I don't want to get married because women bore me after about six months - I don't mean that in a shallow "they get fat and stop giving blowies" sort of way (although they do), it's just that women stop being funny and interesting after a while. I do however want a kid. It'd be cool and I could train him/her up like Mini Me off Austin Powers and turn them into great little squaddies. Cute kids are good for chatting up cute women as well, and I could train them up to steal things for me because children are smaller than adults. I could be a wise father figure, like Hannibal off the A Team and teach then wise stuff like "When confronted with man who is bigger and stronger, punch first to the neck and thence to the knackers." So, does anyone have a child they want to sell/lend me, preferably house trained and for logistic reasons, one that doesn't need breast feeding would be ideal. A basic grasp of english would be required too as I don't want to communicate in all that goo-goo la-la Tellytubby language. He or She could be the next Delai Lama or Van-Damme warrior monk leader of the known world kinda guy. I need a project so it's either going to be a childs education or that Airfix Spitfire I've been avoiding. Help!