Rugby Positions Explained


For all you rugby virgins.  

The Pack
Eight handsome burly guys whom you'll gladly give your beer and food to, and you'd want to marry your daughter. They are intelligent, elegant, sensitive, and sweet. Truly the ideal men.

The Backs
Seven guys who will steal your beer while you're not looking, take advantage of your women folk, barnyard animals, and all tubular household objects. Often dine on quiche, brie cheese and wine. Been known to understand the rule of the ESPN Extreme games' rules. Regularly take blow dryers on road trips, wear bikini underpants, and carry STDs (AVOID AT ALL COSTS).

Short but stout, these strapping men support the hooker, but no money ever changes hands and the act is never specificaly named.

Often identified by a balding spot atop the head, these vertically challenged but talented men stand between the two props, and secures the ball for his team during scrummages.

Second Row
These tall powerful men are the driving engines not only the scrum, but of the entire game. They can be found working their magic from deep in the scrum, behind the front row, or lofting high above the line outs pulling balls from the air.

The Back Row
Usually the most handsome and intelligent, these three men of strength are often considered the renisance men of the rugby field. They not only control the ball, but the entire pitch. Remember, the back row defines the whole team's style of play.

The point guard of the rugby team the scrumhalf distributes the ball, runs hits, and kicks. Scrumhalf is only half as handsome and burly as the pack members

The first of those back guys, and the first of the offensive chain. Often confused with an insect, may be referred to as the man with "the foot."

Another pair of those back guys. Either power runner, or annoying scampering guy usually found in the opposite order, but whose main purpose is to get the ball to ...

Ideally the fastest men on the team. Their job is to "score with the ball", but they often confuse it with "get tackled with the ball." Also an excellent snack when smothered in hot sauce and deep fried.

The last line of defense. A back even the pack can appreciate, often viewed as a back row in the larval stage.


For all you rugby virgins.  

The point guard of the rugby team the scrumhalf distributes the ball, runs hits, and kicks. Scrumhalf is only half as handsome and burly as the pack members

Errrrrrm, Pile, I may take exception to that one - I did have a romantic liaison with a scrum half that used to play for England..............on second thoughts, seeing him commentate on the tele in the recent past, maybe he isn't as handsome as I once thought! ::)


The criteria for playing Regt Rugby is as follows

1. You are an officer
2. You have very little or no talent
3. You only turn up for training if your bored of surfing   on arrse.
Thats why i play club rugby.  That and it's an excuse to get out of the house on a saturday.  


I played at several different levels, once someone passed me the ball and I was in my own half!!  I didn't know what to do, as I was only used for crash overs if they wanted me to touch the ball, didn't know if I could run with the ball more than 5 yards or not, and never even thought of playing  with the ball in open play before.
Was a tight- head, for 22 years
and still no cauliflower ears either.. also very socialable drinker and tone deaf, so very welcome in the bar after match.


The Social is the best part of club rugby especially in the lower reaches i.e. 2nd/3rd teams, where the warm up for the match is a couple of pints and a sing song.  

Our team is so sh1te i play second row, flanker, no.8, centre and once at prop.  Though not all at once.  


I played a bit at Uni and for about 2 years in the Army-until I realised I was crap, still the social was good, always semmed to involve removing clothes, placing underpants on head and fart lighting (I still do this for nostalgic reasons occasionally)


...placing underpants on head and fart lighting (I still do this for nostalgic reasons occasionally)

Hence flash_to_bang?


I think all the words 'Rugby man' can also be substituted for 'Brit Squaddie'   ;D

The Rugby Man vs Their Women

If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose.

If The rugby Man and his mates go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.

When the bill arrives, The rugby Man and his mates will each throw in £10, even though it's only for £32.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

The rugby Man will pay £2 for a £1 item he wants.

A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't want.

The rugby Man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap (apparently), and a towel from the Holiday Inn.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.

The rugby Man would not be able to identify most of these items.

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything The rugby Man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

Women love cats.

The rugby Man will say he loves cats, but when women aren't looking,The rugby Man will kick the cat.

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

The rugby Man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

The successful rugby Man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a rugby man.

A woman marries The rugby Man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

The rugby Man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty your kit bag, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

The rugby Man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

The rugby Man wakes up as good-looking as he went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

The rugby Man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

Any married rugby man should forget his mistakes.

There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!!

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