Scam phone calls

One this Morning, "Hello this is John from Amazon" No you're fu***** not. Piss off you Wa*ker
 

sirbhp

LE
Book Reviewer
If you ever have to go to Shoeburyness. Take the A road, the okay road that's the best. Go motorin' on the A13
, Hadleigh, Leigh on Sea...It's the A Road, the OK road that's the best
whats the difference between shoebury and shoeburyness.....
 

theoriginalphantom

MIA
Book Reviewer
I may add 'in accordance with the scriptures" as often as possible at some point
 

theoriginalphantom

MIA
Book Reviewer
I've found the swiss german version of my hovercraft etc..

 
I shouldn't like it thought that I sit here plotting revenge against these bastards who know exactly when I am sitting down for lunch or up on a step ladder but I have given it some malevolent thought.
I've not had the chance to act upon my plans but that time will come, no doubt.
1st Part - Annoy them gently, ie not enough for them to put the phone down;
Scammer: Are you near your computer, Sir?
Me : It's upstairs, I'll have to change phones, do you mind If I put you on hold?
(I already have an audio of (below) which I then play as "hold music")


Part 2
Having taking the phone off hold, and assuming he's still there, we get to the stage where he will ask me to run the program which will allow him to take over my PC. More often than not it's a program called Team Viewer.
This is where I would hope to cause maximum confusion when I have utmost difficulty in understanding and using variations on the old phonetic alphabet parody to try to comprehend;
me: Is that "T for Two?"
Even if he gets that, he's going to have trouble with the rest;

I reckon I could string it out for 20mins or so.

Eva Braun
A for horses.
M for size

V for la France
I for Novello
E for brick
W for Vindaloo
E for Or
R for Askey

Then I announce I've finally got the program to run;
Scammer: I can't see anything, Sir. What's happened
Me; A big square notice has popped up, - It says "Some cow-f****** is trying to scam you, turn your computer off immediately"

Click
 
I shouldn't like it thought that I sit here plotting revenge against these bastards who know exactly when I am sitting down for lunch or up on a step ladder but I have given it some malevolent thought.
I've not had the chance to act upon my plans but that time will come, no doubt.
1st Part - Annoy them gently, ie not enough for them to put the phone down;
Scammer: Are you near your computer, Sir?
Me : It's upstairs, I'll have to change phones, do you mind If I put you on hold?
(I already have an audio of (below) which I then play as "hold music")


Part 2
Having taking the phone off hold, and assuming he's still there, we get to the stage where he will ask me to run the program which will allow him to take over my PC. More often than not it's a program called Team Viewer.
This is where I would hope to cause maximum confusion when I have utmost difficulty in understanding and using variations on the old phonetic alphabet parody to try to comprehend;
me: Is that "T for Two?"
Even if he gets that, he's going to have trouble with the rest;

I reckon I could string it out for 20mins or so.

Eva Braun
A for horses.
M for size

V for la France
I for Novello
E for brick
W for Vindaloo
E for Or
R for Askey

Then I announce I've finally got the program to run;
Scammer: I can't see anything, Sir. What's happened
Me; A big square notice has popped up, - It says "Some cow-f****** is trying to scam you, turn your computer off immediately"

Click
P for Pteria

P for psalm

K for Knight

W for wrap

C for czar

H for hour
 
Last edited:
One this Morning, "Hello this is John from Amazon" No you're fu***** not. Piss off you Wa*ker
Think I just had him on the phone. The current scam is to claim they've blocked a fraudulent gift card and try to spook you by telling you your IP has "changed from private to public" - as evidenced by Google displaying your public IP address if you ask it to.

I think I managed to keep him on the phone for 15 minutes (much to my daughters amusement), even telling him he was a scammer didn't get him to give up - he was insistent that TeamViewer wasn't remove control software and was needed to send me a cancellation form. In the end he started to repeat anything I said or asked him back:

Draz: Do your parents know you're a thief (repeat question several times) as he keeps going quiet.
Draz: Maybe you don't know you're a scammer. If you don't, go ask the company you work for what they do. If you do go jump in a lake.
Scamming Scum: What is it you desire?
Draz: For people like you to die?
SS: You want people like you to die? I agree
Draz: You're not very good at English are you?
SS: No, you're not very good at English?
Draz: Ahhh, I see, we're just repeating what I say now, that is amusing.
SS: muttering followed by **** you (hangs up)

At least during the time he was trying to convince me he wasn't scum, he wasn't calling someone else.
 

Longlenny

War Hero
Book Reviewer
The phone rings, I answer by repeating the number, an Asian 'gentleman ' is on the line. He asks, vot your name?
Me. I'm not telling you.
AG. Tell me your name.
Me. No, you tell me your name.
AG. You piece of shit, tell me your name.
I have a smattering of Urdu so in that language I ask him, Ap ka nam, keya heh? (What is your name? ) Surprisingly he tells me that his name is Mohammad Iqbal.
Again he says, tell me your name.
Me. Alright, my name is Hucker.
AG. Vot?
Me. Hucker, my name is Hucker.
AG. I don't believe.
Me. It's right.
AG. How you spell?
Me. H. U. C. K. E. R.
AG, light bulb moment. 'Vot your first name?
Me. Rudolf.
AG. Vot?
Me. Rudolph, .
AG. Rudolf?
Me. Yes.
AG. I never heard of Rudolf.
Me. Can't help that, it's the same as the reindeer.
AG. Vot reindeer?
Me. The one that pulls the sleigh.
AG. You fuckin mad.
Me. You would be mad if you were called Rudolph Hucker.
AG. Dick.
With that he hangs up.
 

anglo

LE
Email today.

email.png
 

theoriginalphantom

MIA
Book Reviewer
it turns out that adding 'in accordance with the scriptures' after every sentence makes them hang up very quickly.

I do these things, not so you don't have to - no so you can have a bloody good laugh at me being a knob.

again
 

theoriginalphantom

MIA
Book Reviewer
My next idea is to be a riff raff/Igor like character.

" I shall see if the master is in "
 

Joshua Slocum

LE
Book Reviewer
I had Mr Awfully Posh bloke on the phone yesterday
I now tape record everything
ring ring ring
Good Morning
Hi its Chris , I am a local energy advisor in your postcode area, I hope you are doing ok today
Yes thank you
beep
the bugger hung up
 

theoriginalphantom

MIA
Book Reviewer
I wonder what'll happen if I play Hitlers greatest speeches down the phone at them ?
 

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