Ooooh, top bloke in the union. How come you've never mentioned it beforeI parked in a senior managers spot once on a flying visit to a depot to pick some stuff up. It had his name on it but I was only intending to be there five minutes. When I got back to my car a few minutes later, I was blocked in by this guy who had parked directly across my exit from his spot.
One of the lads noticed his the door button was up so his car wasn’t locked so we took the handbrake off, pushed it out of the way, I reversed out and we pushed it back to where he had left it.
I was back in the same depot an hour later and as I drove in, he was stood there scratching his head looking at his car parked across the top of an empty bay.
He saw me and came striding over demanding to know how I’d escaped from where he had blocked me in. I was the Councils senior trade union guy at the time. I told him to eff off and stop wasting my time. His lips were moving but no noise was coming out of his mouth.
Oh the power!
fheckin brilliant.An emergency occurred today, the dogs had run out of shapes. In a blind panic we bombed down the A1 at speeds approaching Mach 1 to the nearest pets at home. As is usual in these emergencies, I dropped ‘er indoors as close to the doors as possible and sat in a parking spot waiting as any conscientious getaway driver would. The engine was running to keep the all important air con on in order to maintain my cool, suave, je ne sais quoi.
Id been there about 30 seconds, minding my own business, keeping out of trouble when a shadow was cast over me, as I turned to see what it was I saw a smallish bloke, about 5’6” lifting his arm up, he rapped his knuckle on my window, to which I wound down the window. This little fücker was a cliche, straight out of 70s sitcom, he looked like a younger version of George off George and Mildred, but without the moustache, before he even spoke I knew what his voice was going to be like and it fleetingly crosses my mind that one of you cünts had clocked me and was on a wind up.
In an officious nasally tone, Monsieur Gherkin informed me that it was illegal to park with my engine running. Today I was in a relaxed mood, despite the emergency we were facing due to lack of shapes.
Dingerr - “Thank you for reminding me, I will bear that in mind for the future”.
Engine continues running
Mr Gherkin - “Are you going to switch your engine off?”.
Dingerr - “No, I need it to keep the air con running as I need to keep cool and I’m not legally required to turn it off”.
Mr Gherkin - “You have to turn your engine off, or I’ll be forced to report you”.
Gherkin gets his phone out and starts filming.
Dingerr - “Is that the law?”
Mr Gherkin - “Yes”
Dingerr - “Which law?”
Mr Gherkin - “The Road Traffic Act”.
Dingerr - “Outstanding, ill remember that for when I’m out on the public roads, but I’m sure you’ll agree that the RTA does not apply to me right here right now as I’m on private land, which I’m permitted to be on in accordance with the sign on the wall over there, which says nothing about switching my engine off”.
Mr Gherkin glares at me.
Dingerr - “Do you have the land owners permission to film on their land?”
Mr Gherkin is getting quite agitated now, but still doesn’t put the phone down.
Dingerr - “How about I report you to the Police?”
Mr Gherkin - “What for?”
Dingerr - “I’ve done nothing wrong and you are harassing me, I’m also disabled which is obvious from the wheelchair which can be clearly seen in the back, harassing a disabled person will be recorded as a hate crime, I’ll just take a pic of you”.
Mr Gherkin storms off.
Top that gherkins
I nipped into Tesco for a quick waz and parked as near to the entrance as possible.Get on Freecycle and pick up a child seat for a fiver, then you can park in the parent and child space if you can’t find a disabled spot...
FoCI've always found the most effective way of dealing with unwanted attention from the self righteous busybody is to
stay silent during their rant, slowly look them up and down with obvious disgust, thencontinue doing exactly what I was before they opened their trap.
Their impotent rage is a joy to behold.
Oh, I have a sense of humour, its just Ive never had an emergency dash to get some dog biscuits, fk me whats the Dog gonna do? not a lot cos the hard men on here would obviously rip it from limb to limb.Yes. A sense of humour.
What’s your fetish about hard men? Something that you want to share with the group?Oh, I have a sense of humour, its just Ive never had an emergency dash to get some dog biscuits, fk me whats the Dog gonna do? not a lot cos the hard men on here would obviously rip it from limb to limb.
Anyway my beast has turned up and just had a piss and a giant shit in the garden, the bitch