Royal Naval monkey business

#1
This is from Popbitch - surely our naval chums would not do such terrible things.....

Bonobo-cousin swims with the fishes

patsyrecline writes:
"I was recently on a stag weekend with a gentleman from the Royal Navy. One tour of duty, he stopped in Gibraltar, which is populated by relatives of the Bonobo, known as the Barbary Ape. The sailors decided to abduct one of the apes and bring him on board in a cage.

"Through a process of punishment-and-reward they taught the ape to smoke fags and masturbate to order. They kept the beast caged up and made him w*nk for amusement on their journey back to Britain, feeding him cigarettes afterwards.

"They obviously couldn't bring the monkey back to UK so had to get rid of him. When the time came they just jettisoned the poor ape into the ocean - still in his cage."
 
#2
once had to get rid of a girl from the block in a wooden MFO box cause her bloke was still pissed and the csm was walking around.seem to recall she looked like a barbory ape.Not the same but still amusing.anyone done anything similar?
 
#3
Forces_Sweetheart said:
This is from Popbitch - surely our naval chums would not do such terrible things.....

Bonobo-cousin swims with the fishes

patsyrecline writes:
"I was recently on a stag weekend with a gentleman from the Royal Navy. One tour of duty, he stopped in Gibraltar, which is populated by relatives of the Bonobo, known as the Barbary Ape. The sailors decided to abduct one of the apes and bring him on board in a cage.

"Through a process of punishment-and-reward they taught the ape to smoke fags and masturbate to order. They kept the beast caged up and made him w*nk for amusement on their journey back to Britain, feeding him cigarettes afterwards.

"They obviously couldn't bring the monkey back to UK so had to get rid of him. When the time came they just jettisoned the poor ape into the ocean - still in his cage."
Erm no comment :roll:

i can say i heard a story from the andrew about Seagulls (Sh1tehawks), a number 7 fishing hook, 10 m of cat gut and a red brick. basically you feed the birds with food on the hook, they swoop swallow and fly off whilst you kick the brick into the oggin. apparently you can watch the sh1tehawk for at least 2 meters of clear ocean.

cant wait till i am next on bristol.

Rincewind
 
#4
Popbitich update from today:

>> Going Overboard <<
Readers protest at monkey drowning

We received a remarkable number of angry
emails last week, following our story about
a Barbary ape who was kidnapped from
Gibraltar by members of the Royal Navy,
and then thrown overboard. What's wrong
with you all? It's not like we tossed the
poor ****** into the sea.

Anyway, it turns out the story wasn't as bad
as we first thought. We were contacted by
a sailor who claims to have witnessed the
event. He assured us that, rather than being
tossed into the sea in his cage, the little
monkey was actually put into a life-jacket,
and given a Mars Bar.

(FYI: On the day that the British Army's abuse of
Iraqi prisoners was revealed, the RSPCA tell us
that they're launching an investigation into
the navy over alleged crimes against monkeys.)

:D :D :D
 
#5
Vonshot said:
He assured us that, rather than being tossed into the sea in his cage, the little monkey was actually put into a life-jacket, and given a Mars Bar.
Cup of tea spat out over monitor!! I'm picturing the look on the monkeys face, holding a Mars bar wearing a yellow life jacket whilst being tossed into the sea!! :lol: :lol:
 
#6
HGVTOO said:
Vonshot said:
He assured us that, rather than being tossed into the sea in his cage, the little monkey was actually put into a life-jacket, and given a Mars Bar.
Cup of tea spat out over monitor!! I'm picturing the look on the monkeys face, holding a Mars bar wearing a yellow life jacket whilst being tossed into the sea!! :lol: :lol:
Yeah Baby, was giggling until i read your reply, now i can actually picture a monkey with a puzzled look on its face holding a mars bar.

absolute quailty!!!

Rincewind
 
#7
Rincewind said:
HGVTOO said:
Vonshot said:
He assured us that, rather than being tossed into the sea in his cage, the little monkey was actually put into a life-jacket, and given a Mars Bar.
Cup of tea spat out over monitor!! I'm picturing the look on the monkeys face, holding a Mars bar wearing a yellow life jacket whilst being tossed into the sea!! :lol: :lol:
Yeah Baby, was giggling until i read your reply, now i can actually picture a monkey with a puzzled look on its face holding a mars bar.

absolute quailty!!!

Rincewind
I've seen one - in the cop shop in Rheindahlen!!!! :p
 
#8
the story is rubbish, they'd never get a rock ape on ship and if they did it be taken off straight away.

Have you heard those things scream its horrible!! ear piercing stuff
 

OldSnowy

LE
Moderator
Book Reviewer
#9
Can't vouch for this one, and for once I agree with Anya (oh the shame). Bloody noisy and viscious things (no, not Anya. Although....)

As to Gib, a certain NRPS of a South London Infantry Unit still tells of his service in Gib as a lad many years ago. The Platoon kidnapped a midget (he was begging on the street) and kept him in a locker for three weeks, letting him out in the evening to feed him and make him do tricks. He was found by the Orderly Officer one day....

"What's that in your locker, Fusilier?"
"It's a midget, Sir."
"It wants to be gone in ten minutes,understand?"
"Yes, Sir."
Orderly Officer then carries on...
Midget then shoved into a large sack, carried out of the gate, and dumped with a few bob to keep quiet.
 

ugly

LE
Moderator
#12
Navaleye said:
They are vicious, evil smelling things, that bite. I wouldn't go near one with anybody else's let alone mine. :twisted:
What the Para?
 

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