Sex Lexicon

Discussion in 'The ARRSE Hole' started by Forces_Sweetheart, Mar 4, 2004.

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  1. From the Daily Mirror.

    Quite a few I am pleased to say I did not know here.....

    As a service to readers who find themselves bewildered by terms such as roasting, dogging, piking and chubby chasing, BILL BORROWS presents his concise dictionary to some of today's bizarre sex jargon.


    THIS is a sexual preference for those without a full set of limbs, amputees usually. Traditionally, there are "devotees" and "wannabes".

    The former are dedicated to the pursuit of sex with people unable to either skateboard or perform handstands without the use of a prosthetic aid.

    The latter actually want to become amputees. As one case study from the John Hopkins University in Baltimore reported: "One man, fairly well known within the fraternity, has shot off his right leg with a shotgun. His only regret now is that he did not do it years sooner."


    A BIT of a new entry in the body modification charts. Branding does exactly what it says on the tin. Admittedly at the extreme end of BDSM (bondage, discipline and sado-masochism), it involves the use of a branding iron. And is believed to be extremely painful.


    THIS is popular with both homosexuals and heterosexuals and is based on the enduring sexual attraction of plump sexual partners. It was, in the minds of most practitioners, a black day when Victoria Wood and The Great Soprendo eventually called it a day. Nicole Kidman is not regarded as desirable by most people in this category. Kate Winslet is borderline.


    SUDDENLY very fashionable, this activity usually takes place in suburban car parks - or near beauty spots such as Alderley Edge in Cheshire. A couple will arrange to be in a certain place at a certain time and post the information on one of the "dogging sites" on the internet.

    Subsequently, gentlemen whose wives believe them to be walking the dog (perhaps the reason for the name), will turn up and take some measure of enjoyment from the spectacle. "Piking", otherwise known as "passive dogging", involves spectators watching the doggers working out.


    THERE is no delicate way to put this, but fans of the practice delight in the by-products of flatulence. Particularly popular in the Netherlands and Germany (along with several other things we are unable to print in a family newspaper), it remains something of a niche pastime in the UK. And we should be grateful for that.


    (See also: Worst job in the world)

    THIS is somebody employed on a porn film to make sure that the male lead, if you will, is constantly and therefore visibly entertained off screen. Also used to describe a woman who excites a man with no intention of going to the next stage.


    AH, yes. Well, this would be the practice of inserting an extremity into a hole in the wall in a public toilet. Initially conceived by the "cottaging" fraternity, this is now popular with those who are prepared to stand flat against an MDF partition with their life in somebody else's hands.


    HARD to define. Depending upon the source material, it is either a "penchant for partners who are useless in bed" or, according to the Encyclopedia Of Sexual Records, "fear of sexual incompetence or making a mistake". It really rather depends upon which side of the fence you fall.


    IMAGINE a High Court judge wearing a nappy and being fed heated milk from a bottle by a Romanian prostitute in an exclusive block of flats in Mayfair. And then winded while he talks about his unrequited love for his nanny.


    NOTHING to do with Playschool. I can only quote from The Sex Book by Suzi Godson: " A Jemima Suit is A leather or rubber suit with holes over the erogenous zones." Your imagination will have to do the rest.


    THIS is a monstrous conceit perpetrated by the people who put together glossy smutty magazines of the type that change hands for vastly inflated sums on school buses. The women in the pictures are "acting".

    Proper lesbians, as I'm sure most of us are aware, favour haircuts championed by the Grenadier Guards and/or play football for the Doncaster Belles.


    THE act (usually undertaken by a woman) of sitting on a man's head as though it might be a throne. The woman will usually be fully dressed. It is designed to underline who is in charge and is believed to have been very popular with ex-public schoolboy Cabinet ministers during Margaret Thatcher's time as Prime Minister.


    SINCE they were first advertised in the Sunday Times as "Personal Massage Devices" they have... ahem, come full circle. Sex And The City has made the Rampant Rabbit the first celebrity vibrator, but if Ann Summers sold a million PMDs last year, think about this: at least one very close friend has either bought or seen one in the last month.


    THE practice of putting naked pictures of oneself on the internet by making sure that the photograph of the item you are selling on e-bay has a reflective surface. Believed to have been started by a naked man taking a picture of a stainless steel kettle (NB: if photographing a spoon, bear in mind you will appear upside-down).


    FORMALLY referred to as "Spit-Roasting". The pre-match warm-up as favoured by overpaid, over-sexed, idiot Premiership footballers. Typically, the dramatis personae will include the midfield playmaker, a star striker and a starstruck nightclubber. And then up to half the youth team. Suffice it to say the young woman concerned will be caught in the middle and more busy than either of them.


    THIS is a bit like dogging and involves being sexually attracted to strangers. Occasionally referred to as "Doing a Ron Davies." Try to resist going to cash tills.


    PEOPLE who really like animals more than the rest of us. The non-militant wing are called "Furries" (and they like to pretend they are animals), the extremist faction are called "Zoophiles". And they like having sex with animals.

    A celebrated recent case involved 23-year-old Stephen Hall from Hull. He was sent to prison for six months for being caught in a compromising position with a goat in front of a train-load of commuters on their way to Bridlington. His defence counsel claimed it was a "spontaneous act".
  2. Chortle.
    Is the Jemima Suit a weight loss program as well?
  3. F_S could have saved yourself some time and just asked MDN!! :D he probably knew all the terms anyway :D :D :D
  4. so there isn't a term for a normal heterosexual males interested in sex with girls in their (legal)teens to upward ? and vice versa for girls etc :lol:
  5. Don't you just love sex education these days?

  6. I am guessing it is called heterosexual sex.

    The lexicon was published as a guide to (almost) 'everything else'...
  7. yes it took place behind the bikes sheds when i was a schoolboy and when i was chasing the girls around for a quick feel! ahh those were innocent times :lol:
  8. Some of us missed out on that fun - i went to an all girls school and no rug munching comments please :twisted: :lol:
  9. was there any rug muching going on tho ? :lol:
  10. I once had the dubious pleasure, during one of my many extra duties, of dealing with the wife of a NAAFI electrician (ex-Brit soldier), who was reporting a very physical fight she and her husband had had................followed by discovering him on their bathroom floor having carnal knowledge of their dachsund.............

    Not helped by the NAAFI General Manager answering the phone in his usual humourous manner, syaing "Hello, Battersea Dogs Home, Duty Dog speaking..."
  11. Would loved to have seen that entry in the occurence book, and also the look of shock on the RSM's face as he read it in the morning...... :)
  12. Aaaah - so that is why they are called 'sausage dogs'...?!
  13. thats horrid!!!
  14. So can it be construed from this The Grenadiers are proper lesbians ??

    If triple soled ammo boots can be termed 'comfortable shoes' that is
  15. PMSL!!!!! Classic!
    makes you wonder what state the wife was when the family dog was a better lay though!
    To much fun!