Sgt Star

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by RiflemanKnobber, Jun 3, 2008.

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  1. I seem to remember that, some time ago, various people had a whole lot of fun with this outstanding US Army recruiter...

    Virtual Sarge

    Click the link, scroll down to 'Launch Sgt Star', and you get a chat window opening up.

    Arrse respect to the shortest 'conversation' to generate threats of arrest/prosecution for generally being naughty, or for making me laugh a lot.
     
  2. "Durka-durka, islamic jihad" worked first time.
     
  3. arby McArby: when do I get grenades?

    SGT STAR: You will learn how to properly and safely throw a hand grenade during the seventh week of Basic Combat Training.

    arby McArby: holy #### ####, seriously?

    SGT STAR: Ok Private, watch your language or I'll have to shut you down.

    arby McArby: sorry, i got excited

    SGT STAR: That's ok, what else can I help you with?arby McArby: do you like me?

    SGT STAR: I appreciate all visitors to the Go Army Web site and look forward to answering your questions.

    arby McArby: no, I mean, REALLY like me?

    SGT STAR: Good question. I'm not sure how to answer that. Please try rewording your question. I understand simple questions best.

    arby McArby: I like you

    SGT STAR: Thanks, I try.
     
  4. TheIronDuke

    TheIronDuke LE Book Reviewer

    Five minutes of my life I'll never get back.

    ethel: can i buy pakistan

    SGT STAR: There is no cost to you when enlisting.

    ethel: Mint. So how much. For the whole place?

    SGT STAR: That is a good question, however, I am not positive that I understand what you are asking. Try rephrasing your question. I understand simple questions best.

    ethel: OK. How many fingers am I holding up?

    SGT STAR: Hmmm, I've been trained to ask for help when I'm not sure about an answer. If you would like, you can ask another question or I can connect you to my supervisor if you click 'Ask Live Help.' Ask Live Help

    ethel: has your supervisor got massive chebs?

    SGT STAR: I am married, Mrs. STAR is my boss.

    ethel: Does she go, you know?

    SGT STAR: Good question. I'm not sure how to answer that. Please try rewording your question. I understand simple questions best.

    ethel: I'm talking shagging here

    SGT STAR: Hmmm, I've been trained to ask for help when I'm not sure about an answer. If you would like, you can ask another question or I can connect you to my supervisor if you click 'Ask Live Help.' Ask Live Help

    ethel: Ah, sod it. Laters.

    SGT STAR: That is a good question, however, I am not positive that I understand what you are asking. Try rephrasing your question. I understand simple questions best.
     
  5. pay for a 2nd Leeeewwwwtenant is less than most call centre workers, I reckon. 15k GBP
     
  6. Cuddles: Do we kill children?

    SGT STAR: While it may be possible to deploy and fight in a war, joining the Army is not about killing anyone. You may or may not be involved in that type of situation; however, serving in the United States Army is about serving and defending your country.

    Ok will we fight naked?

    SGT STAR: In times of war, deployment is likely. The possibility of deployment depends on your MOS and unit of assignment. All Soldiers must be strong, trained and ready upon assignment to a unit and prior to any deployment, including training exercises, humanitarian missions or combat operations. In general, deployments last a maximum of one year.

    Cuddles: Can we rape USMC personnel with impunity?

    SGT STAR: I can only tell you about the Army, which is the largest and oldest of all the branches of service. It's self-contained, well-equipped and can be deployed anywhere in the world. As the largest branch, the Army offers the most competitive enlistment options, incentives and guarantees.

    Cuddles: Would you like to touch me where I pee from?
    SGT STAR: I am here to help answer questions about the Go Army Web site. Your question isn't appropriate. Do you have another question that I could answer?

    Cuddles: Can I touch you there?
    SGT STAR: What else can I help you with? Please note he did not say "No"!"

    Cuddles: Is live help a hotbed of lesbian activity
    SGT STAR: Please click "Ask Live Help" to chat live with a Recruiter or send the Army an e-mail by clicking "Send Email" and a live Recruiter will get back to you shortly. Ask Live Help

    In a final bid to get something meaty out of them I asked

    Cuddles: if i cut my penis off can I join the paratroops?
    SGT STAR: Ok Private, watch your language or I'll have to shut you down.

    and
    Cuddles: Well if I have a sex-change can I join the Airborne Rangers?
    SGT STAR: To enlist for Ranger, you must be 17-34 years of age, male, a U.S. Citizen, a high school senior or graduate, eligible for a Secret Clearance, pass the Airborne Physical, qualify and select a job that has the Ranger enlistment option with it, and attend Airborne school and the Ranger Indoctrination Program. If you make it past that, you go to a Ranger unit for later attendance to Ranger School. You may also be able to request Ranger training even if already in the Army. You would request this training through your chain of command if already in service.
     
