Setting Up A GRU-Style Troll Farm

#24
Love to help but unfortunately what is laughingly called broadband in my part of Cumbria is a bit like a snake swallowing a goat. Any cyber badonage would therefore be like a two Ronnies sketch where my agitprop would be about three or four iterations too late.

Although, come to think of it, that might work rather well in terms of keeping the selected enemy confused.
 
#25
The OP clearly needs retired soldiery; people with a great deal of spare time between soup; with heads held high, chests out and a medal ribbon and little badge or two on their blazers, ready to do the right thing for King and Country. Those bloody Red types over there will never know what's hit 'em. Get in touch; although I don't come cheap, my internet flaming skills are second to soup already?
 
#26
The OP clearly needs retired soldiery; people with a great deal of spare time between soup; with heads held high, chests out and a medal ribbon and little badge or two on their blazers, ready to do the right thing for King and Country. Those bloody Red types over there will never know what's hit 'em. Get in touch; although I don't come cheap, my internet flaming skills are second to soup already?

Oh. Are you sure I'm suited for this, Captain Mainwaring?
 
#27
Inspired by the energetic, yet underwhelming performance from some of our contrarian electronic friends, I'm toying with the idea of setting up my own troll farm and contributing to the online pollution for cash. However, a few mundane questions and details remain about how to recruit trolls, setting key performance indicators and business development. So, in order for me to get rich, I need you all to share your wisdom. Here's a few of my own ideas:

1. Recruit university students, long-term unemployed and drug addicts. The "time rich" are available and if their expectations are low enough, they won't expect too much money. Every troll has his price and theoretically it's possible to set trolls against their former masters. Double troll agents if you like. If I can recruit current trolls living abroad, that's access to talent with experience.

2. Pay per post. Quantity over quality is the key here. It pays to have a massive volume of content to wade through, sucking up everyone's time and sapping the targets energy in the process.

3. How will the customer know that their investment is working out? Seeing threads become unreadable and making the target lock or close their accounts just to claw back the remaining segments of their sanity.

4. Business development. How to convince budget holders that investing in this troll dream is going to be key to their current goals.

Basically, the dream is that troll farms could eventually become accessible to the ordinary citizen. No longer would a person have to bite their tongue when some former colleague on Facebook shares a political view they disagree with. With minimal effort, a small investment and little accountability, you too could promote rumours that your friend's wife is a man, that he's serial rapist and shoulders partial responsibility for 9/11. All through the medium of memes, sh1tposting and 24/7 inbox harassment.
You're going into a crowded market and will need a unique selling point to make an impact with customers. I would recommend against modelling the service after the GRU, as they are late comers to the market and well behind the leading players when it comes to technology and effectiveness and in the end are just copycats who offer nothing which stands out in the market. Generally, with the exception of their prostitutes, Russians are not well known for providing quality service.

I would also suggest staying away from providing the routine general purpose staff and infrastructure for actual delivery, at least while you start up. There are plenty of commercial firms in the PR and "reputation management" business who already do this and you can use them as outsource sub-contractors. "Trolling" and "astro-turfing" has been used very widely in the west for many years by businesses and political parties to support new product launches, sabotage product launches of competitors, bury financial bad news, undermine consumer complaints, and gain political advantage. It is a well established branch of the PR industry and for some companies in the non-PR field it is a core competence in support of the revenue generating side of the business (e.g. travel and restaurant review sites).

Instead of trying to elbow you way into a crowded market as just one of many, I would recommend offering more specialized boutique services which can draw upon your ARRSE contacts in providing talking points, scripts, and metrics which can then be applied by the PR firms who are contracted to deliver the final product.

