self inflicted wounds

Did anyone witness some twat inflicting a wound on themselves?

Buller Barracks 1985, recruit training troop. Some bloke from Battersea decides he doesn't want to play anymore and decides on a cunning plan to break his arm. He rests his arm between two chairs and lets someone drop a bumper on it. The troop of about 35 witness this, all crammed into the room. Someone is despatched to the guardroom to summon help. His arm is truly broken. We are all quizzed and the consensus of opinion is that a locker just fell over onto his arm. The corporals diidn't believe us as nobody had ever seen a locker just fall over. Anyway he was never seen again.

Later, back up the lines in the grown up army, my mate had a flap of skin by his naval, a bit like a postage stamp that served no purpose.After several pints up the Alex he decides to carry out self surgery and slice said skin off with a gammy knife.... the blood, the blood!
Not actually seen the act but heard it x 2.
D & D's in Bosnia, the rotund chap they had running the NAAFI got fed up of selling cans of pop,crisps, UN Towels and Op Grapple T Shirts. He put his foot up on a stool and put a 5.56 round through it.

The second was a chap in Milan Platoon coming back in from a night standing patrol decided he wanted to go the same way home. However he decided to turn the weapon to face him and shoot himself in the shoulder. which could have ended much worse. Much shouting out the window by us as he did it just outside our block.


Book Reviewer
With 1RGJ in Traz just before deploymemnt to NI mid 91, PTI L/Cpl on stag decides to make safe with his foot up on the sandbox by the guardroom, round straight through foot, apparently, he didn't fancy going on tour.


Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
Didn't see this myself, but know of a lad who wanted out quickly. So being a chef he decided to use what was close at hand.

The huge water boilers had just started boiling, so he stood in front of it and poured the lot down his legs.
Rather him than me mind, it hurt enough when you hand accidently went into it.
At my wedding reception held in a Margate pub in the late 80's, one of the guests came along in his lunch hour. He did not want to go back to work so slashed his arm with a carving knife. He rode back to the factory where he works and saw the foreman and told him he had an accident. The foreman told him to go up to a&e but of course he came back to the reception. Idiot.
a few years ago a mate of mine didn't want to go on exercise, so decided to ask me how he could get out of it, so without thinking i told him to sprint into a wall head first thinking he wouldn't be that dense, but to much amusement the dozzy git thought it was a great idea.

next thing i saw was him running at the wall, there was a loud cracking noise and blood everywhere, to my shame i couldn't stop pissing myself with laughter.

best thing was seeing him on exercise with a sore look, i still can't keep a straight face when i see him.
Musgrave Park, as I come out of surgery theres a new patiant in the next bed screaming, "whats his problem"ask I "He got a "Dear John" from his girlfriend, and shot himself through the foot with an SLR" " Poor sod "say I " Yes" said the nurse," but he just got a letter from her saying she didn't mean it,thats why he's lost it" how we did laugh. He spent the rest of his time there under suicide watch
Not quite self inflicted, however, final battlecamp in basic training (Otterburn). Chap dislocates his finger and asks 2 of us to 'reset' it so he can complete the week and not be backsquadded.
It's surprising how easy an index finger breaks when 2 f&ckwits are let loose.
A Tele Mech called TWOIE on the AACC in 84/85 decided enough was enough and got his mate to jump onto his leg which was braced between two beds, fucked his knee up for life . Shame he could have just said "I want to be RTU'd "
I arrived at a location to fill a gap in the stag rota, so naturally tactfully enquired after a couple of days who's bedspace I had enheritted.

Turned out, some chap had realised war was not for him, and had shot himself in the foot. Wasn't the first time I'd ever heard of this happeneing, but it's the only case I've heard of someone getting the free ride home by using a minimi.
Took me quite some time to get my head round what might have been happening in his messed up mind.
Palace Barracks Jan 2005. 2 twunts (1 brand new the other a c$ck just back from AWOL) decide they don't want to go on exercise so try to break each other's arms by slamming them in a locker. One is succesful, the other just injures himself. They are overheard doing this. Quick trip to hospital, back to barracks and off on exercise to Otterburn. The AWOL guy had no kit so he had a really good time.

Edited to add - both also did time in Colly for the offence.
Exercise in 93, bloke really got into the swing of things and pistol whipped a Figure11 during live firing. Not a good idea with an SA80 and shot himself in the shoulder. Walked up to the medic saying he thinks he broken his arm and bled out less than ten mins later. Oh how we laughed!!
I referred in less than flattering terms to the rather 'adventurous' wife of one of the Company NCOs within his earshot. I'm pretty sure that counts as self-inflicted.


Quite a few in the early 70s ended up in Musgrave Park because of shooting themselves in the foot. One stupid pillock though not only did that but he was upstairs in a house at the time, offending round hit a bloke below in the shoulder. If the lottery had been about in those days I think he would have bought a ticket.
One bloke hanged himself in a drying room in Omagh and was not FOUND for a few of days , but there were a couple of soaking wet shirts in there at the time he was found, no one ever claimed them, from then on it was" go and dry yourself in the hanging room "jokes in the bar
I medivacd a plonker out of Creggan once who shot himself twice with one bullet, through his thigh and then through his calf he had been sitting when he NDed a Browning 9 mm
I medivacd a plonker out of Creggan once who shot himself twice with one bullet, through his thigh and then through his calf he had been sitting when he NDed a Browning 9 mm he was "cleaning" He bleed all over the Macralon in the back of the Scout and we never did get the smell out, as the blood had soaked right into the plate and gone off in a big way
At Minden, one of the air troopers had got pissed and was on a bit of a downer. As his next move was to start popping tablets, his bed was carried into the bar so we could all watch. He continued popping pills and was having trouble swallowing them, so someone kindly (but stupidly) bought him a drink. Fortunately the one person with any common sense that night was also in the bar (it wasn't me as I was too pissed) and got the guy a glass of salt and water. When the emetic took effect, he (the pill popper) broke seven world records running down the corridor and spent the rest of the evening (and most of the night) puking his ring up in the bog. Good job really as his bed had got locked in the bar.

The irony is that once he got over it (and he did), he was very sadly killed a few months later (along with another) in a car crash on the way back from a disco.
See, although this thread's a nice idea (cracking Avatar by the way, PSP) it's attracting all manner of stories I am quite frankly, having trouble believing.

Not doubting they happened, or something similar happened - but to the level described?

Not having a pop at you MS - I find the idea of a trooper popping pills and spewing his ring up quite believable.

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