Sexist jokes not for the birds! Lol

Discussion in 'Sick Jokes' started by loyalbuddy, May 18, 2011.

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  1. One of me overseas mates just sent me a new EXAM paper on diversity -its about women's issues

    Send us your answers to this lot - :hump::hump:

    And have you ne others lads! Lol!

    1.How many men does it take to change a light bulb?
    None. Let the bitch do the ironing in the dark.
    2.What do you do if your dishwasher breaks down?


    Slap her.

    3. What do you do if your washing machine breaks down?

    slap her too

    4. What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?


    A mosquito quits sucking when you smack it.
    5.Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?


    When you take it off you wonder where her tits went.
    6.What is it when a man talks nasty to a woman?


    Sexual Harassment.

    7.What is it when a woman talks nasty to a man?


    £3.99 a minute.

    8.How can you tell if your wife is dead?


    The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.
     
  2. Last time I heard them I laughed so hard I fell of my dinosaur. :eh:
     
    • Like Like x 3
  3. Next time you travel back to 1984 would you mind picking me up a pair of those Nike trainers with the digital watches in the tongues rather than some shit jokes?

    Thanks awfully.
     
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  4. Any chance I can pop round tonight and chuck one up Betty tonight?

    I won't insult you by offering you that gwar slag Wilma but Dino's available.
     
  5. lol- back to the future
     
  6. Must take issue with your answers as they are all wrong:

    1. How many men does it take to change a light bulb?
    Correct answer: 3, one to hold the ladder, one to change the bulb and the third to make the coffee. As the first two will be too tired to do themselves.

    2. What do you do if your dishwasher breaks down?
    Correct answer: Make husband do the washing-up until he buys me a new one.

    3. What do you do if your washing machine breaks down?
    Correct answer: Beat husband violently because he has tried to wash his mud covered overalls in it. Then find the most expensive repairman to fix it – husband pays the account.

    4. What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
    Correct answer: Blondes do not make irritating buzzing noises that aggravate my dogs.

    5. Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
    Correct answer: Because we are wondering how the manufacturers justify the price!!

    6. What is it when a man talks nasty to a woman?
    Correct answer: Husband knows he has done wrong and trying shift the blame

    7.What is it when a woman talks nasty to a man?
    Correct answer: Me putting husband firmly in his place – the shed

    8.How can you tell if your wife is dead?
    Correct answer: Husband will be wandering around the house trying to find somebody that knows how to operate the cooker, washing machine and every other domestic electrical appliance. Add to which he is emaciated having not eaten for three days!!
     
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  7. Crack on Steven, I like bus stops and twiglets so will be more than happy to muck out Wilma, the filthy gwar bitch.
     
  8. What's the difference between a fridge & a fanny?

    The fridge won't fart when you pull the meat out...
     
  9. Can you take her out for Tapas as well then? That Pebbles is getting right on my wick.

    No need to lock the door.
     
  10. Mon dieu, bloody amazing - a man that knows where to find the fridge!!!
     
  11. You go there girlfriend, girl power and all that!!

    Why do women have babies?

    The cunts deserve it.
     
  12. Tapas? The slag will be happy with my rancid bacon torpedo or else she will find the side of her head meeting a solid wall at a rapid velocity. Pebbles can watch but not touch. Dino can toss my salad.
     
  13. I'll pay. Just take her out and leave Pebbles at home as I've got Pedro the Peado booked for 21:00hrs .

    This time next year with book sales we could be millionaires mucker.
     
    • Like Like x 2
  14. Fine, I'll go seconds on pebbles, by the time pedro is done I will enjoy her whimpers as I force my glans into her engorged botty-hole. Could we market the book as Maddie: What happened next?
     
  15. phil245

    phil245 LE Book Reviewer

    why do women get thrush? So they know what it is like to live with an irritating cnut.