Sack and Crack, Great balls of fire!!

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Ayrforce1, Aug 28, 2012.

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  1. Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml
    Offered by O.P HEALTHCARE
    Price: £8.31
    Availability: In stock

    72 of 76 people found the following review helpful
    5.0 out of 5 stars Oh the shame...., 3 July 2012
    This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml (Personal Care)
    After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly succesful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit of a treat.
    I ordered it well in advance and working in the North sea I considerd myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was. I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn't have long to wait.
    At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head. Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two veg. Struggling to not bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel of in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief. I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid of and positioned it under me. The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing soon returned .
    Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn't managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the draw for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon.I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so.I took a handful of them and tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse. This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found it's way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running it's engines behind me.
    This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain. The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before.
    Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering..." Ooooh that feels good ". Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn't heard her come in it caused an involutary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction. I can understand that having a sprout farted against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn't the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn't improve my status...So to sum it up Veet removes hair, dignity and self respect...
    • Like Like x 8
  2. CountryGal

    CountryGal LE Book Reviewer

    some of these had me nearly cryin with laughter / which is weird as the woman's removal cream works a treat :big grin:

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  3. Seen it before, but still eye wateringly funny.
  4. CountryGal

    CountryGal LE Book Reviewer

    Out of interest have Any blokes tried using the women's hair removal cream?

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  5. Yes, it tastes awful and I still had to pick the pubes out.
    • Like Like x 3
  6. CountryGal

    CountryGal LE Book Reviewer

    I just wondered what the difference was that needed a his and hers

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  7. Grumblegrunt

    Grumblegrunt LE Book Reviewer

    it all burns in the same way, wimmin have to be very carefull to keep it outside otherwise it makes waxing seem mild by comparison. it is supposed to get into the hair root and destroy it which is why it burns so much and you cant kill it.

    lots of mucous and sweat glands to irritate down there and plenty of sensory nerves.

    next time try an epillady or blowlamp :)
  8. CountryGal

    CountryGal LE Book Reviewer

    Not so at all - i use it "down there" everywhere apart from the lips and it doesn't burn or hurt at all

    The women's version - never used the men's gel version - hence my question

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  9. Grumblegrunt

    Grumblegrunt LE Book Reviewer

    the male version is probably designed by wimmin to be extra hard. plus male hair is rather more wiry and less used to topiary efforts.

    years ago I heard a scream and my mum threw the bedroom door open and gave me a packet of wax strips 'I'm sure you will find a use for these' she said. indeed I did, great fun slapping them on my mates eyebrows or armpits when they were taking tshirts off :)
    • Like Like x 1

  10. Posted 45 minutes ago and no one's asked for a photo or a date?

    Arrse must be dying on it's feet..... turning into a gay dating site.
  11. To be honest I'm still wanking. When the bucket's full, I'll empty it and post a photo request.
  12. Your balls are supposed to be hairy.
  13. I can't use any chemical depilatory products, I get the same burning reaction and it looks like I've dipped my bits in molten lava for about a week.
  14. Sigh. Tut, tut. Photos.