Self Righteous Cùnts.

I live in an area that is heavily policed by traffic wardens.
My mum has a blue badge, and I used it illegalllly for the first time today.
I was picking up her scrip from Boots.
 
I nipped into Tesco for a quick waz and parked as near to the entrance as possible.

Mr Hi Viz had to have 'a word', admonishing me for parking in the 'Parent and Sprog' bay.

"You can't park here, it's for parents and children only".

"I'm picking up a parent and child" had him flummoxed.

I was of course lying, as I'd be picking up a random child who had wandered off from an inattentive parent in store.

That'll learn 'em.
You weren't by any chance in Portugal 13 years ago were you?
 
It’s not just since I’ve been disabled either. I swear I attract them. One was the Regt 2IC, not a liked man at all.

He demanded I be charged for neglect of duty and technical incompetence.

I was in Edinburgh on immediate and was tasked to a munition on the Shetland Islands. Such incidents are Cat C2 - immediate response required, blue light if necessary. As the bomb vans were DAF 45s and not stollys we would have to get a ferry to Shetland, as we were carrying hazardous goods we had to catch a none passenger ferry from Aberdeen, the next sailing was the following day.

Day 2 - caught ferry. Takes 14 hours.

Day 3 - Arrive at Shetland, proceed to task, task complete. Manage to get return ferry same day.

Day 4 - Arrive in Aberdeen and back down to Edinburgh.

Receive phone call from 2IC bollocking me for taking 3 days to complete a C2 task, calling me a lazy bastárd and embarrassment to the regiment. Slams phone down before I get chance to reply.

10 minutes later the SAT calls me to ask what I’ve done now. I explain the task was in Shetland, SAT laughs and says to leave it with him.

Heard nothing more.
 

endure

GCM
I nipped into Tesco for a quick waz and parked as near to the entrance as possible.

Mr Hi Viz had to have 'a word', admonishing me for parking in the 'Parent and Sprog' bay.

"You can't park here, it's for parents and children only".

"I'm picking up a parent and child" had him flummoxed.

I was of course lying, as I'd be picking up a random child who had wandered off from an inattentive parent in store.

That'll learn 'em.

Hello Jimmy!
 

syrup

LE
I nipped into Tesco for a quick waz and parked as near to the entrance as possible.

Mr Hi Viz had to have 'a word', admonishing me for parking in the 'Parent and Sprog' bay.

"You can't park here, it's for parents and children only".

"I'm picking up a parent and child" had him flummoxed.

I was of course lying, as I'd be picking up a random child who had wandered off from an inattentive parent in store.

That'll learn 'em.

I had a similar discussion with the bloke at the local Morrisons when I took my mum shopping.
You can't park there it's parent and child
She's my mum
Not sure they were designed for a 50 year old and a 73 year old but there was no age limit.

Or when they challenge you say AW Crap I've lost the kid...….
 
It’s not just since I’ve been disabled either. I swear I attract them. One was the Regt 2IC, not a liked man at all.

He demanded I be charged for neglect of duty and technical incompetence.

I was in Edinburgh on immediate and was tasked to a munition on the Shetland Islands. Such incidents are Cat C2 - immediate response required, blue light if necessary. As the bomb vans were DAF 45s and not stollys we would have to get a ferry to Shetland, as we were carrying hazardous goods we had to catch a none passenger ferry from Aberdeen, the next sailing was the following day.

Day 2 - caught ferry. Takes 14 hours.

Day 3 - Arrive at Shetland, proceed to task, task complete. Manage to get return ferry same day.

Day 4 - Arrive in Aberdeen and back down to Edinburgh.

Receive phone call from 2IC bollocking me for taking 3 days to complete a C2 task, calling me a lazy bastárd and embarrassment to the regiment. Slams phone down before I get chance to reply.

10 minutes later the SAT calls me to ask what I’ve done now. I explain the task was in Shetland, SAT laughs and says to leave it with him.

Heard nothing more.
An RSM worth his salt would have had your ear and then had a friendly chat with the 2IC, knowing that the CO would have backed him.
 
An RSM worth his salt would have had your ear and then had a friendly chat with the 2IC, knowing that the CO would have backed him.
At a guess, SAT would have spoken to the OC, who would probably have emailed the Regt 2IC, he wasn’t a person anyone could speak to and expect reason.
 
I had a similar discussion with the bloke at the local Morrisons when I took my mum shopping.
You can't park there it's parent and child
She's my mum
Not sure they were designed for a 50 year old and a 73 year old but there was no age limit.

Or when they challenge you say AW Crap I've lost the kid...….
It would have been a good opportunity for you to ask your mum for bitty...
 
Can you please send Mr Gherkin over here to central Alberta in the winter (October to March) the temperature regularly drops as low as -40c even if it’s not that cold everyone and I mean everyone leaves their vehicles running all the time, he would have a field day telling everybody to switch their engines off, wandering up and down row after row of empty vehicles all emitting clouds of fumes.
 
It wouldn't be Mr Gherkin that would worry me. The nightmare would be parked up with the aircon, or heating on full, chilled out listening to some hip seventies song on Magic FM when there would be loud banging on the drivers window. Looking out I could see nothing.

Lowering the window and looking down I would see a strange mutant female (apparently but I wouldn't assume their gender) dwarf with long blonde hair looking very angry.

In a strange accent I last heard been spoken by the 'Swedish Chef' in the 'Muppets' the strange creature starts shouting "How dare you, how dare you, you have stolen my dreams, my childhood.my future, people are suffering, people are dying, and our eco systems are collapsing., we are in the midst of mass extinction and all you can do is sit there listening to Mungo Jerry"

"Not me love, honestly, I have never been to Sweden although I did have a good w@nk over Frida and Agnetha from Abba" I wail.

I look past her and see a horde of harridans fast approaching, all suffering from PMT. "This is time for a quick Jack Regean type getaway" I think. I put the engine in gear and gun it, and then stall it. I desperatly try to start it but without success, The harridans are almost upon me. I consider asking them for a jump start , but it is too late.

I then wake up, soaking wet with sweat and fear. Its just been a terrible nightmare. It couldn't happen in real life.........could it.
 

Cutaway

LE
Kit Reviewer
Parked in the disabled spot outside the local Co Op to quickly use the cash point.
Concerned pedestrian "You're not disabled"
Me "No but I am a cnut so no need to worry"
Concerned pedestrian "You're not disabled"
Me "Yes I am"
Concerned pedestrian "Wot's your disability?"
Me "Tourettes, now . . . do get along"
 
I save that till I'm off duty, I can't be arsed cleaning the inside of the car for the next officer. :D
 

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