Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by OldRedCap, Mar 16, 2005.
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Jim-Bob is all set to marry his seewtheart Mary-Sue so his father takes him to one side for some fatherly advice. "Son, when I married your momma as soon as we got back from the church I took off ma trousers and told your momma to put 'em on. She tried them but they was too big "I can't wear these, they're too big for me" she said. Damned right, says I - I wear the trousers in this relationship and always will! Since then we have had no problems." Jim-Bob thinks on this and on the day of the wedding he and his new bride are in the Honeymoon suite of the Pregnant Redneck Motel. He takes off his trousers and tells her to put them on. With predictable results she says "I can't wear these Jim-Bob, they're too dang big!" "Damned right" says he "I wear the trousers in this relationship and always will do - best you remember that!" Mary-Sue then slowly takes off her knickers and hands them to him "Put these on Jim-Bob" she tells him. He tries and tries but can't even get them above his knee. "Dangit Mary-Sue I can't get into your knickers" He complains. "And you never will do until you sort your f*cking attitude out" says she.
Calypso walks into a pharmacy. He walked around for a while until he found what he was looking for. He grabbed a box of ribbed condoms, walked up to the checkout lane, and slapped them on the counter. The sales clerk, looking suspiciously at him, said, "Well son, here you go, that'll be Â£2. Calypso pulled out a Â£5 note, handed it to the man, and the salesclerk asked him, "Now, do you know what the ribs are for?"
Calypso answered, "No sir I don't, but they sure make the hair on my goats back stand up!"
A little old lady was talking to St. Peter at the pearly gates when she heard a blood curdling scream,she sais to St. Peter "what was that" he replied ,dont worry its only someone getting holes drilled into their shoulders for their wings!,they carried on talking and another scream rang out,the old lady was very worried and said"so why are they still screaming",St. Peter said"dont worry they are getting a hole drilled into the head for the halo to be put on, "F*ck this said the old lady i'm going to go to HELL ,St.Peter was shocked and said"you dont want to go there,you will be sodomised and raped" the old lady said,"that as may be ,but i've already got the holes for that"
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