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This septic tourist is touring the wild highlands of Scotland and comes across an auld crofter sitting outside his wee hovel.As the septic watches he sees the auld boy is totally engrossed in making perfectly round little balls by rolling this black stuff in the palms of his hands and then putting them in a neat row on the window sill.
Curiousity eventually gets the better of him so the septic says,
'A' say thar, boy. What tham thar balls you're all makin' thar ?'

To which the crofter, without looking up, replies,
'Och oan, och oan, they're learning tablets. Five pounds each.'

'Y'don't say boy. Lurrnin' tablets hey ? Wall, a'll jest have me one of those !'
says the septic, handing over a fiver and popping the learning tablet in his mouth.

He chews for a few seconds and suddenly lets out a roar and spits the tablet out,
'Fcuk sakes, boy !! That thar tastes like sheep shite !!!!'

'Och oan' says the crofter, still not looking up, 'you're learning, you're learning !'

Talking of Yanks, over here in Oz they were on Exercise with the Aussie Engrs and my mate told them of the terrible"drop bears and hoop snakes" of Aussie Myth. They were horrified of the prospect of a eucalyptus drunken 20 kg Koala dropping on them and "ripping out their eyes". They then asked the friendly Aussies for advice and the antepodean jolly chaps helped them out. Ah yes!!! the advice given was prior to settling down for the night under the said dangerous tree drop zone you must put vegemite behind your ears and under your nose. The jars of vegemite were now regarded as currency and were so popular were nearly appearing on the FT100, imagine their faces when told the truth in the bar after 2 weeks in the bush stinking of vegimite (laughed all the way to the fracture clinic and nose never right again!!!!)

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