Sexist Jokes

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous Jokes' started by JoeCivvie, Jan 3, 2012.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. No doubt they've been posted before but I can't be ARRSEd to check.

    1 -How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
    Marry It!

    2 -What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
    A battery has a positive side.

    3 - Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
    Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there..

    4 - How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
    Put a nipple on it.

    5 - Why do women fake orgasms ?
    Because they think men care.

    6 - If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
    Made her chain too long.

    7 - Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
    Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

    8 - Why do women have smaller feet than men?
    It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

    9 - Why do men fart more than women?
    Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

    10 - If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first ?
    The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

    11 - Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%..
    It's called a Wedding Cake.

    12 - Why do men die before their wives?
    They want to.
    • Like Like x 1
  2. One day, a long long time ago in a land far far away there lived a woman who didn't nag ,whine or bitch,,,,,,, But it was just one woman, one day and a fucking long time ago,,,,,,,
    • Like Like x 2
  3. If a man says something in the forest, and there is no woman nearby to hear him, is he still wrong?
    • Like Like x 2
  4. Why do women get married in white?

    It's traditional, all kitchen appliances come in white.

    Why do women have legs?

    To get from the kitchen to the bedroom. Or, have you ever seen the mess a snail leaves.
  5. Lads, lads, slow down a bit.

    There may be women reading this.
  6. I don't really know why, but just to maintain a little balance:

    What do you get if you cross a man and a gorilla?

    A really stupid gorilla!
  7. Two cavemen walking along, one says to the other "shall we teach the women to speak?, what harm can it do!"
    • Like Like x 2
  8. How many divorced men does it take to clean a bathroom???

    Nobody knows...... They never get the house!!!!!!
    • Like Like x 2
  9. A man runs over a women-whos fault is it?-the mans, he shouldnt be driving a car in the kitchen
    • Like Like x 1
  10. A scientist has invented a bra that stops tits jiggling about when a woman runs and prevents the nipples sticking out in cold weather....

    His collegues have kicked fuck out of him!!
  11. They have found out what it is that reduces the sex drive in a woman...

  12. phil245

    phil245 LE Book Reviewer

    how do you stop a woman from giving you a blowjob?

    Marry her.
  13. I just found the wife's G Spot - who'd have thought her sister had it all along.
    • Like Like x 1
  14. My wife gave me £50.00 and told me to go out and and spend it on something that will make her look sexy.. You should have seen her face when i came home pissed,
    • Like Like x 2