I thought I would write a piece about Scotland for Wiki, but decided to check it for accuracy on here first. All comments welcome. Geology Scotland didnt exist until the Emperor Hadrian, correctly identifying the threat from Scandinavia (only 6 or 7 centuries too early) had a defensive wall built along the northern shoreline of what would later become England. His Sappers tipped the spoil from digging out the foundations of the wall in to the sea, and this spoil gradually settled to become land. The weight of the spoil disturbed the underlying geology off the sea-bed, resulting in unique deposits welling up through the settling land-mass. These included the spunk off long-dead dinosaurs, which rose through the earth to form porridge bogs; and dinosaur fat - rendered by the pressure of the earth above - which bubbled up to create Lard Geysers. Both these came to play a key role in the diet of the people who came later. People No-one is exactly sure where the people who came to be known as Scots came from , but modern Anthropologists speculate they may have come from the cross-breeding of dwarf Neanderthals with a now extinct species off particularly vicious Orang-Utangs resulting in the small, gingerish race which now inhabits Scotland. Possibly driven out of more civilised cultures, the Scots arrived in Scotland and began to populate it. As TV had not yet been invented, the Scots favourite pass-time was incest and so they lived in big family groups called clans just to make getting a shag easier. Kings From earliest times Scotland has been ruled by whoever could shout lets kill the English bastards the loudest. Previous kings of Scotland have included Sean the Wifebeater, Mel the Gibson, King Harry of Lauder and Alexfurgy the Mad. All the kings have had the same consort from time immemorial, Princess Susan of Boyle (alternating Wednesdays and afternoon matinees she may be replaced by Princess Janet of Krankies. Religion From earliest times the Scots have been natural Catholics as they enjoy many of the same foibles as Rome, i.e. dressing in womens type clothing, talking unintelligible drivel, and molesting small children. However, some have broken away to form a counter-religion, and now the two main religions in Scotland are called Rangers and Celtic. Dress The Scots distinctive national dress developed from the desire to easily rise and go to the Brew to sign-on. Consequently they would get out of bed, draping their blanket around themselves and head out of the door. This developed in to the kilt, which also catered to the Scots predilection for cross-dressing. Wearing a skirt also made it easier to molest small animals and sheep. The Scots persisted in wearing skirts until the gentle civilising influence of the English made many Scots realise that cross-dressing was not really on. Culture There are many cultures in Scotland, the majority being treatable with antibiotics. The only incurable one is called golf, which results in the sufferer wearing loud clothes, lying, and driving around in a small clown car. Food Before the potato was brought back from the New World, the Scots diet consisted almost exclusively of porridge dug from the porridge bogs, and Haggis, a small wild animal related to the Treacle Badger. Their main drink, whisky, is actually Haggis piss. Single malt whisky is taken from older, wilier Haggis which are more difficult to catch, hence the commensurate rise in cost. Following the introduction of the potato, the Scots discovered that dipping them in the Lard Geysers resulted in them becoming fried. By cutting potatoes in to small pieces to speed cooking time, the chip was invented, and this is now the staple food. In recent times many non-indigenous food-stuffs have been imported in to Scotland, but all are, by tradition, fried. Exports The main exports from Scotland are: Swearing, fighting, shouting unintelligibly, whisky, soldiers, loud golfing clothes.