Here is a sample of the services you could provide:
  • If a client requires spittle-flecked anti-Muslim paranoiac ranting, there are several ARRSE members who are world leaders in this field.
  • If your client is an American defence contractor looking to win business in the UK, ARRSE offers a world renowned expert who will rubbish anything British or European while praising anything American endlessly, with all pseudo-factoids researched from whatever Google and Wikipedia throws up. As an added bonus, he has great experience at posting under a series of different usernames as each one in turn gets rumbled.
  • "Classic" military firearms sellers in the US may need promotion of their obsolete wares by equally "classic" former users.
  • Suppose the client is a leftist republican group looking to bring down the monarchy. There are ARRSE experts who can repeat misinformation about cost and taxes, scurrilous rumours about parentage, and feigned indifference about anything royal (whilst posting furiously on any thread which mentions them).
  • For the pro or anti-Brexit market, you have at your disposal a selection of pro-Brexit consultants who can provide a stream of cheery optimism and also anti-Brexit consultants who can provide a stream of repetitive and tedious doom and gloom. Play your cards right on this one and you may get the contract for both sides and can use both sets of them.
  • Vacation companies may need people who can speak with apparent authority on the relative merits of Thai lady-boys versus under-aged girls.
No doubt there are other subject matter experts whose on-line posting services you could sell. Suggestions for additional skill-sets are encouraged.
 
#28
As long as I am in the cubicle next to the one on the left, and at the opposite end of the office from the idiot on the right - I'll do it as an intern.

 
#30
Inspired by the energetic, yet underwhelming performance from some of our contrarian electronic friends, I'm toying with the idea of setting up my own troll farm and contributing to the online pollution for cash. However, a few mundane questions and details remain about how to recruit trolls, setting key performance indicators and business development. So, in order for me to get rich, I need you all to share your wisdom. Here's a few of my own ideas:

1. Recruit university students, long-term unemployed and drug addicts. The "time rich" are available and if their expectations are low enough, they won't expect too much money. Every troll has his price and theoretically it's possible to set trolls against their former masters. Double troll agents if you like. If I can recruit current trolls living abroad, that's access to talent with experience.

2. Pay per post. Quantity over quality is the key here. It pays to have a massive volume of content to wade through, sucking up everyone's time and sapping the targets energy in the process.

3. How will the customer know that their investment is working out? Seeing threads become unreadable and making the target lock or close their accounts just to claw back the remaining segments of their sanity.

4. Business development. How to convince budget holders that investing in this troll dream is going to be key to their current goals.

Basically, the dream is that troll farms could eventually become accessible to the ordinary citizen. No longer would a person have to bite their tongue when some former colleague on Facebook shares a political view they disagree with. With minimal effort, a small investment and little accountability, you too could promote rumours that your friend's wife is a man, that he's serial rapist and shoulders partial responsibility for 9/11. All through the medium of memes, sh1tposting and 24/7 inbox harassment.
Here's another idea. Try writing articles for the Guardian. Stuff that suggests you are on board with their views but with some clues in there that the observant non-Marxists can pick up on.
Your nom de plume is a good start. After a number of articles you might get asked on to BBC shows.
Jo Co: Our guest's today include blah blah blah and @BarcelonaAnalPark from the Guardian. That should tick a few diversity boxes.
 
#31
@BarcelonaAnalPark

IS it going to be like in Homeland?


If so, I want to be in the office like the one where the two Berlin sex club network engineers hack the CIA.

Just for the broadband speed. Obvs.
 
#32
@BarcelonaAnalPark

IS it going to be like in Homeland?


If so, I want to be in the office like the one where the two Berlin sex club network engineers hack the CIA.

Just for the broadband speed. Obvs.
No, it will be like in real life where you work in a call centre like environment, and you're not allowed to use the toilet until you have caught up on your quota.
 
#33
No, it will be like in real life where you work in a call centre like environment, and you're not allowed to use the toilet until you have caught up on your quota.
Well, that's pants.

I only went and did Network engineer courses to be up to my elbows in rubber, cables, tits and ass.

You mean they lied?

Screen Shot 2018-10-16 at 8.26.43 AM.png
 
#34
I'll keep you on the books. A little Russian counts as fluency for the purposes of business development. Whaddya reckon? This time next week you could be engaging directly with senior Moscow leadership on the merits of Krokodil. As you're the first to stick your cv in, I'll need you to write me up a bid for a major contract with a Nigerian local education authority. I'll pay you if we win it.
I can do Friday nights. Don't need cash just beer, my English becomes real poor as well at that stage, so win win all round.
 
#35
Put me down for the Colonies franchise... Have a lot of gibberish that needs to be spread.

@earth can do the sub continent and bang on about the brilliance of Indian Plumbing.
 
#36
I'd be happy to contribute, but only if I can use Mumsnet.
 
#37
I can do Scandanavia. I like blonde ice cold maidens:
 
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