Self Righteous Cùnts.

An emergency occurred today, the dogs had run out of shapes. In a blind panic we bombed down the A1 at speeds approaching Mach 1 to the nearest pets at home. As is usual in these emergencies, I dropped ‘er indoors as close to the doors as possible and sat in a parking spot waiting as any conscientious getaway driver would. The engine was running to keep the all important air con on in order to maintain my cool, suave, je ne sais quoi.

Id been there about 30 seconds, minding my own business, keeping out of trouble when a shadow was cast over me, as I turned to see what it was I saw a smallish bloke, about 5’6” lifting his arm up, he rapped his knuckle on my window, to which I wound down the window. This little fücker was a cliche, straight out of 70s sitcom, he looked like a younger version of George off George and Mildred, but without the moustache, before he even spoke I knew what his voice was going to be like and it fleetingly crosses my mind that one of you cünts had clocked me and was on a wind up.

In an officious nasally tone, Monsieur Gherkin informed me that it was illegal to park with my engine running. Today I was in a relaxed mood, despite the emergency we were facing due to lack of shapes.

Dingerr - “Thank you for reminding me, I will bear that in mind for the future”.

Engine continues running

Mr Gherkin - “Are you going to switch your engine off?”.

Dingerr - “No, I need it to keep the air con running as I need to keep cool and I’m not legally required to turn it off”.

Mr Gherkin - “You have to turn your engine off, or I’ll be forced to report you”.

Gherkin gets his phone out and starts filming.

Dingerr - “Is that the law?”

Mr Gherkin - “Yes”

Dingerr - “Which law?”

Mr Gherkin - “The Road Traffic Act”.

Dingerr - “Outstanding, ill remember that for when I’m out on the public roads, but I’m sure you’ll agree that the RTA does not apply to me right here right now as I’m on private land, which I’m permitted to be on in accordance with the sign on the wall over there, which says nothing about switching my engine off”.

Mr Gherkin glares at me.

Dingerr - “Do you have the land owners permission to film on their land?”

Mr Gherkin is getting quite agitated now, but still doesn’t put the phone down.

Dingerr - “How about I report you to the Police?”

Mr Gherkin - “What for?”

Dingerr - “I’ve done nothing wrong and you are harassing me, I’m also disabled which is obvious from the wheelchair which can be clearly seen in the back, harassing a disabled person will be recorded as a hate crime, I’ll just take a pic of you”.

Mr Gherkin storms off.






Top that gherkins :1:
 
I chinny reckon that definitely happened.
You probably are a self righteous cünt and are never going to admit having your arse handed to you on a plate.
 

Endoscope

War Hero
I got asked by the female of the gherkin species over a garage tannoy system if I could maintain social distancing and separate from my team mate. Twas a bit of a surprise as we were both in uniform and were filling up the ambulance.... having spent a 12 hour shift in the cab together...
I put my "stop being a prick" when I went to pay using the fuelcard down to being overtired
 
I'm lost. Which one of you was the self righteous cünt?
 
I sat in the job van with the engine running, in order to power the aircon and fans for the, err.. customer compartment in the back, for about 25 mins outside a pub once and I shlt you not, a punter sat there watching me whilst chainsmoking his way through a pack of B&H before coming over to complain about me causing air pollution. I pointed out to him that it wasn't really my exhaust fumes which were fucking up his lungs.
 
Have you met Dinger?
You dozy twat.
I meant if you were in Dingerrs position sat in your car and Mr Officious taps on the window spouting shite.

How many would have given the uppity little prick a slap.


Slapping Dingerr is fine, it's not as if he can chase you is it.
 
I got asked by the female of the gherkin species over a garage tannoy system if I could maintain social distancing and separate from my team mate. Twas a bit of a surprise as we were both in uniform and were filling up the ambulance.... having spent a 12 hour shift in the cab together...
I put my "stop being a prick" when I went to pay using the fuelcard down to being overtired
or 'Karen' as they seem to be known by nowadays.
 

Helm

MIA
Moderator
Book Reviewer
You dozy twat.
I meant if you were in Dingerrs position sat in your car and Mr Officious taps on the window spouting shite.

How many would have given the uppity little prick a slap.


Slapping Dingerr is fine, it's not as if he can chase you is it.
That's why he keeps the engine running, ffs are you that dense?
 
You dozy twat.
I meant if you were in Dingerrs position sat in your car and Mr Officious taps on the window spouting shite.

How many would have given the uppity little prick a slap.


Slapping Dingerr is fine, it's not as if he can chase you is it.
I do get instances where I really want to slap people, but I simply can’t. In a way it’s fortunate and probably saved me time in court.

I have learned to adopt the laid back, couldn’t give a fuck attitude when dealing with Gherkins as I know it really gets under their skin. I’m seething inside. Sometimes I get a bit shouty, but that’s usually for ignorant cünts, not gherkins.
 
An emergency occurred today, the dogs had run out of shapes. In a blind panic we bombed down the A1 at speeds approaching Mach 1 to the nearest pets at home. As is usual in these emergencies, I dropped ‘er indoors as close to the doors as possible and sat in a parking spot waiting as any conscientious getaway driver would. The engine was running to keep the all important air con on in order to maintain my cool, suave, je ne sais quoi.

Id been there about 30 seconds, minding my own business, keeping out of trouble when a shadow was cast over me, as I turned to see what it was I saw a smallish bloke, about 5’6” lifting his arm up, he rapped his knuckle on my window, to which I wound down the window. This little fücker was a cliche, straight out of 70s sitcom, he looked like a younger version of George off George and Mildred, but without the moustache, before he even spoke I knew what his voice was going to be like and it fleetingly crosses my mind that one of you cünts had clocked me and was on a wind up.

In an officious nasally tone, Monsieur Gherkin informed me that it was illegal to park with my engine running. Today I was in a relaxed mood, despite the emergency we were facing due to lack of shapes.

Dingerr - “Thank you for reminding me, I will bear that in mind for the future”.

Engine continues running

Mr Gherkin - “Are you going to switch your engine off?”.

Dingerr - “No, I need it to keep the air con running as I need to keep cool and I’m not legally required to turn it off”.

Mr Gherkin - “You have to turn your engine off, or I’ll be forced to report you”.

Gherkin gets his phone out and starts filming.

Dingerr - “Is that the law?”

Mr Gherkin - “Yes”

Dingerr - “Which law?”

Mr Gherkin - “The Road Traffic Act”.

Dingerr - “Outstanding, ill remember that for when I’m out on the public roads, but I’m sure you’ll agree that the RTA does not apply to me right here right now as I’m on private land, which I’m permitted to be on in accordance with the sign on the wall over there, which says nothing about switching my engine off”.

Mr Gherkin glares at me.

Dingerr - “Do you have the land owners permission to film on their land?”

Mr Gherkin is getting quite agitated now, but still doesn’t put the phone down.

Dingerr - “How about I report you to the Police?”

Mr Gherkin - “What for?”

Dingerr - “I’ve done nothing wrong and you are harassing me, I’m also disabled which is obvious from the wheelchair which can be clearly seen in the back, harassing a disabled person will be recorded as a hate crime, I’ll just take a pic of you”.

Mr Gherkin storms off.






Top that gherkins :1:
Now I know you are against civvys having guns but imagine if you had a 9mm in the glove box , you could have kneecapped him then reversed over him , it would have made you feel so good.
 
Now I know you are against civvys having guns but imagine if you had a 9mm in the glove box , you could have kneecapped him then reversed over him , it would have made you feel so good.
And if I’d had legs I could have kicked fück out of him.
 

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