SAS: Protecting bars across the globe. (Walt tales abound)

#1
Was sitting in my local the other night reading a book and sipping a pint as i do when i was approached by a young lady who asked me what i was reading. As it happens i was reading David Loyn's Butcher & Bolt (A damned fine read about the history of conflict in Afganistan) We chat breifly about Agfan history and she remakes that her boyfriend would enjoy chatting to me also.

This chap pops over and asks if i am a squaddie to which i reply "nopes" as i am not. He cracks on with how he is a former squaddie and so on. I let on that i am currently getting myself fit for selection and he begins to regale me with firstly a bookshop worth of things i need to read and a pile of kit i should buy. He then proceeds at warp speed into you guessed it "when i was with THEM we used to...." at this point i am rather wishing i had brought a fucking Harry Potter book.

So muggins spends 10 mins listening to balaclava boy telling me about 5million mile marches and the assorted jundi slotting.

I turned to the chap and suggested that it would be fantastic if a man of his experience lived locally i would love to have a running partner during my sweaty monging round the local park.

And Shazaam! He probably was exThem as within seconds he had not only gone totally silent but had evaporated into the air. I have never seen a guy disappear so swiftly.

Are all local pubs protected by ex-SF or am i just lucky to know that should al-qaeida storm the Dog & Trumpet we will all be rescued by Halfashandy McStab and he mates.

Kinda sad that this blokes bird was obivously well aware of his former life as a ninja warrior.
 
#3
It's the law.

Local authority licensing laws now stipulate that every premises selling intoxicating liquor must have a Walter Mitty who was on the Balcony, went down South in '82, been on attachment with the US Navy SEALs knows what colour the boathouse is, and Andy McNab's real name (but won't tell you for OPSEC/PERSEC reasons).

If they don't have one on the premises they are liable to a £5000 fine and/or revocation of the license.
 
#4
"....I turned to the chap and suggested that it would be fantastic if a man of his experience lived locally i would love to have a running partner during my sweaty monging round the local park....."

Excellent, my first fitness walt.
 
#5
You should have gripped him and perhaps thrown him out of a Chinook.....it's the appropriate way to deal with these types I'm led to believe.
 
#6
Disney said:
I let on that i am currently getting myself fit for selection...
Walts outting walts... wonders will never cease!
 
#8
Disney said:
Are all local pubs protected by ex-SF or am i just lucky to know that should al-qaeida storm the Dog & Trumpet we will all be rescued by Halfashandy McStab and he mates.
That would depend on where local is ?
 
#10
What would his tack have been had you answered "Yes, I am a Squaddie" - just for the moment???

I would imagine that you could have regaled him with tales of action and adventure, quoted directly from said book, and with any luck he'd have been SO grateful he'd have let you do his missus, by the numbers, just for the act of filling his Walt-like mind with yet more quotable facts.

You may have been able to close the session off with an "opsec" warning, and demanded that he avails his wench for your use, whensoever you require, and in return you'd "put a good word in for him".....

Poor drills..

Man up.
 
#11
I was in a pub beer garden in Chelsea the other day having a pint, reading a book, generally minding my own business. Some old codger wearing a red coat and black short peak cap came over to me and asked to borrow my zippo, as he said his one had run out of fuel. He stated he had always used zippos as they were brilliant and that he had quite a collection back at his room in the hospital. He never showed me his empty zippo and i think he had a Londis disposable special. Fcuking lighter walt.
 
#12
And Shazaam! He probably was exThem as within seconds he had not only gone totally silent but had evaporated into the air. I have never seen a guy disappear so swiftly.


The reason he had disappeared so swiftly was because of his training. Silent with th epower to disappear into thin air. You should try it. I did. Shazaam!
 
#13
Wow. Did you see that. And now I am back and am now going to preempt the sarcastic comedians by doing it permanently. Shazaam.
 
#14
blackrat_scaleyback said:
I was in a pub beer garden in Chelsea the other day having a pint, reading a book, generally minding my own business. Some old codger wearing a red coat and black short peak cap came over to me and asked to borrow my zippo, as he said his one had run out of fuel. He stated he had always used zippos as they were brilliant and that he had quite a collection back at his room in the hospital. He never showed me his empty zippo and i think he had a Londis disposable special. Fcuking lighter walt.
Come BS red coat, black hat and probably a walking stick obviously a zippo Walt if he does have one I bet he fills it up with meths.
 
#15
Pattaya, Thailand. There are more walts per square foot than anywhere else on the planet. It is the home of the "ex-them".
 
#16
Civvy-Ginge said:
Pattaya, Thailand. There are more walts per square foot than anywhere else on the planet. It is the home of the "ex-them".
Oh indeed and it's full of female walts who think they're a woman even though they have a massive big c0ck :lol:
 
#17
Spanny said:
Civvy-Ginge said:
Pattaya, Thailand. There are more walts per square foot than anywhere else on the planet. It is the home of the "ex-them".
Oh indeed and it's full of female walts who think they're a woman even though they have a massive big c0ck :lol:
Or so you've heard?
 
#18
mistersoft said:
Spanny said:
Civvy-Ginge said:
Pattaya, Thailand. There are more walts per square foot than anywhere else on the planet. It is the home of the "ex-them".
Oh indeed and it's full of female walts who think they're a woman even though they have a massive big c0ck :lol:
Or so you've heard?
Some ladies out there are indeed walts, even the ones without big c0cks.
I've heard some say they love me. Even though I'm Ginger......Walts!!
 
#19
mistersoft said:
Spanny said:
Civvy-Ginge said:
Pattaya, Thailand. There are more walts per square foot than anywhere else on the planet. It is the home of the "ex-them".
Oh indeed and it's full of female walts who think they're a woman even though they have a massive big c0ck :lol:
Or so you've heard?
Just repeating what I've seen on television and the internet :oops:
 
#20
Spanny said:
mistersoft said:
Spanny said:
Civvy-Ginge said:
Pattaya, Thailand. There are more walts per square foot than anywhere else on the planet. It is the home of the "ex-them".
Oh indeed and it's full of female walts who think they're a woman even though they have a massive big c0ck :lol:
Or so you've heard?
Just repeating what I've seen on television and the internet :oops:
Of course. :wink:
 

Similar threads

Latest Threads

Top