Rotten Relatives You Wouldn't Recommend

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Tremaine, Aug 29, 2012.

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  1. Us tolerant types don't get usually upset over the odd loony in the family, the irritating relative or even the wife's cat. I'll even cook for them, as long as they piss off home afterwards instead of creasing up the sofas, blocking the bog and hogging my space. Got any rotten relatives? Here's one: Hellboy. The wife's son, sixteen, fat and foul. Hasten to add he was taken away while I was in AFGN, due to some fetish for his Mum's clothes and scaring the cat. That's right, he put(s) them on. Fair enough he's a bit short on ability so let's be fair. But his "statement" and GP are pretty confident he's ninety per cent normal.

    Is this normal? Would you feel a bit iffy about the wife if you thought he'd had her clothes on, webbing and all?

    Since he's gone, away, confession time in the hope that terrible memories will fade. What memories? For starters there's the poo, that's what . Great big elephantine dumps that wouldn't go down, so they had to be shovelled into black sacks for the Binmen. Nice, a pile of shitsacks in the wheelies to be collected in two weeks. Or when he left the door open so the dog got run over. Emptied, no , fucking ate, the fridge. Swiped the aftershave, re-arranged the kitchen every day, knocked holes in his bedroom walls and painted it black. But he's gone now, we don't have to huddle in one bedroom and the dog's come off the Valium. Some of you might beat all that but I doubt it.
  2. Alsacien

    Alsacien LE Moderator

    Maybe your wife and him have been swapping clothes for some time........

    I think you need a complete family transplant.
  3. You just made it worse. No, she didn't know, no she didn't.. no she didn't as she burnt the clothes. Repeat and convince.
  4. 16 & already completely fcuking fruitloop. Don't envy you in the future fella. Some shite to deal with later on i reckon.
  5. Is there no way you can convince him that cross dressing is perfectly acceptable in modern society and that he should venture outside in his new lady garments, the bullying of him by complete strangers will do one of two things A) he will stop doing it and become a recluse or B) kill himself.

    Either way you won't have to deal with him and you can then get the gp to drug him up on antidepressants if he's not found swinging from the attic rafters.
    • Like Like x 2
  6. Alsacien

    Alsacien LE Moderator

    Think on the bright side, hopefully that is all they swapped....
    • Like Like x 2
  7. Yes thank you Alsacien a great help :) Am I alone with rotten relatives then?
  8. hotel_california

    hotel_california LE Book Reviewer

    Have you suggested a career in the Royal Marines?
    • Like Like x 2
  9. I have a couple of rotten uncles but thats cos they are in very advanced stages of decomposition.
  10. Son's girlfriend (friend? enemy more like!) Constantly gets his phone to check it and delete numbers she doesn't like. Broke up with him and cut her wrists, almost did the job ok as she actually severed her radial artery. She hid in his house in the dark while he was out (she'd kept a key and he hadn't changed the locks! Twat!) that shook him up when he got home! She's gone for him with a knife when drunk which is most of the time. I hate it when they come round as she's psycho! She's been everywhere and done everything and has opinions on every subject known to man and is always right! I wish he'd just get rid of her to a padded cell!
  11. Brother, drunk part time alchoholic. Worked in a bank defrauded it was given the chance to pay back. but no it was their fault not his so went away for a while. Came out continued to drink got severley drunk driveing. Bit more time inside. Verbal abuse all round, tried to borrow money of all relatives even my in laws. Gets occasional work as a chippy on sites, then spends the time telling them all he is better than them and if they did it his way it would be best. Then complains when they bin him saying its not his fault. Family gathering round my place spent the afternoon working his way thtrough a bottle of whiskey I had only just opened. Thought he was quiet then woke up. Viscious mouth on him constantly belittleing his wife and kids. Dont know how she stands him. lost most of his teeth smokes like a chimney. Yep all round twat.

    And breath...
  12. Mac, can I introduce him to my son's psychotic girlfriend?
  13. Tremaine

    I think perhaps your being a little too judgmental - what the poor lad obviously needs is a little love from someone who appreciates him. Try empathising with him by sharing your wife's clothes - you might look quite attractive in them.

    Alternatively, you could always kill him - it seems to be the fashion these days and you will only serve between 5 and 10 of your life sentence anyway.


    Claire Raynor
  14. NO 'cos then I would have both of them and you would have got out of it. Good try though.
    • Like Like x 1
  15. hotel_california

    hotel_california LE Book Reviewer

    What's her dress size? Tremaine might be able to introduce her to someone?