Selection 14

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous Jokes' started by LazyCaretaker, Sep 13, 2010.

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  1. Why do tampons have strings?

    So the crabs can go bungee jumping.

    What's the difference between an old prostitute and a young prostitute?

    A young prostitute uses KY Jelly, an old prostitute uses Polyfiller.


    What's is the bit between a woman's asshole and her vagina?

    - The chin rest.

    What's the difference between a Pub and a clitoris?

    - Most men can find a pub.

    What is the knob for at the end of a man's dick?

    - To stop his hand from slipping off.

    What is the definition of a male chauvinistic pig?

    - Someone who thinks "harass" is two words!!!

    Why are men like toilets?

    - They're all either vacant, engaged or full of crap.

    Why do gays use ribbed condoms?

    - Better traction in the mud.

    Two gays are having sex, when suddenly a guy on the TV says that there is an emergency, and everyone has to leave the city. Which one is ready to leave first?

    - The one on the bottom, he's already got his shit packed.

    Two condoms are walking past a gay bar.

    The first one says "Let's go in there and get shit faced!"

    Did you hear about the experimental line of Lesbian running shoes?

    They're called Dike's, but they never sold very well, the tongues weren't long enough.

    These two cannibals are sitting down to eat this great big fat guy that they had just killed, and they are discussing who gets to eat what. So they decide that one will start at his head, and the other at his toes. So they are eating away and one cannibal says to the other, "Hey man this guy is delicious, isn't this great?"

    And the other cannibal says, "yeah, this is excellent, I am having a ball!"

    And the first cannibal yells back "Slow down! You're eating too fast!"


    Why do women have chins?

    For men to rest their balls on.

    "If I could be a woman for a minute, I'd play with myself for an hour..."


    how do faggots get a condom off?

    They fart.

    An old man boarded a bus and sat down across the aisle from a punk kid. The punk had bushy hair that was dyed all different colors: red, yellow, green, blue and orange. He had clips of feathers hanging from his ears and hair.

    The old man kept staring at him until the punk said to the old man, "Hey old man, haven't you ever done anything crazy in your life before?"

    The old man answered, "Hell yeah, I have, I screwed a parrot about 20 years ago and I thought you were my son!"


    What do you see when the Pilsbury doughboy bends over?