Now, we've all heard tales of people using strange things to have w*nk. Liver in the radiator, sitting on your hand to make it feel like someone else. Now it seems anything is fair game for a bit of gratification. A guy from North of the border has been charged with trying to have sex with a tree A tree for f*cks sake, in a park. Quote: It is claimed he then tried to have simulated sex with the tree while his trousers were around his ankles. Shaw, of Airdrie, yesterday pleaded not guilty to an act of public indecency at the town's sheriff court. Stranger still further on in the piece is the romantic tale of the man who tried to hump the pavement Or another poor freak who tried his luck with a bicycle Quote It is not the first bizarre sex charge to hit the headlines in Scotland. In 2007 Steven Marshall, 19, admitted simulating sex with the pavement in Galashiels, Selkirkshire. In the same year Robert Stewart, 53, was caught by two cleaners having sex with a bicycle in his hostel room in Ayr. What the f*ck is going on up there? Are there not enough cr*ck riddled slappers to take out your urges on?