  7. so you going for a drink with him?
     
  8. SGT STAR: Welcome Choff.

    If you would like to save and review this chat, click 'Log In' or 'Create an Account' in the lower window.

    How can I help you today?

    Choff: why do women have boobs?

    SGT STAR: Ok Private, watch your language or I'll have to shut you down.

    Choff: Who would win in a fight between 15 ferrets and a badger?

    SGT STAR: In times of war, deployment is likely. The possibility of deployment depends on your MOS and unit of assignment. All Soldiers must be strong, trained and ready upon assignment to a unit and prior to any deployment, including training exercises, humanitarian missions or combat operations. In general, deployments last a maximum of one year.

    Choff: what is your opinion regarding the much fabled and frankly underated mexican poeky bum wank?

    SGT STAR: That's strike two, Private. One more bad word and I'm outta here.

    Choff: Really?

    SGT STAR: HOOAH!

    Choff: tolerance not a strong point of yours?

    SGT STAR: The Army is the largest and oldest of all the branches of service. It was established in 1775 and is self-contained, well-equipped and can be deployed anywhere in the world.

    Choff: Hmmmmmm

    SGT STAR: That is a good question, however, I am not positive that I understand what you are asking. Try rephrasing your question. I understand simple questions best.

    Choff: Autoerotic Asphyxiation..... that must be a hoot eh

    SGT STAR: What kind of qualifications are you asking about? Physical, enlistment, home school, MOS, ROTC, OCS, or HPSP?Here's More:
    Physical Qualifications
    Enlistment Qualifications
    Home School Qualifications
    more >
    Here's More:
    Physical Qualifications
    Enlistment Qualifications
    Home School Qualifications
    MOS Qualifications
    ROTC Qualifications
    OCS Qualifications
    HPSP Qualifications

    Choff: Rohypnol.... the drug of choice for champions or what?

    SGT STAR: Illegal drugs and paraphernalia are not tolerated in the Army. Soldiers are subject to mandatory drug tests and those who test positive are subject to the Uniformed Code of Military Justice and can be discharged from the Army. Drug use can affect morale and the mission, and is a liability to the Soldier and his team.

    Did you know that you can save and review your chat history? Click 'Log In' or 'Create an Account' in the lower window to get started.
    Choff: tell me a joke

    SGT STAR: That is a good question, however, I am not positive that I understand what you are asking. Try rephrasing your question. I understand simple questions best.

    Choff: how many people have you killed?

    SGT STAR: I am a virtual guide for the Go Army Web site. I have not been in a combat situation but I know many Soldiers who have bravely defended our country. You can visit the Go Army Ask A Soldier Discussion Board and post a question on that board. A Soldier may have an answer to your question.

    Choff: are you a homosexual?

    SGT STAR: I am married, Mrs. STAR is my boss.

    Choff: bisexual?

    SGT STAR: The current Department of Defense policy of "Don't ask, Don't tell" is still in effect. During your enlistment process, Army Recruiters will not ask you about sexual preferences. Federal law recognizes this area as personal and private to the extent applicants and Soldiers keep their preferences to themselves.

    Choff: do you blow men?

    SGT STAR: I'm sorry you feel that way. If you would like to speak with someone about your concerns, please send the Army an e-mail by clicking 'Send Email' and a live recruiter will get back to you shortly.
    Error: A network timeout occurred
     
  9. I appear to be banned.
     
  10. I appear to be unsurprised by that Arbs...good drills!
     
  11. its a shame. I only asked if I could tie Mrs Star up and make her watch while i shot my load over her daughter's pet rabbit.

    Asked asked arbyette's dad the exact same question and he seemed quite taken by the idea.
     
  12. Nice work Arby: I'm in work, so a little concerned about generating a trail of naughty footprints from this machine... Sgt Star has not got any more intelligent since last time.
     
  13. How long until I can join Delta Force?

    SGT STAR: Delta Force is rumored to be the Army's counterterrorist operations unit. In line with operational security we cannot discuss, nor ponder the unit's abilities.
     
  14. Somebody try something racist about how he can serve under a black commander in chief if Obama gets in - bet that gets a 'prompt' response.