Set up your webbing like a real soldier

Listen in, Cadets - take note of how the Full-Time professionals set up their belt order.


Use a '58 pattern belt, so that your wife can sell your PLCE one on Ebay.


Generally quite strong and well made, however - it could do with the following modifications:

Using a sharp knife, cut away the thread holding the straps together that secure those black buckles to the back of the yoke. Re stitch them back on using about 8 long loops of thread, and tie up the excess with two boot laces. You should now have two pull cords coming off the back of the yoke. This is what I call an Instant Self-Jacking Device. On a particularly vicious tab, assault course or some boneheaded March & Shoot that you want to get out of, wait until there is a new subaltern nearby, and pull the cords sharply. The weight of the pouched should self-destruct the webbing, and with luck, you'll go tumbling over in a dramatic heap. Get up straight away and carry on gathering the pouches in your arms (use this action to hide the laces in your combat jacket). Almost certainly a 2nd Lieutenant will say that you can't possibly go on and you'll have to stop. Check that the Jackl Wagon is empty, though, in case they make you swap webbing with a fellow skiver and carry on.


You may be required to carry actual ammunition and magazines in these, so here's a tip - as early on as you can in an exercise, fire off as many rounds as you can, hopefully, it'll be a while until the re-distribution of ammo, and you'll have less to carry. If it becomes desperate, hang around near the LSW and offer him magazines.


The Americans call this a "fanny pack" and there is a good reason for this. Instead of carrying useless shi t like wetproofs and rations in it - you can use it to store items that will increase your chances of getting your end away on exercise.

1) Especially if you don't smoke, get a lighter and a packet of cigarettes, and put them in one of those rubbery green pusser's bags and secure the top with a gooseneck and rubber band. 99% of female squaddies smoke, and after two or three days, the RHQ, LAD, stores and anywhere else that bints hang around will be heaving with them gasping for a tab like landed fish. The promise of a few buckshee ciggies will go a long way.

2) Baby wipes - if you play your cards right and you're in luck, she's still unlikely to go down on you if you haven't washed in four days.

3) Tweezers and proper scissors - for some reason, women always want these.

4) A bar of Galaxy. After some SSM has torn her a new arrse for being generally female and shi t, a woman soldier will be ready to believe that eating chocolate will make her like one of the women on the TV ads that sits on a sofa with two cats scoffing chocolates. Be there with the goods.


Do not attach this directly to your belt. With some adjustment, you should be able to fit a mini jism mag (like Forum) in the lid, and sewing two strips of elastic in should allow you to keep the pages open. If you wear the haversack by itself, you can shift it round to the front and flap the lid over - this will facilitate a sly w@nk on stag or wherever else. Obviously, you can't do this if it's on your belt.


In general, try and store any broken kit you come across (techinical things like bits of sights, compasses etc - not t-shirts). With a bit of luck, you might get sent to the LAD to get it repaired. Remember: The REME have box bodies with chairs, lights, sinks, radios and TVs. This is not a bad place to spend a few hours mincing.

349 POUCH:

Handy for keeping sweets or chocolate biscuits in. If you turn your head as though you're looking in the top of the pouch, you should be able to scoff some without anyone seeing, so you won't have to share them.


Arktis made these a while back to go on the yoke straps. Keep a pair of soiled women's knickers in it, and you'll be able to turn your head have a sniff everytime your morale gets low, or if you're looking in your respirator pouch.


You can probably fit two or three jism mags in this.

Where do I store the spare hood and cuffs for my cs95 jacket/aspiring smock?
5.56 has returned?...can it be?...

EDIT: Forgot to add that some good stuff there, although you forget about endless supplies of haribo in all ammo pouches, daysacks, front of bergan ,down smock etc...just in case

Cretin, superb guide to being Jack there mate! of course, you could just pull a sicky just before your unit goes out on the ex, get confined to bed rest, give it an hour or two for all the wagons to leave camp for the trg area, then go out on the pish-all the birds & beer you could want ......... oh, the Cadets are a bit young for that, never mind lads, you'll get there one day! :D

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