Sack and Crack, Great balls of fire!!

#1
Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml
Offered by O.P HEALTHCARE
Price: £8.31
Availability: In stock



72 of 76 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Oh the shame...., 3 July 2012
This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml (Personal Care)
After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly succesful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit of a treat.
I ordered it well in advance and working in the North sea I considerd myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was. I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn't have long to wait.
At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head. Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two veg. Struggling to not bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel of in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief. I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid of and positioned it under me. The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing soon returned .
Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn't managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the draw for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon.I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so.I took a handful of them and tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse. This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found it's way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running it's engines behind me.
This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain. The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before.
Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering..." Ooooh that feels good ". Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn't heard her come in it caused an involutary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction. I can understand that having a sprout farted against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn't the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn't improve my status...So to sum it up Veet removes hair, dignity and self respect...
 

CountryGal

MIA
Book Reviewer
#3
some of these had me nearly cryin with laughter / which is weird as the woman's removal cream works a treat :big grin:


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#4
Seen it before, but still eye wateringly funny.
 

CountryGal

MIA
Book Reviewer
#5
Out of interest have Any blokes tried using the women's hair removal cream?


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CountryGal

MIA
Book Reviewer
#7
I just wondered what the difference was that needed a his and hers


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Grumblegrunt

LE
Book Reviewer
#8
it all burns in the same way, wimmin have to be very carefull to keep it outside otherwise it makes waxing seem mild by comparison. it is supposed to get into the hair root and destroy it which is why it burns so much and you cant kill it.

lots of mucous and sweat glands to irritate down there and plenty of sensory nerves.

next time try an epillady or blowlamp :)
 

CountryGal

MIA
Book Reviewer
#9
Not so at all - i use it "down there" everywhere apart from the lips and it doesn't burn or hurt at all

The women's version - never used the men's gel version - hence my question


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Grumblegrunt

LE
Book Reviewer
#10
the male version is probably designed by wimmin to be extra hard. plus male hair is rather more wiry and less used to topiary efforts.

years ago I heard a scream and my mum threw the bedroom door open and gave me a packet of wax strips 'I'm sure you will find a use for these' she said. indeed I did, great fun slapping them on my mates eyebrows or armpits when they were taking tshirts off :)
 
#11
Not so at all - i use it "down there" everywhere apart from the lips and it doesn't burn or hurt at all

The women's version - never used the men's gel version - hence my question


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Posted 45 minutes ago and no one's asked for a photo or a date?


Arrse must be dying on it's feet..... turning into a gay dating site.
 
#14
Not so at all - i use it "down there" everywhere apart from the lips and it doesn't burn or hurt at all

The women's version - never used the men's gel version - hence my question


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I can't use any chemical depilatory products, I get the same burning reaction and it looks like I've dipped my bits in molten lava for about a week.
 
#15
I can't use any chemical depilatory products, I get the same burning reaction and it looks like I've dipped my bits in molten lava for about a week.
Sigh. Tut, tut. Photos.
 
#16
#17
Some class reviews on there, I've had tears streaming down my face reading them
Having served with Orde-Wingate and the Chindits in Burma and suffered no end of painful infestations of my nether regions, Veet held no fear for this old comrade. Advanced years have resulted in a low hung sack and arthritis prevents diligent personal cleansing, with the result that Atkins, the Estate Manage has to regularly see to my Gruff-Nuts with the sheep shears to prevent me getting fly-strike. That, plus a desire to impress Lady Maude and spice up things for our diamond wedding anniversary resulted in my investment in this superior depilatory product. Frankly, the things the Japs did to me with a flamethrower pale into insignificance to the 4 hours following my diligent massaging of the gel into my undergrowth and puckered ring. Eventually the screams woke Jenkins, the Butler who was asleep sunbathing on the terrace, who thankfully raced to my aid with a selection of frozen products from the Visitor Centre. Unfortunately Lady Maude returned from her trip to Harrods to find a disturbing spectacle in the Study....... me lying akimbo with an Almond Magnum up my poop tube whilst Jenkins, beetroot red with sunburn, clad only in a thong and wearing pink rubber gloves was trying to manhandle an outsize condom full of slush puppy over my distended member. My ecstatic groans of relief did nothing to change her impression of the apparent bestial and unsavoury acts that she was witnessing. When I had recovered enough to converse in anything other than strangled screams I made the mistake of showing her these reviews, which unfortunately only served to confirm her belief she had been married to a closet pervert for the last half century. Divorce papers are pending and I fear the estate will have to be sold. I have a bald, scarred crotch, walk with a limp and have flashbacks worse than the jungle terrors of WW2. Be warned, this product is not for the unwary.
 
#18
^ The Iron Duke? ^
 

Fang_Farrier

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
#19
Nope, sorry, not going through that burning fire of hell again, not even for you!

So send pictures of current safe method in use, purely for educational reaasons, of course.
 

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