I been asked to say Grace at a mates wedding. I don't want to do the normal "For what we are about to receive etc etc".
If anybody has got any funnies they would be gratefully received but please bear in mind I am of a sensitive nature.......not
Heavenly Father, we ask you to bless this food and those who prepared it and those who will serve it. We also ask your blessing on [bride's name] and [bridegroom's name] who have come to you this day to unite themselves to you in love and sacrament, and upon their families. In Jesus' love.... Amen.
O vengeful lord on high, creator and destroyer of worlds, smite those here gathered who reject thee and bring a plague upon their families. I ask you Yahweh, bring fourth a great famine and starve those evil doers who reject your sustaining bounty before us today. I beg of you great Jahovah, come upon all the infidels with a swift sword, burn the flesh of the apostates gathered here and lace their cups with a holy poisen. Lord I did pray for floods upon the land to wash away the sinful, now I ask you to bless our meal, while you do so I beseech thee to wipe out the hippy hordes who curse thy name and destroy ye the Pikey Chav's amongst us. Lord make fire and ash to rain upon all those of other faiths who do not worship thee, wipe France & Belgium from the map, upon Germany deficate and in America let yellow snow befall them. Amen!
We give you thanks for food and wine,
For the chefs and all who serve us.
From drunkeness and rowdy times,
Dear Lord, we pray, preserve us.
Yet, should we to temptation fall,
We pray you will forgive us,
And look kindly on us, sinners all,
And, God preserve our livers.
Least apt, but probably best received, our Padre on the eve of DS1: "Gentlemen, the Field Prayer of the 52nd Division. Oh Lord, we ask that you judge between us and our enemies, and if it be Thy will, grant us victory. Amen."
Short, to the point and covers a multitude of sins, just like the honeymoon should be.