Science Humour?

Discussion in 'The Science Forum' started by Excognito, Jan 5, 2011.

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  1. I saw a book on Obsessive Compulsive Disorder - just had to buy it. Fit's in nicely with the other 2,329 I've got arranged in alphabetical order in my library.

    Also saw a good book on Multiple Personality Disorder - I was in two minds as to whether to buy it or not.

    A friend bought me a book on overcoming irrational fears. I've got Bibliophobia. :-(
     
  2. "If the universe is expanding, Why can't I find a parking space?"

    "Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of"

    "If scientists are so smart, why do they all count backwards?"

    "If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate"

    "A friend sent me a postcard with a satellite picture of the entire planet taken from space. On the back it said, "Wish you were here".

    "The surest sign of intelligent life elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us"

    "Scientists have discovered a noise just prior to the big bang that sounds something like 'oops' "

    "not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen and oxygen for example, there would be no way to make water... a vital ingredient in beer"
     
  3. Wish I could follow them... brilliant and funny... :)
     
  4. There are 10 types of people who understand binary. Those who do and those who don't.

    A neutron walks into a bar and orders a pint. "How much?" he asks.
    "For you, no charge" replies the barman.

    I prefer to call OCD CDO, that way it is in alphabetical order as it should be.
     
  5. A vacuum is an empty region of space where the Pope lives.

    Entropy isn't what it used to be.
     
  6. Q. Two cats are sitting on a roof, which one falls off first?
    A. The one with the smallest mew.

    A good phrase to utter when leaving a room: "Let's make like a field and get the flux out of here"

    sin(x), cos(x) and e^x go to a party. sin(x) and cos(x) are right in there, getting all the ladies, pouring drinks, downing pints (probably getting naked too). e^x is all by himself in the corner, nobody's really speaking to him, and he's clearly a bit down. sin(x) and cos(x) go to talk with him, and encourage him to join in. "Come on e^x, why don't you come and integrate with us?". "No" he replied, "it wouldn't make any difference".

    I'm very sorry, I'll stop now.
     
  7. Two atoms are talking in a bar. One says to the other, "You're looking a bit miserable! What's the matter?" "You're right!" Says the other atom, "I've lost one of my electrons." "Are you sure?" asks his friend, " Yes," comes the reply, "I'm positive."
     
  8. Protons have mass?? I didn't know that they were catholic...

    Where does bad light go? A prism.

    Heisenberg was stopped by policemen for speeding. They asked him if he knew how fast he was going. He replied
    "No, but I do know exactly where I am"

    Pi says to the square root of -1
    "Get real!"
    "Not until you're rational!"

    Black Holes destroy things? I didn't know physics was racist...

    Particle physics gives me a Hadron

    :D
     
  9. Fang_Farrier

    Fang_Farrier LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    What does DNA stand for?

    National Dyslexics Association
     
  10. There was a young scientist called Dwight
    who could travel much faster than light.
    He departed one day
    in a relative way
    and returned on the previous night.
     
  11. You're an engineer if you can prove it mathematically...
    If you ever take something apart and put it back together with pieces left over you have just found a new way of making it more efficient.
     
  12. Albert Einstein......

    "Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one."

    "Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new."

    "Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen."

    "Technological progress is like an axe in the hands of a pathological criminal."

    "If A is a success in life, then A equals x plus y plus z. Work is x; y is play; and z is keeping your mouth shut."

    "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe."

    "Peace cannot be kept by force. It can only be achieved by understanding."
     
  13. Power, Work, and Energy are walking along when suddenly someone walks up and kicks energy. All three fall down in agony.
    "Hey!" yells energy, "I'm the one that got hit, not you guys! Why are you moaning?"
    "Are you kidding?" Yells Power. "We just got kicked in the Joules!"
     
  14. Q: What did the hippocampus say at its retirement?

    A: Thanks for the memories.


    Q: What did the amygdala say at its retirement?

    A: It's been emotional.



    Q: Why did the neuron see a therapist?

    A: Because it had trouble controlling its impulses.



    Q: Why did the action potential cross the optic chasm?

    A: To get to the other side.
     
  15. Fills me with glee, AL.

    Hah! Some people have got a nerve! I thought these jokes had a cell-by date?

    -----------------------

    Would the action potential have really crossed the optic chasm to see what was on the other side?