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Sea Lions Granted Arrest Powers In Terror War

#1
The War on Terror is opening up career opportunities to previously overlooked marine mammals.

Dolphins and sea lions will be operating in teams for the U.S. Navy on underwater patrols.

When they spot a terrorist planting an illicit underwater mine, the dolphins will mark the crime scene with flashing lights.

"The sea lions carry in their mouths a cable and a handcuff-like device that clamps onto a terrorist's leg. Sailors can then use the cable to reel in the terrorist."

"Navy shows off anti-terror dolphins" By THOMAS WATKINS, Associated Press Writer
Fri Apr 13, 2:02 PM ET
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070413...or_dolphins;_ylt=Ah76b7Imz_X7xGw6EPPQcxqs0NUE
 
#3
Not_Whistlin_Dixie said:
The War on Terror is opening up career opportunities to previously overlooked marine mammals.
Quite right too. It's time those scroungers started working for a living instead of hanging around in zoos waiting for taxpayers to chuck dead fish into their mouths.


Not_Whistlin_Dixie said:
When they spot a terrorist planting an illicit underwater mine, the dolphins will mark the crime scene with flashing lights.
Will that be flashing blue lights strapped to their heads? Will they be trained to make sounds like a police sirene when rushing to apprehend the enemies of freedom?

Not_Whistlin_Dixie said:
Sailors can then use the cable to reel in the terrorist.
Probably a bad idea given the current enthusiasm for suicide bombing.

You just can't help loving the US Navy can you? I believe they tried something similar in Vietnam. The main difference was that the dolphins were trained to kill divers with some sort of nasty, spike device strapped to their backs rather than 'arrest' them.

Trouble is, dolphins aint as smart as many people think. They just couldn't grasp the 'round eyes good, slant eyes bad' philosophy that formed the basis of US defence policy in the 60's.

Increasing numbers of American port divers went over the side and were never seen again. Each diver's disappearence was invariably followed by a pod of elated but blood stained dolphins surfacing, giving each other high fives and demanding fishy treats for a job well done.

Under interrogation, one of the cetacean killers stated "It's not our fault. You all look the same to us". It also transpired that the dolphins had not escaped the epidemic of drug abuse that swept the US forces in Vietnam. Much of their fish was found to be laced with LSD.

Little is known about the post-war fate of these animals. It's thought that some of them escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground where they now survive as dolphins of fortune. Another is thought to be the shadowy mastermind behind the seminal, 80's new wave band 'Killer Dolphins on Acid'.
 
#5
An early example of Sea Lion brutality?

http://news.sky.com/skynews/article/0,,30000-1260649,00.html

The ink on their warrant cards is hardly dry, and already they're throwing their weight around.

It's only a matter of time before they start fitting people up, and planting evidence in their swimming trunks.
 
#6
If only the US could train Bisons and Bobcats to be soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan , thier allies would feel a lot safer .
 
#7
gallahad said:
If only the US could train Bisons and Bobcats to be soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan , thier allies would feel a lot safer .
Sorry! I don't get your point here? What is it you were trying to say? :roll:
 
#8
Ancient_Mariner said:
Not_Whistlin_Dixie said:
The War on Terror is opening up career opportunities to previously overlooked marine mammals.
Quite right too. It's time those scroungers started working for a living instead of hanging around in zoos waiting for taxpayers to chuck dead fish into their mouths.


Not_Whistlin_Dixie said:
When they spot a terrorist planting an illicit underwater mine, the dolphins will mark the crime scene with flashing lights.
Will that be flashing blue lights strapped to their heads? Will they be trained to make sounds like a police sirene when rushing to apprehend the enemies of freedom?

Not_Whistlin_Dixie said:
Sailors can then use the cable to reel in the terrorist.
Probably a bad idea given the current enthusiasm for suicide bombing.

You just can't help loving the US Navy can you? I believe they tried something similar in Vietnam. The main difference was that the dolphins were trained to kill divers with some sort of nasty, spike device strapped to their backs rather than 'arrest' them.

Trouble is, dolphins aint as smart as many people think. They just couldn't grasp the 'round eyes good, slant eyes bad' philosophy that formed the basis of US defence policy in the 60's.

Increasing numbers of American port divers went over the side and were never seen again. Each diver's disappearence was invariably followed by a pod of elated but blood stained dolphins surfacing, giving each other high fives and demanding fishy treats for a job well done.

Under interrogation, one of the cetacean killers stated "It's not our fault. You all look the same to us". It also transpired that the dolphins had not escaped the epidemic of drug abuse that swept the US forces in Vietnam. Much of their fish was found to be laced with LSD.

Little is known about the post-war fate of these animals. It's thought that some of them escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground where they now survive as dolphins of fortune. Another is thought to be the shadowy mastermind behind the seminal, 80's new wave band 'Killer Dolphins on Acid'.
FFS if we ever manage to capture them UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES keep them in a pond with underwater welding/cutting equipment and a collection of old junk. :twisted:
 

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