Seventy-eight things a woman cant do: (and counting)

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by A_Knocker_Till_The_End, Dec 28, 2008.

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  1. 1. Know anything about a car except its colour
    2. Understand a film plot
    3. Go 24 hours without sending a text message
    4. Lift
    5. Throw
    6. Run
    7. Park
    8. Fart
    9. Read a map
    10. Rob a bank
    11. Resist Ikea
    12. Sit still
    13. Tell a joke
    14. Play pool
    15. Pay for dinner
    16. Eat a kebab whilst walking
    17. Pee out of a train window
    18. Argue without shouting
    19. Get told off without crying
    20. Understand fruit machines
    21. Walk past a shoe shop
    22. Make a decent bacon sandwich
    23. Not comment on strangers clothes
    24. Use small amounts of toilet paper
    25. Let you sleep with a hangover
    26. Drink a pint gracefully
    27. Get a round in
    28. Throw a punch
    29. Do magic
    30. Like your friends
    31. Enjoy porn
    32. Eat a really hot curry
    33. Get to the point
    34. Buy plain envelopes
    35. Take less than 20 minutes in the toilet
    36. Sit in a room for five minutes without saying "I'm cold"
    37. Go shopping without phoning 20 mates
    38. Avoid credit card debt
    39. Dive into a pool
    40. Assemble furniture
    41. Roll a bogey between finger and thumb
    42. Set a video recorder
    43. Not try and change you
    44. Watch a war film
    45. Understand why flirting results in violence
    46. Spend a day by themselves
    47. Go to the toilet by themselves
    48. Buy a purse that fits in their pocket
    49. Choose a video quickly
    50. Conserve electricity, water or any other form of energy.
    51. Admit they are wrong
    52. Not try and undermine you
    53. Let you make your own decisions
    54. Agree with you
    55. Use common sense
    56. Make a major change to the world for the better with an invention
    57. Construct a floor plan
    58. Remember something that isn't for them
    59. Win something
    60. Walk out of a store with stuff they didn't plan to get before they walked in there
    61. Get something done right the first time
    62. Call anyone 'mate'
    63. Stay In The Kitchen
    64. Stay quiet for longer than 1 minute
    65. Find Madeline McCann
    66. Cook.
    67. Stop making their husbands lives hell.
    68. Get married and still give a blowjob.
    69. Have their money ready before they get on the bus.
    70. Clean out a tropical fish tank.
    71. Get ready in the morning without making a racket.
    72. Choose suitable footwear
    73. Post lists and pretend they're jokes.
    74. Compliment other women.
    75. Find your mates are good company for you.
    76. Take it up the arse without moaning about it beforehand
    77. Get this far without having argued with at least 1 of the above.
    78. Scratch their nuts whilst watching the telly.
  2. 79. not argue with the sat nav
  3. read a map
    buy petrol without changing shoes
    work anything without reading the instructions
  4. Uh-huh.

    Him: "This thing is wrong, bloody incompetent software,you're supposed to take a left there, I was a fcuking tank commander, trained to read maps, grunt bellow chunter..."

    Me: "Really? Then why have we just spent an hour circling Embankment?"
  5. Can't
    Use less bog roll
    Forget an argument, decades after
    Stop changing their hair
    Remember their own phone numbers
    operate the remote but never forget their share numbers
    See over the dashboard
    Do Spiders
    Stop talking through your film
    Stop going through your pockets
    Resist Checking your phone for messages
    Stop Answering your phone
    Keep out of your wardrobe
    Stop moving the front room about
    Stop Showing you up in public
    Resist bubbling you to your mates
    Stop eyeing up your mates
    Have a short phone call
    Remember what it was you fancied them for....

    Can't do without them though :roll:
  6. Cant understand that you can actually use one cleaning product in multiple areas of the house, and do not need to try every new washing powder, liquid, liquitab (whatever the fuck that is), concentrated fabric conditioner, etc. which hits the market.
  7. Auld-Yin

    Auld-Yin LE Reviewer Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    Understand the offside rule (just like most linesmen)
  8. ................ ever let the bloke have the last word EVER
  9. Understand the difference between "pressed" and "ironed" and "run" and "jog".

    "Are you going jogging?"
    "You take ages to iron your stuff"
  10. apply mascara with their mouth closed
  11. I know at least one that can do spiders... :twisted:
  12. Trans-sane

    Trans-sane LE Book Reviewer

    Try sending them my way then :D . But only if they are half way decent and less than 10 years older than me.

  13. If your last words are "yes dear" i dont see a problem with that one.
  14. Have sex ... with a man... without being or falling in love first!!!
  15. HappyNomad wrote

    We do, its just that a blokes last word marks the beginning of the next argument :D