No, no career advice here, just an increasing rage as I approach middle age at all the rubbish "caveat" phrases we are presented with these days. For example, looking in my larder at my "this'll -come-in-handy-next-time-I'm-camping/can't-be-arrse-to-cook" tins, they all have a little picture of how the food should/could look....with the legend "Serving Suggestion" This caveat it to get them out of trouble if someone writes in and says; "I bought some of your beans and injured myself with the fork you saild I should use to eat them with". The firm can then write back and say; "Ah, but we only suggested a fork, you could of course have used a spoon". Or the person who writes in ; "I bought your hotdogs, but on putting one into a long roll, with some onions and mustard, found that the combination wasn't at all to my taste, and on reflection, would have much preferred one of your hotdogs with some of the beans from that other firm I write to". They respond; "Ah, but it was only a suggestion and you were of course, at liberty to serve the 'dogs with beans, at any time". So the bloke writes back; "Any suggestons on which implement to eat this tasty combo with? The bean company suggested a fork, but I stabbed my gums with it, in my excitement, and don't want to have to sue you aswell, so tread carefully you horrible conglomorate". etc etc. Here are some really bone examples. 1. Sainsbury's baked beans ( reduced salt and sugar, natch); picure of a plate with some beans on it. Oh, and a fork, a little closer to the camera, enticing you to eat some tasty beans. The legend "serving suggestion". 2. Heins Mulligatawny Soup; picture of some soup in a BOWL of all things. No fork this time, but a SPOON. The legend "seving suggestion" - REALLY, THANKS HEINZ, IF IT HADNT BEEN FOR YOUR LABLE, I WOULD HAVE TRIED TO PUT THE SOUP ON A PLATE, AND TRIED TO EAT IT WITH A KNIFE, IMAGINE THE MESS THANKS AGAIN YOU T0SSERS 3. Chira American Hotdogs...see above. Mind you, if they are aimed at the Septics, I can see their point. 4. Lancaster Chopped Ham and Pork. Picture of tinned meat SLICED ( no really? I was going to just stuff it all in my mouth and hope for the best) . The finishing touch is a sprig of parsley, just for a bit of class you understand. "Dear Sir, you suggested that I add parsley to my snack of your product (sliced) however, I found that parsley, while looking pretty, tasted gobbing, I am therefore demanding a refund of the parsley-sprig price of 26p". 5. Celebrity ( you have to laugh ) Bacon Grill ...( yes, I am from the 80s, when they bought the boil in the bag stuff in, it was never the same for me)... Picture; Bacon Grill duly grilled ( Gosh, thanks, I was going to put it in a tin of boiling water and then make some tea) accompanied by some eggs and beans - legend.."serving suggestion" (write to the bean company "Sire, I have recently purchased some bacon grill from one of your competitors, and they suggest that I have said bacon with beans, however they do not sell beans, do you think this is a good idea, and if you do, why not say so on your tins, so as to offer the consumer a more comprehensive set of suggestions?" ) 6. Oldenhauser "Gourmet" Goulash. Legend "serving suggestion" Picture; Goulash on a plate, parsley , with the "serving suggestion" but...NO EATING IMPLEMENT!!! "Sir, I recently bought some of your goulash. I try to dilligently follow serving suggestions, since it is to be assumed that the creator of this culinary masterpiece must know how best to eat it. Since your competitors suggest which eating irons to use, and you did not, I therefore assumed that in Hungary, which as you know is where this tasty dish originated from, they eat it with their bare hands. I am presenting with you with my dry cleaning bill and seek damages of Â£1,000,000 for my scalded fingers". Perhaps I should just go camping and take a racing spoon... AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!