Self Righteous Cùnts.

StBob072

LE
Book Reviewer
That'll be a bite then. You spout so much fiction it's hard to tell when it's in the non-fiction section.

Still, great dit. Keep 'em coming.
And what was your previous name?
 
I had Mr indignant stop me in a private supermarket car park and asked me to ticket a driver who had been driving around the car park using his mobile phone. I politely informed him that I was a traffic officer trained in traffic management for patrolling the motorway. His reply was, "if you can't ticket anyone, why are you driving a police car?" I pointed out that nowhere on my car stated police, in fact it's a different colour to a police car, I told him to ring 101 and made out like I'd been tasked to an incident and made a hasty withdrawal from the car park.
 

Cutaway

LE
Kit Reviewer
I had Mr indignant stop me in a private supermarket car park and asked me to ticket a driver who had been driving around the car park using his mobile phone. I politely informed him that I was a traffic officer trained in traffic management for patrolling the motorway. His reply was, "if you can't ticket anyone, why are you driving a police car?" I pointed out that nowhere on my car stated police, in fact it's a different colour to a police car, I told him to ring 101 and made out like I'd been tasked to an incident and made a hasty withdrawal from the car park.
You're basically a traffic warden not allowed to work in towns.
 
You're basically a traffic warden not allowed to work in towns.
Wrong, not even a traffic warden, they do parking enforcement, we don't do enforcement at all. We keep the motorway network in England running as best as we can and support the police by providing assistance at serious incidents.
 

StBob072

LE
Book Reviewer
What is a gherkin in this sense please? I've not come across this one.
 
An emergency occurred today, the dogs had run out of shapes. In a blind panic we bombed down the A1 at speeds approaching Mach 1 to the nearest pets at home. As is usual in these emergencies, I dropped ‘er indoors as close to the doors as possible and sat in a parking spot waiting as any conscientious getaway driver would. The engine was running to keep the all important air con on in order to maintain my cool, suave, je ne sais quoi.

Id been there about 30 seconds, minding my own business, keeping out of trouble when a shadow was cast over me, as I turned to see what it was I saw a smallish bloke, about 5’6” lifting his arm up, he rapped his knuckle on my window, to which I wound down the window. This little fücker was a cliche, straight out of 70s sitcom, he looked like a younger version of George off George and Mildred, but without the moustache, before he even spoke I knew what his voice was going to be like and it fleetingly crosses my mind that one of you cünts had clocked me and was on a wind up.

In an officious nasally tone, Monsieur Gherkin informed me that it was illegal to park with my engine running. Today I was in a relaxed mood, despite the emergency we were facing due to lack of shapes.

Dingerr - “Thank you for reminding me, I will bear that in mind for the future”.

Engine continues running

Mr Gherkin - “Are you going to switch your engine off?”.

Dingerr - “No, I need it to keep the air con running as I need to keep cool and I’m not legally required to turn it off”.

Mr Gherkin - “You have to turn your engine off, or I’ll be forced to report you”.

Gherkin gets his phone out and starts filming.

Dingerr - “Is that the law?”

Mr Gherkin - “Yes”

Dingerr - “Which law?”

Mr Gherkin - “The Road Traffic Act”.

Dingerr - “Outstanding, ill remember that for when I’m out on the public roads, but I’m sure you’ll agree that the RTA does not apply to me right here right now as I’m on private land, which I’m permitted to be on in accordance with the sign on the wall over there, which says nothing about switching my engine off”.

Mr Gherkin glares at me.

Dingerr - “Do you have the land owners permission to film on their land?”

Mr Gherkin is getting quite agitated now, but still doesn’t put the phone down.

Dingerr - “How about I report you to the Police?”

Mr Gherkin - “What for?”

Dingerr - “I’ve done nothing wrong and you are harassing me, I’m also disabled which is obvious from the wheelchair which can be clearly seen in the back, harassing a disabled person will be recorded as a hate crime, I’ll just take a pic of you”.

