Sh*ts 'n' giggles.

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Sleeper_service, Feb 3, 2005.

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  1. Has your missus put on weight over the festive period??

    If so, encourage her to walk 3 miles in the morning, and then a further 3 miles in the evening.

    By the end of the week the fat cow will be 42 miles away.
  2. Quality.

  3. A Brazilian, attending Galveston's masquerade Mardi Gras Ball, was dancing with a shapely debutante 'Southern Belle' who was wearing a map of Texas for a costume.

    Suddenly she slapped him hard and stalked off the dance floor.

    "What the hell happened?" Asked a friend who had witnessed the entire event.

    "I'm not really sure." The man replied, rubbing his red cheek.

    "When she asked if I had ever been to Texas before, I put my finger on Amarillo to show her, and she let me have it."

  4. :?
  5. got a couple here for you.. some you will like some you wont

    Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
    A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

    Q. What's a mixed feeling?
    A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

    Q. What's the height of conceit?
    A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

    Q. What's the definition of macho?
    A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.

    Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
    A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

    Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
    A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick.

    Q. Why is divorce so expensive?
    A. Because it's worth it.

    Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?
    A. They both like a tight seal.

    Q. What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?
    A. Their balls are just for decoration.

    Q. What is the difference between "ooooooh"and "aaaaaaah"?
    A. About three inches.

    Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?
    A. The grip.

    Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
    A. It's not hard.

    Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
    A: Kick his sister in the jaw.

    Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
    A: 45 pounds.

    Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
    A: 45 minutes.

    Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
    A: Breasts don't have eyes.

    Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
    A: The swallow.

    Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?
    A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.

    Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
    A: They don't have balls to scratch

    Shall I get me coat?

    or shall I stay?
  6. What's the biggest crime committed by transvestites?
    Male fraud

    How do you piss off a female archaeologist?
    Give her a used tampon and ask her what period it came from

    How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    One... men will screw anything

    What is the difference between a supermarket shopping bag and Michael Jackson?
    One is made of plastic and is very dangerous to children; the other holds groceries

    What do Pink Floyd and Diana have in common?
    They both had a hit with the wall

  7. Cutaway

    Cutaway LE Reviewer

    :lol: :lol: :lol:
  8. Redneck car alarm