Bloke is next to his wife as she is giving birth. The wife is screaming:- "AAAAAAAAA!! AAAAAAAAA!!! GET IT OUT OF ME. IT F*CKING HURTS! THIS IS ALL YOUR F*CKING FAULT. YOU F*CKING B*STARD!!" Bloke replies:- "It's not my fault, love. I wanted to stick it up your a*se, but YOU said it'd hurt too much!"