Mr Gherkin storms off.






Top that gherkins :1:
I don't like people going on about my height, and you should have turned it off when I said. And I'm not Mr Gherkin
 

Cutaway

LE
Kit Reviewer
Wrong, not even a traffic warden, they do parking enforcement, we don't do enforcement at all. We keep the motorway network in England running as best as we can and support the police by providing assistance at serious incidents.
And I'm sure the road users are grateful.


This one of yours ?
 
Did he, by chance, utter the immortal words "I'm not Happy ..." ?
He may have done, it was difficult to differentiate between his incessant whine and my tinatus.
 
Wrong, not even a traffic warden, they do parking enforcement, we don't do enforcement at all. We keep the motorway network in England running as best as we can and support the police by providing assistance at serious incidents.
It's fekkin' empty pal.
Wot you do all day?
No...don't...just...don't...
 
I had some cock have a go at me for parking in a family space when I was on my own , I just shrugged my shoulders and told him I didnt give a fcuk , he muttered something and fucked off , good job it didnt kick off as I`d had surgery two days before and had a catheter in , could have been messy.

Another time a mother had a go at me for parking in a family space again , my reply was , " If you and your fat kids walked a bit further you may all lose some weight" didnt go down well but amused a bystander.
Parking in Parent and Child spaces is something I do all the time. When challenged I point out I’m a parent which usually illicits the smug response from the personality vacuum doing the challenging of “so where are the kids?”.

The kids being 22 and 17 and one over 200 miles away is fecking irrelevant otherwise it’d be Parent and Child In The Same Car At The Same Time parking. That’s what happens when people are cheap and scrimp on the paint markings and signage.
 
A while ago we had popped into the local sainsburys, I pulled into the car park and parked up in a disabled bay, the missus popped in the store and I sat in the car. I was keeping an eye on her coming back when a red Merc A class parked beside me in another disabled bay. I noticed the bloke waving his blue badge about, but thought nothing of it, it clearly wasn’t for my benefit.

He got out his car and came round the front, gobbling off, I could hear what he was saying and didn’t bother responding. He was agitated and stomped towards the car, by this time the cünt was annoying me so I waited until he was close and opened my door sharply, attempting to catch cunto out. This proud bearer of a blue badge soon danced out the way so efficiently Fred Astaire would have taken tips off him.

He informed me I should be parked there.

Dingerr - “Why?”
Cunto - “It’s for blue badge holders only”
Dingerr - “No it’s not”.
Cunto - “Yes it is, you have to have a blue badge to use a disabled bay”.
Dingerr - “Not in this car park fella”.
Cunto - “Yes you do, it’s the law”.
Dingerr - “The blue badge scheme doesn’t apply to private land”.
Cunto - “You still have to show a blue badge to use a disabled bay”
Dingerr - ”Not according to the big sign in front of your car”

The sign said - If you are registered disabled, these spaces are here to help, if you are not please leave them for others.

Cunto - “Well you still have to display a blue badge”
Dingerr - “That’s up to the landowner and not for you to police, but while we are at it you don’t appear to be suffering from a disability that restricts your mobility so it would be fair to conclude you are either illegally using someone else’s blue badge or obtained it by deception”.
Cunto - “Fück off”

Cunto storms off.

When my wife came back I got her to take a pic of his blue badge a registration and dobber him in online (never heard anything back).
 
Quitter.

Adapt, improvise, overcome.

Or something.
Such as the manufacture of an Improvised Explosive Device to take fücktards out?

If I had to resort to that I’d be spending all my days posting you cünts ticking letters.
 
Such as the manufacture of an Improvised Explosive Device to take fücktards out?

If I had to resort to that I’d be spending all my days posting you cünts ticking letters.
More effort required. Develop an IED that can be delivered via Broadband. Now that would be impressive (and would make you richer than Bill Gates).
 

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