Firstly a Happy Burns Night to all who have yet to celebrate the immortal memory of the great bard. And then wake up with a jagged bonnet. You have been warned. Repeatedly and I expect you will all go ahead anyway. I did the sensible thing and celebrated early - to maximise recovery time as I'm not getting any younger. Luckily Hogmonay was only a few weeks ago and I thought I would still be match fit. I had a late fitness test, diverting from the supermarket run fopr a couple of pints - which slipped down nicely. Then on to the Burns Supper, where i drank a couple of beers, a bottle of red and two or three large malts. Convivial, appropriate blah-de-blah. The evening finished early and TFB and I set off home about 0030. Alas and alack, we had to pass aother Burns Supper - which we had sadly had to decline in ordder to attend the first one. Well I still had half a bottle of malt and it doesn't keep you know. Plus this supper had TFB's gang in attendance. In like Flynn we went and we passed a couple more hours in badinage and I drank the ret of the malt. All of it. Plus some of my host's malt. Then a beer because I had a drought on me. Then I went to get up and pick up my rucksack - we are never guilty of under-supplying booze when we walk out. A moment earlier I had been witty, dashing, passing anecdotes of the life of Rabbie, discussing his radical politics and hatred of Whiggery. I had been immaculately turned out, charming and flirtatious and kindly by turns. In short a Caledonian gentleman. Next I am head down on the kitchen floor having battered my brains out on a work surface edge. As I went down I thought "Oooh me privy places, will they be revealed as my kilts go fleein!" Yes indeed a girly thought for a rough Highland man you're thinking. I should perhaps have rolled on my back and made sure my gherkin and silverskin onions were presented to the assemblage. I then apparently elegantly regained my feet - the assembled company open-mouthed that there wasn't a dead Cuddles, like some monstrous tartan skinned rug, on the kitchen floor. I then set off home at a speed mark you, though clearly concussed. Next I remember, I was waking at 1100. However I will have a clear reminder on my baldy heid for the next couple of weeks of the "Night of Two Burns Suppers". Age brings not wisdom...experience brings wisdom. I clearly had no defence when up on Wife's Orders yesterday. Accept your award ma'am. March out.