You're basically a traffic warden not allowed to work in towns.I had Mr indignant stop me in a private supermarket car park and asked me to ticket a driver who had been driving around the car park using his mobile phone. I politely informed him that I was a traffic officer trained in traffic management for patrolling the motorway. His reply was, "if you can't ticket anyone, why are you driving a police car?" I pointed out that nowhere on my car stated police, in fact it's a different colour to a police car, I told him to ring 101 and made out like I'd been tasked to an incident and made a hasty withdrawal from the car park.
Wrong, not even a traffic warden, they do parking enforcement, we don't do enforcement at all. We keep the motorway network in England running as best as we can and support the police by providing assistance at serious incidents.You're basically a traffic warden not allowed to work in towns.
I don't like people going on about my height, and you should have turned it off when I said. And I'm not Mr GherkinAn emergency occurred today, the dogs had run out of shapes. In a blind panic we bombed down the A1 at speeds approaching Mach 1 to the nearest pets at home. As is usual in these emergencies, I dropped ‘er indoors as close to the doors as possible and sat in a parking spot waiting as any conscientious getaway driver would. The engine was running to keep the all important air con on in order to maintain my cool, suave, je ne sais quoi.
Id been there about 30 seconds, minding my own business, keeping out of trouble when a shadow was cast over me, as I turned to see what it was I saw a smallish bloke, about 5’6” lifting his arm up, he rapped his knuckle on my window, to which I wound down the window. This little fücker was a cliche, straight out of 70s sitcom, he looked like a younger version of George off George and Mildred, but without the moustache, before he even spoke I knew what his voice was going to be like and it fleetingly crosses my mind that one of you cünts had clocked me and was on a wind up.
In an officious nasally tone, Monsieur Gherkin informed me that it was illegal to park with my engine running. Today I was in a relaxed mood, despite the emergency we were facing due to lack of shapes.
Dingerr - “Thank you for reminding me, I will bear that in mind for the future”.
Engine continues running
Mr Gherkin - “Are you going to switch your engine off?”.
Dingerr - “No, I need it to keep the air con running as I need to keep cool and I’m not legally required to turn it off”.
Mr Gherkin - “You have to turn your engine off, or I’ll be forced to report you”.
Gherkin gets his phone out and starts filming.
Dingerr - “Is that the law?”
Mr Gherkin - “Yes”
Dingerr - “Which law?”
Mr Gherkin - “The Road Traffic Act”.
Dingerr - “Outstanding, ill remember that for when I’m out on the public roads, but I’m sure you’ll agree that the RTA does not apply to me right here right now as I’m on private land, which I’m permitted to be on in accordance with the sign on the wall over there, which says nothing about switching my engine off”.
Mr Gherkin glares at me.
Dingerr - “Do you have the land owners permission to film on their land?”
Mr Gherkin is getting quite agitated now, but still doesn’t put the phone down.
Dingerr - “How about I report you to the Police?”
Mr Gherkin - “What for?”
Dingerr - “I’ve done nothing wrong and you are harassing me, I’m also disabled which is obvious from the wheelchair which can be clearly seen in the back, harassing a disabled person will be recorded as a hate crime, I’ll just take a pic of you”.
Mr Gherkin storms off.
Top that gherkins
And I'm sure the road users are grateful.Wrong, not even a traffic warden, they do parking enforcement, we don't do enforcement at all. We keep the motorway network in England running as best as we can and support the police by providing assistance at serious incidents.
It's fekkin' empty pal.Wrong, not even a traffic warden, they do parking enforcement, we don't do enforcement at all. We keep the motorway network in England running as best as we can and support the police by providing assistance at serious incidents.
Parking in Parent and Child spaces is something I do all the time. When challenged I point out I’m a parent which usually illicits the smug response from the personality vacuum doing the challenging of “so where are the kids?”.I had some cock have a go at me for parking in a family space when I was on my own , I just shrugged my shoulders and told him I didnt give a fcuk , he muttered something and fucked off , good job it didnt kick off as I`d had surgery two days before and had a catheter in , could have been messy.
Another time a mother had a go at me for parking in a family space again , my reply was , " If you and your fat kids walked a bit further you may all lose some weight" didnt go down well but amused a bystander.
More effort required. Develop an IED that can be delivered via Broadband. Now that would be impressive (and would make you richer than Bill Gates).Such as the manufacture of an Improvised Explosive Device to take fücktards out?
If I had to resort to that I’d be spending all my days posting you cünts ticking letters.