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Sell me your Children!

#1
I don't want to get married because women bore me after about six months - I don't mean that in a shallow "they get fat and stop giving blowies" sort of way (although they do), it's just that women stop being funny and interesting after a while.

I do however want a kid. It'd be cool and I could train him/her up like Mini Me off Austin Powers and turn them into great little squaddies. Cute kids are good for chatting up cute women as well, and I could train them up to steal things for me because children are smaller than adults. I could be a wise father figure, like Hannibal off the A Team and teach then wise stuff like "When confronted with man who is bigger and stronger, punch first to the neck and thence to the knackers."

So, does anyone have a child they want to sell/lend me, preferably house trained and for logistic reasons, one that doesn't need breast feeding would be ideal. A basic grasp of english would be required too as I don't want to communicate in all that goo-goo la-la Tellytubby language. He or She could be the next Delai Lama or Van-Damme warrior monk leader of the known world kinda guy. I need a project so it's either going to be a childs education or that Airfix Spitfire I've been avoiding. Help!
 
#2
Nah, kids get real tedious after a while. Might I suggest getting yourself a woman who will dress up like, and pretend to be, a small boy. A mail-order Thai-bride would be ideal, they never get fat or stop giving lip-service. You could be the new Krankies! :lol:
Oh dear, I have just realised how much of a perv this makes me sound! :oops:
 
#4
RTFQ i think i have your man! He's a quiet little chap...... :?
http://www.arrse.co.uk/cpgn/index.php?name=coppermine&file=displayimage&album=11&pos=7

Well mannered around authority figures....... 8O
http://www.arrse.co.uk/cpgn/index.php?name=coppermine&file=displayimage&album=11&pos=36

can blend in well in as a master of disguised...... :roll:
http://www.arrse.co.uk/cpgn/index.php?name=coppermine&file=displayimage&album=11&pos=54

but tends to have a savage side to him...... :twisted:
http://www.arrse.co.uk/cpgn/index.php?name=coppermine&file=displayimage&album=11&pos=196

well what do you say?

Beebs x

PS all your inoculations are up to date right? :oops:
 

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