Royal Naval monkey business

Discussion in 'The Intelligence Cell' started by Forces_Sweetheart, Jan 20, 2005.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. This is from Popbitch - surely our naval chums would not do such terrible things.....

  2. once had to get rid of a girl from the block in a wooden MFO box cause her bloke was still pissed and the csm was walking around.seem to recall she looked like a barbory ape.Not the same but still amusing.anyone done anything similar?
  3. Erm no comment :roll:

    i can say i heard a story from the andrew about Seagulls (Sh1tehawks), a number 7 fishing hook, 10 m of cat gut and a red brick. basically you feed the birds with food on the hook, they swoop swallow and fly off whilst you kick the brick into the oggin. apparently you can watch the sh1tehawk for at least 2 meters of clear ocean.

    cant wait till i am next on bristol.

  4. Popbitich update from today:

    >> Going Overboard <<
    Readers protest at monkey drowning

    We received a remarkable number of angry
    emails last week, following our story about
    a Barbary ape who was kidnapped from
    Gibraltar by members of the Royal Navy,
    and then thrown overboard. What's wrong
    with you all? It's not like we tossed the
    poor ****** into the sea.

    Anyway, it turns out the story wasn't as bad
    as we first thought. We were contacted by
    a sailor who claims to have witnessed the
    event. He assured us that, rather than being
    tossed into the sea in his cage, the little
    monkey was actually put into a life-jacket,
    and given a Mars Bar.

    (FYI: On the day that the British Army's abuse of
    Iraqi prisoners was revealed, the RSPCA tell us
    that they're launching an investigation into
    the navy over alleged crimes against monkeys.)

    :D :D :D
  5. Cup of tea spat out over monitor!! I'm picturing the look on the monkeys face, holding a Mars bar wearing a yellow life jacket whilst being tossed into the sea!! :lol: :lol:
  6. Yeah Baby, was giggling until i read your reply, now i can actually picture a monkey with a puzzled look on its face holding a mars bar.

    absolute quailty!!!

  7. I've seen one - in the cop shop in Rheindahlen!!!! :p
  8. J_D

    J_D LE

    the story is rubbish, they'd never get a rock ape on ship and if they did it be taken off straight away.

    Have you heard those things scream its horrible!! ear piercing stuff
  9. OldSnowy

    OldSnowy LE Moderator Book Reviewer

    Can't vouch for this one, and for once I agree with Anya (oh the shame). Bloody noisy and viscious things (no, not Anya. Although....)

    As to Gib, a certain NRPS of a South London Infantry Unit still tells of his service in Gib as a lad many years ago. The Platoon kidnapped a midget (he was begging on the street) and kept him in a locker for three weeks, letting him out in the evening to feed him and make him do tricks. He was found by the Orderly Officer one day....

    "What's that in your locker, Fusilier?"
    "It's a midget, Sir."
    "It wants to be gone in ten minutes,understand?"
    "Yes, Sir."
    Orderly Officer then carries on...
    Midget then shoved into a large sack, carried out of the gate, and dumped with a few bob to keep quiet.
  10. I knew a ex para nicknamed smeg claimed one of his mates tried to rape a rock ape for a bet!
  11. They are vicious, evil smelling things, that bite. I wouldn't go near one with anybody else's let alone mine. :twisted:
  12. ugly

    ugly LE Moderator

    What the Para?