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Rules to Live By

#1
Rules to Live By
================

Sometimes we need to remember WHAT the Rules of life really are.

1. Never give yourself a haircut after three alcoholic beverages
of any kind.

2. You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape.
If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40.
If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape.

3. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital
relationship are "I apologize" and "You are right".

4. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

5. When you make a mistake, make amends immediately.
It's easier to eat crow while it's still warm.

6. The only really good advice that your mother ever gave you
was: "Go! You might meet somebody!"

7. If he/she says that you are too good for him/her û
believe them.

8. Learn to pick your battles. Ask yourself,
ôWill this matter one year from now?ö
How about one month?
One week?
One day?

9. Never pass up an opportunity to pee.

10. If you woke up breathing, congratulations!
You have another chance!

11. Living well really is the best revenge.
Being miserable because of a bad or former relationship just
might mean that the other person was right about you.

12. Work is good, but it's not that important.

13. And finally, be really nice to your friends and family.
You never know when you are going to need them to empty your
bedpan.
 
#4
Rule 1

Dont Trust anybody DTA

Rule 2

If it moves F**k it if it dont move F**k it till it moves

Rule 3

If you need a job doing right dont give it to me i dont care

Rule 4
If it anit broke i will hit it with a big hammer Until it is

I live by these simple rules
but mainly
Rule 5

Hate every one its easier
 
#6
Never play cards with anyonewho has the nickname of an American city( Vegas immediately springs to mind)

Never have sex with a woman who has a tattoo of a dagger anywhere on her body.

Never, ever admit to doing anything.
 
#9
Conceal how much money you really make to the missus

Never argue with an American that doesn't have a passport

Don't expect issue kit to do what it says on the tin

Always expect the worse from any bureaucracy

and lastly, the soundest piece of advice I've ever been given...

Never bend down to pick up your soap in a public shower
 
#12
1. Breath in/Breath out
2. She is always right, her ass never looks big in anything.
3. There are no exceptions to the rule that everyone thinks they're an exception to the rule.
 
#14
Never sleep with a woman who can beat you at arm wrestling.

Never sleep with a women that leaves the toilet seat UP after a pee.

And never get too P*ssed in Singapore....
 
#18
1) You never regret the things you've done, only the things you didn't do

2) never trust some one with two first names i.e. Peter thomas etc