Saddam husseins buttocks fails at auctions


Book Reviewer
"The former soldier, who joined the SAS at the age of 22 and has recently started his own art company specialising in war relics".

Me Grandads mate Reinhardt did that after WW2. He is the shifty looking chap on the left of this picture.

t-shirts look ok for a casual loaf about in, but £50 for something thats gonna get coverd in blood snot and beers is a bit steep.
Spud's comment on Saddam's arrse:

The Iraqi demand for the buttock repatriation

Our Comment

It appears that in the midst of Baghdad sits a Gentleman with the rather ostentatious title of “The Minister for Culture and The State Board for Antiquities and Heritage of the National Iraqi Museum”. He is best known for having used up most of the Iraqi paint supply when they wrote his title on his office door. It transpired that after reading about Spud Eli’s statue and its potential value, he decided that it should be repatriated to him in Baghdad. The fact that when it left Iraq, it was just a lump of unwanted scrap appears to have been overlooked and he duly contacted the Iraqi Embassy in London and instructed them to demand the return of this valuable piece of memorabilia.

As far as we can ascertain, the Iraqi Embassy contacted the Home Office who called in Special Branch who in turn passed it to the Metropolitan Police. Knowing the way politicians work and the way our Government (until very recently) tends to cow-tow to any official overseas request, we assume that MI5, The Secret Service and Captain America were also asked for their input on how to retrieve a piece of scrap metal that cannot even be accurately identified by The Iraqi Minister for Culture, Heritage and Greed. In the end, it was dumped on the desk of a Sergeant from Derbyshire Police who asked Spud to attend an interview. Along the way, to give some form of credibility to this episode a specific law was cited, “United Nations Iraq 2003 SI 1519 article 8.” This law was introduced to stem the flow of valuable antiquities looted from the Palaces and museums during the Iraq invasion – and it now appears to also cover any bit of junk that Spud Ely picked up on his travels. Spud did not put the time and effort into turning it into a piece of “War Relic Art” so that it could be sent as a gift to the Minister of Culture and Scrap Iron in Baghdad. Nor was this the reason why the law was drafted.

It is true that as a result of what Spud has done, the value of this piece of scrap has escalated out of all control and depending on who you talk to, it is now worth between £250,000 and £1,000,000. However, this value results from the story, from Spud himself and from the positioning that turned a piece of scrap metal into a piece of Art. Indeed, it is the very first in the new concept now known as War Relic Art and by definition it automatically assumed an enormous increase in value. However, the value itself is in the intellectual application involved in turning the object into an art form and it is now impossible to separate the original object and the applied vision. Just think what would happen if an Italian suddenly popped up out of the blue and offered proof that Leonardo De Vinci still owed his forefathers for the canvas and the paint used to paint the Mona Lisa and he therefore wanted it back?

As far as Trebletap is concerned, the arse is designated for sale to support a very deserving military charity where the funds go directly to the support of injured servicemen who need help now. The time, effort and cost that have gone into Trebletap will not be used to pay the pension for The Minister of Culture and Tin Cans in Iraq. As a safeguard, Trebletap have hidden the piece and they will not even tell Spud where it is. Nicola from Trebletap said, “He has been trained to withstand brutal interrogation but I doubt if he would stand-up to being bored to death by the Foreign Office, so we are keeping him in the dark as to the location”.
I think Spud's been hanging out with Tracey Emin & Damien Hirst or has discovered marijuana.

Spud Ely the artist

When I decided to turn the lump of bronze I retrieved from Saddam's statue into a piece of art in its own right I spent hours just looking at it. My initial one dimensional thought process opened another door in my mind and I began to question why I had been there at the statue at that particular time. I started analysing my motives and tried to apply logic to a life of intrigue that I had, until then, come to accept without question. Probably for the very first time, I decided to look beneath the surface to try and understand myself and self-qualify my past behaviour. As I say, I had always been interested in art and in recent years, abstract art especially. The idea of being a soldier and an artist had always seemed to be contradictory but the more I thought about it, the more rational everything became.

I asked myself exactly what did this bronze really represent and how could it be projected in a way that others would see what I saw? It was absolutely unique by virtue of it being probably the only remaining piece of what is said to be the most photographed and viewed statue in the history of the Human Race.

The toppling of the statue represented the end of the war and the success of the invasion. The reaction of the local inhabitants, whereby they beat the statues with their shoes, was seen as justification for the entire exercise and, as had been pointed out by numerous experts, the art piece I was in the throes of making could become far more valuable as a result of its uniqueness and its story than any other contemporary artwork, regardless.
I believe that anyone can transpose their imagination into a tangible product but I was attempting to turn a one-off piece of history into a meaning that could set the imagination alight. I realised that I wanted to project all the feelings I had accumulated in the past into this one piece and use it to express my own frustrations and ambitions.

I spent hours and hours just looking at the piece of bronze and trying to determine exactly what I saw in it, what it meant to me and what it represents. I finally came to the conclusion that it would be wrong to even attempt to change it in any shape or form. This bronze is unique.

In itself, it represented most of the frailties of mankind and yet it still offered hope for the future. As a mere mortal I am unable to quantify and balance the good that was done by disposing of an evil dictatorship against the death and destruction resulting from the invasion. However, my ongoing urge to find a positive solution to everything led me to the conclusion that the untouched bronze really did offer hope for the future provided that people were prepared to look past the metallic exterior and contemplate exactly what it truly represented.

The death and destruction is now history and cannot be changed but before similar future actions are taken, this piece could possibly persuade the antagonists to contemplate on what the outcome could include. So I proclaim it, “As a piece of art in its own right that commemorates the end of a war, that condemns the torment resulting from the war but provided that note is taken of the reality, it offers hope for the future." The reality I refer to is the toll of human lives from both sides of the conflict.

The bronze piece carries a steely air of defiance with its ripped, serrated edges yet when angled it becomes tactile like you want to slap it because you know what it once represented. It is because of this feel I deliberately left it as it was but designed a hard steel mount specifically to keep it caged as indeed the previous owner kept millions of Iraqis caged, deprived of even the basic needs of modern life. Perhaps there is hope for the people of the Middle East as we see more of these medieval rulers ousted by a driven people.

Finally, on a parting note I would like to take this opportunity of thanking Guy Portelli for his sincere advice and help.
Who let him at the AL11?
£3950 for a replica miniature Saddam statue? I'm afraid that I'm a little critical of his artistic talent.

View attachment 61519

Looks more like Trevor Mcdonut.
He can go **** himself with those prices. Not to mention they are shit to begin with!
You are such a sad **** - so negative. You need a pull through with an 84 bore brush fellar. The bloke is selling them to raise money for military charities. You probably spend £50 on beer and pizza a day whilst posting on this forum. Though of renaming yourself vampirepizzaprick!

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