Discussion in 'Miscellaneous Jokes' started by fltpilot, Jul 19, 2013.

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  1. A man, while playing on the front nine of a complicated golf course, became
    confused as to where he was on the course. Looking around, he saw a lady
    playing ahead of him.

    He walked up to her, explained his confusion and asked her if she knew what
    hole he was playing. She replied, "I'm on the 7th hole, and you are a hole behind me, so you
    must be on the 6th hole."

    He thanked her and went back to his golf. On the back nine the same thing
    happened; and he approached her again with the same request.

    She said, "I'm on the 14th hole, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on
    the 13th hole."

    Once again he thanked her and returned to his play.

    He finished his round and went to the clubhouse where he saw the same lady
    sitting at the end of the bar.
    He asked the bartender if he knew the lady. The bartender said that she was
    a sales lady and played the course often.
    He approached her and said, "Let me buy you a drink in appreciation for
    your help. I understand that you are in the sales profession.

    I'm in sales also. What do you sell?"
    She replied, "If I tell you, you'll laugh".
    No, I won't".
    "Well, if you must know," she answered, "I work for Tampax".
    With that, he laughed so hard he almost lost his breath. She said, "See, I
    knew you would laugh"
    "That's not what I'm laughing at," he replied. "I'm a toilet paper
    salesman, so I'm still a hole behind you.
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  2. Sammy the salesman is on his first door to door job selling washing detergent. He knocks on his first potential customer's door and it's answered by a rather large middle aged lady.

    "Yes? How may I help you?" She asks Sammy.

    "Hello, I'm from the Ultra Clean Better Clean detergent company, and I'm here today to demonstrate the powerful cleaning power of our detergent." Says Sammy confidently. "All I need are three of your dirtiest articles of clothing and a bucket of warm water."

    "Oooh, sounds fascinating! This I have to see!"

    She invites Sammy inside and goes off to grab the said articles and bucket of warm water.

    Sammy sprinkles a cupful of the laundry powder into the bucket and picks up the first soiled garment, her son's grass stained and muddy football Jersey, and proceeds to wash it as he does his trained sales spiel.

    "You scrub scrub scrub, and you scrub some more, put it to your nose....(takes a deep whiff)....And it smells like a rose!"

    Suitably impressed at the spotless garment, the lady hands him the second garment, her husband's filthy mechanic's work shirt. Once again Sammy does his sales routine...

    "You scrub scrub scrub, and you scrub some more, put it to your nose....(another deep whiff).....And it smells like a rose!"

    "That's incredible stuff! Here, try it on a pair of my undies!" And she hands him a pair of her size twenty nickers.

    Away Sammy goes again...

    "You scrub scrub scrub, and you scrub some more, put it to your nose....(A big whiff)...........

    "You scrub scrub scrub......"
  3. I heard he was selling the finest universal cleanser known.

    If OMO won't whiten it and Persil won't brighten it, then FUCK it.
  4. Action jokes never translate well into written word unfortunately.
  5. I'll buy you a pint old son, let's err, leave this joint for a week or two..... :)
  6. That adds up to a few pints in a couple of weeks mate!

    Actually I heard a ripper comeback at the club yesterday. I said I've lost eight kilos, and some smartarse mate said "Did you drop your wallet..."
  7. phil245

    phil245 LE Book Reviewer

    I've just lost 10 kilos, Bloody sniffer dogs.
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