mortgage too eh? She's not a member of your immediate family is she?

It's possible, she's German. My Dad was stationed here at about the right time and he put it about like there was no tommorrow.

Oh and rape seed fields are pretty good too by the way. Try and take a blanket. I was seeing this lovely Colombian / Australian bird and had a great time near Chippenham in one coming back from Wales.

I mean...urrrr...doing it outside is disgusting.
Make your mind up!
 
#13
EX_STAB said:
What about getting the bisexual pierced punk girl who rents your flat to watch? She might even join in!

(If her bum's recovered from last time..... :donut: )

Or am I thinking of someone else?
Good thinking that man! A threesome on the bonnet of some poor bastards BMW in the ALDI car park would do the trick!
 
#14
A few miles south of Munster there is a man made massive lake/beach combo (called Silbersee) which is a popular spot when the sun shines. What makes a more interesting twist is the German naturalists who hang about up in the top corner. If you do it within 50 paces of those blokes you could get them all exited and then they be slung out for scaring the kids. Result.
 

B_AND_T

MIA
Book Reviewer
#15
cernunnos said:
B_AND_T said:
There is a glass lift in Berlin's main train station. You will have to be quick though because it's only 3 floors high (However that shouldn't be to much of a problem, so I hear)
You weren't at the wheel of a Honda Civic, on the M6, in August last year were you?
I only had one hand on the wheel, the other was on the joy stick.
 
#16
The_Phantom said:
A few miles south of Munster there is a man made massive lake/beach combo (called Silbersee) which is a popular spot when the sun shines. What makes a more interesting twist is the German naturalists who hang about up in the top corner. If you do it within 50 paces of those blokes you could get them all exited and then they be slung out for scaring the kids. Result.
We've done the "Baggersee" thing to death as has half the German population. The best thing I've found for shifting naturalists is an air rifle and a Hornets nest.
 

old_fat_and_hairy

LE
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#17
If you care to pop back over to England next week, we have a pass-out parade on Friday morning. Perhaps you could indulge in a little outdoor anatomy drill in the reviewing stand? You would certainly get the feeling of being watched.
 
#18
old_fat_and_hairy said:
If you care to pop back over to England next week, we have a pass-out parade on Friday morning. Perhaps you could indulge in a little outdoor anatomy drill in the reviewing stand? You would certainly get the feeling of being watched.
Who is taking the salute? I only pay ferry fares for royalty!
 
#19
In a fountain, Shopping trolley, Changing room, Hospital bed (easier if one of you is an in-patient, haha), Swing/Slide/Roundabout (not really a daytime, while the kids are still playing kind of maneuver tho lol), Park bench, Car bonnet.
 
#20
There's an old mattress behind the skip in the car park of Somerfield in Basingstoke. You may have to kick the tramp off it first, but once you get used to the smell it's quite comfortable.

You can't beat a bit of al fresco frottage; the sensation of summer's evening breeze wafting over your naked buttocks whilst you go plums deep in some young filly. The heavy wheezing of a tramp in the background, the clink of the empty white lightning bottles around your feet and the faint smell of p1ss and excreta - romance personified.
 

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