Sanctimonious celebrities; dont you just love them?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Lucky_Jim, Feb 16, 2007.

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  1. Nominations are invited for the most pompous, self-righteous 'celebrity'.

    This was prompted by a story on BBC News:

  2. WTF, why cant rock stars just make some tunes, then choke on their own vomit like the old days. Now they just drive around in a Prius telling us all how sh1t we are.

    Madonna can especially fcuk off, the gap toothed scrawny old biffer
  3. I wish Madonna all the best in wanting to be like like Gandhi, Martin Luther King, and John Lennon - they are all dead.

    Geldof's a d1ck, a applaude his causes, but the way he goes about it and spouts off you would think he was the only voice on the planet and he never seems to say thank you for the billions that people have given.

    Jeremy Paxman is a star Politicians and the such like must be bricking it when they know they are going to be interviewed by him.

    Rick Waller, Nuff said

    Eamonn fecking Holmes the cnuts everywhere he's even on Sky News now.

    Naomi Campbell - stroppy bitch, model, fecking model the only thing that big lipped bitch should model is motor bike leathers complete with helmet on.
  4. BONO, followed rapidly by the pratt named STING.
  5. Stings wife is not much better either; in Salisbury a couple of years ago she was doing a book signing for her "organic" farm book and it obviously wasn't going very well because the staff of Ottakers were on the pavement asking people, "would you like to meet Trudy Styler?"
    Que Mrs Tombs, "good heavens no!"
  6. The first two I can deal with, but John f'kin' Lennon? Chroist on a boike... :frustrated:

  7. the_boy_syrup

    the_boy_syrup LE Book Reviewer

  8. for my sins I've met a fair few supposedly celebs, most were complete self serving complete cnuts, for your enjoyment I'll list a few with my assesment:

    All of the following for legal reasons is my own personal opinion and obviously doesn't reflect the true character and nature of the person or person(s) depicted.

    Noel Edmonds - Cnut, blind as a bat but would sell his granny if he made a profit, not liked within the industry

    Bruno Brooks - piss head, good bloke

    Liz Kershaw - up her own arrse

    Mr Angry - barman, good Bloke

    Steve Wright - who the fcuk drinks couvosiea or what ever it's called and coke - twat

    Steve wrights producer - his dad dropped into Arnhem with the Polish Parachute Brigade, Top, Top Bloke

    Jason Donivan - Poof

    Jason Donivans P.A, good with an upper leg massage

    Dominic Diamond - Good witty bloke

    Jack Dee - self important boring cnut

    E17 - good for taking the piss out off but to young to notice when I met them.

    Bee Gees - Top Top Blokes, met up with the workers the night before the gig, got the beers in.

    Julian Clairy - nuff said, but witty

    Jamie Oliver - top bloke, don't listen to the press you'd all enjoy a beer with this bloke and his missus is a diamond.

    Paul Daniels - upperty little shite, nicked his sarnies at a gig once, gave him my egg and cress and nicked his smoke salmon.

    debbie magee - ten pinter, but they do alot of un-heralded work for charity

    frank Bruno - thick as shite but pleasent.

    chri ubank/Nigel benn - slurred and punch drunk

    Melanie from East enders then did "red caps" - Top bird, down to earth

    The rest off Eastenders - questionable

    Bad Manners - what a set of riders, piss heads of the finest order

    Spice Girls - wanking has alot to be said for

    eternal - retards

    Lousie - fantastc nipples

    Harry hill - good bloke

    caprise - mutten dressed as lamb, at least eight to ten pints

    Craig Charles - top Bloke

    Teddy Sheringham - tool

    Ian Wright - top bloke but suffacated with hang-ons and fools

    kim Wilde - my child hood sneaky pull, still alluring but in a older MILF kindda way.

    Joe squeeky voice chap "Pascaley" apologies to the man for bad spelling, he's a top bloke.

    Jerry Hall - suprisingly unpretentious, fcuking moose but game lass.

    These are just the ones that have made an impression on me, I've been offered good money from journo's for this shite but as it's not "me" it dont count.

    I've left the biggest piss take to last, I promise you this is true....

    I got called up to westminster for a photo shoot with two farm yard character costumes Moo-Moo and Niegh -Niegh, I was then told I had to play musical chairs with the costumes and 3 labour, 3 conservative and three lib dem MP's infront of the cameras.....I shite you not, reasearch your newspapers you'll find it........ Well I was a bit gob smacked at this, and then some labour fcukwit, I think they call them spin docters, approached me as I was incharge of the sound system and said "I have a brown envelope with cash in it for you if you rig it that one of the labour MP's wins"

    well being a fully paid up member of the skeptic club I cheated so Anne Widecombe would win, She was down to the last three and sat on one of the two remaining seats when the music stopped when she as hoiked off her seat by the two cheating labour blokes left in the game,and unceriemonously dumped to the floor, at this stage I lost interest and one of the labour blokes won.

    I dont expect anyone to believe me, and dont ask anyone to. there must be journo records of this somewhere if anyone wants to check.

  9. Name and shame lofty, name and shame.
  10. ok, flash, but let me put my thinking cap on, I'm not the sort of bloke to hold a diary but I must have a record somewhere, let me troll the records, at the moment I can only recall faces not names.
  11. Brad Pitt - Cnut

    Kiefer Sutherland - Top bloke

    Now i'm not going to lie and say i've met this pair but the yanks do alot of filming in Canada and a few people i know have actually met both of them and agree the above. I must admit that i was quite surprised about Pitt.
  12. Apropos of nothing, I went to school with Liz Kershaw. And her published age suggests she was moved up at least two year groups.
  13. Keith Feckin' lard arrse no friends Chegwin and his so called Anthea "I' ll go to Sainsbury's once they've closed, I might be recognised" Redfern wife ( my neighbours at home in UK) both grade 3 cnuts. I'd like to rip his head off and shove it up her arrse, she's as stupid as a stupid thing gone stupid, thinks she's the beas knees but gets wimpey round to do her make up..................God she's feckin UgLy and they've bred.....there's 4 of 'em now.

    Don't get me started on Noel feckin' Edmunds......he's always there ( I think he's shag**ng her ) :threaten:

    Rant Over........Brain back in neutral
  14. Wet Blobby

    Got to disagree

    Dominic Diamond - Prize C**t , maybe he's matured?

    Kim Wilde, top top down to earth girlie. used to be a regular in a pub in the Letchworth area.

    Viole(n)t Berlin. You utter maniac, and a top burd, though I understand she's settled down and married.

    John Leslie - Throbber of the first water, fcuking rude, totally arrogant for no reason at all and got the arrsehole when my then girlfriend gave him a spectacular knockback in a Laaandan nightclub.

    Fiona Fullerton - A Queen amongst her sex. Totally nice woman , and a MILF too

    Her what does the numbers on Countdown. Nice convo once you'd dragged your eyes North.

    Danny Baker - Good man and a laugh

    Les Dennis, you totally terminally unfunny oversensitive c*ck

    Lenny Henry - Pr*ck and oversensitive too.

    The late great Bob Monkhouse, a diamond, diamond man. So missed, his live show would have given this bar kittens.
  15. I hate that Chris Martin or whatever him name is out of coldplay. Cant write decent lyrics and a p ussy cnut to top it off!!!! W@nker