Saturday funny

A man goes to the council to apply for a job.
The interviewer asks him "Have you been in the armed forces?" "Yes," he says " I was in the army for three years and served in Iraq."
The interviewer says "That will give you extra points toward employment" and then asks " Are you disabled in any way? " The man says "Yes 100%... a mortar round exploded near me and blew my teasticles off."
The interviewer tells the man "OK. I can hire you right now. The hours are from 8:00AM. to 4:00 PM. You can start tomorrow. Come in at 10:00 am."
The man is puzzled and says "If the hours are from 8:00 AM. to 4:00pm then why do you want me to come in at 10:00 AM?"
"This council job "the interviewer replies."For the first two hours we sit around scratching our balls..... no point in you coming in for that."
a muslim has just crashed his car into the ulley reservoir in sheffield.

police think its the start of ramadam.
And another

A bus load of nuns die in crash and go to heaven.
St Peater asks the first nun have you ever had contact with a penis?
She says I touched one with my finger.
St Peter says dip it in holy water.
He then turns and asks the next nun, i fondled one.
So he tells her to put her hand in holy water.
Suddenly there's a commotion, a nun has pushed to the front,
St Peter asks whats wrong?
The young nun replies
If im going to gargle holy water I want to do it before sister Ann sticks her
arrse in it.
paddy is tapping a girl up in a disco,"how about fun at my place?".she replies "i,m on my menstral cycle."

paddy answers "great i,m on my scooter you can follow me home".
The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, "Hello."

"Mrs. Ward, please."


"Mrs. Ward, this is Doctor Jones at the Medical Testing Laboratory. When
Your doctor sent your husband's biopsy to the lab yesterday, a biopsy from
Another Mr. Ward arrived as well, and we are now uncertain which one is
Your husband's. Frankly the results are either bad or terrible."

"What do you mean?" Mrs. Ward asks nervously.

"Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's,
And the other one tested positive for AIDS. We can't tell which is your

"That's dreadful! Can't you do the test again?" questioned Mrs.Ward.

"Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one

"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"

"The people at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere
In the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him."


Book Reviewer
Old boy gets a knock at the door

"Mr Jones my name is Fortesque - Smythe I'm from the MOD and i'm pleased to tell you we've sorted out your disability war pension"

''But I was wounded in 1944 - it's been nigh on 63 years fer fukc sake''

''Well these things take a spot of time tell you what name your terms and I'll back date it 63 years''

''Give me a quid for every inch from the end of my dick to my balls''

''I must say it's highly unusual but if those are your terms could one drop his trousers''


''1,2,3,4,5 Ahh say wheres your testicles Mr Jones?''

In fukcing Arnhem town centre where I left them you w4nker :D

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