Serious Medical Condition

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by spaz, Aug 13, 2013.

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  1. I was just lying in the bath trying to force out a rogue trump but to no avail. All the straining brought on an urge to gypsy's kiss but I couldn't squeeze that out either so I stood up to have another go. On standing up I suddenly felt a bit dizzy and it took a few seconds longer than usual to unleash a stream.

    Also my wife is about to return from work and find that I haven't done any of the things that I told her I was going to spend the day doing and instead have been sitting in my pants watching Only Fools and Horses and trying to convince my dog he can fly by picking him up and "Flying" him around the house making aeroplane noises.

    Have I got AIDS?
    • Like Like x 2
  2. Yes.

    Hope this helps.

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  3. It sounds more likely you have Tiffy spineless lezzer.

    Now try again and this time at least follow through leaving Brown stains down your pants and tell your missus you can't be ARRSED cleaning up.
  4. Try sticking the wife's "Big Dong" vibrator up your arse. You know, the one that makes you feel ashamed and inadequate. That should fix whatever it is that's ailing you.

    Hope this helps.
  5. Cheers chaps, so I have AIDS, I'm spineless and have penis envy all very reassuring. I was worried that it may be serious.
    • Like Like x 2
  6. I think you've got a big bottle of whiskey !!!
  7. WHAT?! He's got a Big Dong AND a bottle of whiskey up his rusty bullet hole? The dirty bastard.
  8. I think you have transmogrified into Harry Carrot's sock puppet, in which case it is VERY serious.

    What you need is to fix a fridge, spend a weeks wages on something you don't want or need and eat nothing but ham and tomato sandwichs from a vending machine for a week. Should sort you out.

    Oh, and lay off the Guinness. Drink of benders, that stuff.
  9. Are you living with Sluggy?
    • Like Like x 1
  10. Spaz's new avatar makes me go dizzy.
  11. Some of his DNA is still here. The dirty bastard.
  12. Get a bath then you minger
    • Like Like x 1
  13. I'm not a Grandma and wouldn't touch him with yours.
  14. Spaz should sit his wife down and hold her hand and gently explain to her that he's turned into a lazy bastard. :)
  15. Who hasn't?